Page 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

Austin

“Who’s Kane?” Theo asked, kneeling behind me on the bed and peering over my shoulder to read my messages. “Is he your boyfriend?”

“What? No! And stop reading my messages, brat!” I gently pushed him onto the mattress, shaking my head as he laughed. The baby-faced blond brat was my scene partner for today and despite his nosy, demanding, and interfering tendencies, he was one of the sweetest men I’d ever met. We’d been working together for a couple of years now, and our initial connection had quickly forged into a strong friendship.

But that still didn’t mean I wanted him reading my messages to Kane.

“He’s definitely something ,” Theo said with a pointed smirk as he stretched out in the middle of the bed, his skimpy lace lingerie leaving nothing to the imagination. “And can we get Chinese later instead of pizza, please?” He batted his eyelashes prettily at me and I sighed. Saying no to Theo was fucking impossible.

“Fine, we’ll get Chinese,” I said as I went back to messaging Kane, hoping to take his mind off his impending audition. It had been obvious how much he wanted the role when he’d first mentioned it because he’d never told me about any of his auditions before. There’d been a longing, desperate note in his voice too that I could still hear if I closed my eyes and focused hard enough.

It was that longing which had finally forced me to get off my ass and steal his number to surprise him.

“Are you telling him about me?” Theo asked. “I hope you’re saying nice things about how wonderful I am.”

“No, I’m telling him what a demanding brat you are.”

“But you love demanding brats. They’re your kryptonite.”

I frowned because he wasn’t wrong, but I didn’t think it was that obvious. I glanced back down at my phone and chuckled as Kane’s latest message came through. Apparently, he’d twigged that I liked him being bratty and demanding too, although I’d never hidden how much I liked it from him. “Yeah, well…” I trailed off because I didn’t really have anything else to add.

But Theo wasn’t done.

“So, he’s not your boyfriend,” he said, sitting up and crossing his legs. “What is he then? Fuck buddy? Friend with benefits? Someone you occasionally bang?”

“The last one.”

“ Really ? Are you sure about that?” Theo had folded his arms and looked both amused and frustrated. “Because people who occasionally bang don’t send cute messages to each other wishing them luck, and they don’t steal each other’s number so they can send little texts.”

I sighed and locked my phone, tossing it down onto the bed beside me. “Fine, he’s my fuck buddy then.”

“Hmmm, I’m not sure fuck buddies do the whole cute messaging thing either.”

“Fine,” I said as I turned to face him, raising my eyebrow in defiance. “What do you, oh high and mighty relationship expert, think then?”

Theo thought for a second and my stomach curdled because if it took him that long to think about it, I doubted I’d like the answer.

“You like him,” Theo said simply, and the sour feeling in my stomach deepened. “You went out of your way to get his number just so you could wish him good luck, you’re making jokes about work, so clearly he knows what you do for a living and doesn’t have an issue with it, and you’re comfortable sharing, which means you know him well. You’re totally flustered by me asking what you are to each other, and this whole conversation is making you look like you wanna vomit, so you clearly haven’t thought about this properly, even though you’re flirting with him.”

“That’s not… it’s not… fuck you!”

“I thought that was the plan?” Theo giggled and crawled over to me, sliding into my lap and putting his hands around my neck so I couldn’t avoid his gaze. It was exactly the same way Kane had sat on me in the bath, but while my cock was clearly interested in the cute boy sitting in my lap, there was none of the weird swooping in my stomach which happened when it was Kane.

Ah fuck. That was exactly what Theo was talking about.

“What’re you thinking?” Theo asked, kissing my nose lightly. “I know you’re thinking about something. Oh! Is it Kane?”

“Kanan,” I said absently. “Although I didn’t tell you that. Nobody else really knows his real name.”

Theo grinned. “You know, if you were trying to disprove my point, it’s not working.”

“You’re so fucking annoying, you know that?” I asked with a wry smile.

“I know, it’s part of the fun.”

I snorted, then grabbed onto his thighs and stood up, lifting him into the air. Theo shrieked and giggled as I spun us around and then dropped him back onto the bed, shoving my thigh between his knees and grabbing his hands to pin them above his head. “At this rate, I’m going to be fucking you with a very red ass, baby boy.”

“Ooh, spank me, Daddy,” Theo said with a laugh. “It’ll be fun. Everyone will love it.”

“I just might do that,” I said, releasing him gently and flopping down on the bed next to him. “What other things have you got in your bag today?”

“I’ve got a miniskirt, cropped blouse, and some white thigh-high socks because Jake and I were talking about maybe doing a slutty student-teacher thing this afternoon. I’ve got some cute white lace panties to go underneath it too.”

“Hot. I like it. I can’t wait to film it for you.” Since we didn’t work for a studio and our content was produced for whoever was involved to use on platforms such as MyFans, it meant we had to film and edit ourselves. A lot of our filming was done with multiple cameras around the room and a GoPro or phone strapped to my chest, but sometimes we’d either hire someone to come in and film for us, or if we planned it properly and a few of us were all planning to shoot together throughout the day, one of us would handle a camera to make sure we got plenty of variation in the footage. “What else?”

“I’ve got a pink set, a blue set, and a couple of minidresses too,” Theo said, counting them off on his fingers. “One of them is so short you can see my butt when I bend over.”

“You’ll have to show me.”

“I will.” He grinned. “As soon as you answer my questions about your not-boyfriend.”

I huffed and leant over to jab him in the ribs. “Why are you so nosy? I’ll tell Laurie.” Laurie was Theo’s best friend, roommate, and although Theo had never said it, I was pretty sure he was his boyfriend too. From the way Theo talked about him, it was obvious Laurie meant a lot to him. He also had a degree of control over Theo nobody else I knew had managed.

“You wouldn’t!”

“I would.”

“You don’t even know his number.”

“So? I can find him.”

“Ugh, you’re so mean!” Theo pouted. “Here I am, trying to help you get with the man you clearly have a crush on and you’re dismissing all my efforts. Especially because you have zero game.”

I raised an eyebrow and tried not to laugh. “Seriously? Zero? You’ve met me, right? Do you know how many men I’ve made drop to their knees for me with just a smile?”

“That’s different,” Theo said. “Sure, you can fuck pretty much anyone, but fucking and flirting are totally different. Especially when you’re flirting with someone you want to do more with than just fuck. Like… you can flirt with guys in bars and they’ll do anything you want, but flirting with Kane, a man you obviously have some sort of feelings for, is different. You want him to like you as a person, not only as a fabulous fuck.”

I hummed because Theo had a point. Kane occupied a strange, nebulous space in my brain that was dangerously close to my emotions. I kept trying to tell myself we were nothing more than long-term fuck buddies, but it was getting harder and harder to convince myself of that, especially after our most recent night together and the fact I hadn’t slept with anyone else, outside of work, in weeks.

Because if I didn’t have feelings for him, why the fuck did I fork out an arm and a leg to get him champagne, patisserie, strawberries, and roses at fucking midnight? And why the hell would I have sneakily stolen his number simply because I wanted him to know I believed in him?

“Look,” I said, finally giving in. I wasn’t going to tell Theo everything, but maybe he’d be able to help me untangle my thoughts and emotions so I stopped tripping over them. “What Kane and I have… it’s complicated.”

“How? Is it actually complicated or is it fake complicated because you can’t be asked to talk about it?”

“Hush, you,” I said, bopping him on the nose. “Fine, maybe it’s not that complicated. I met him back when I was still acting and we started hooking up. He was also in the industry and I think we were both kinda lonely and horny—I mean we were teenage boys, so that was a fucking given.” Theo giggled and I smiled. “I don’t think either of us expected it to go on this long. It’s been, like, ten years now and we still hook up whenever we see each other. It’s never been serious or anything more than amazing casual sex but recently…”

“Something changed,” Theo said. “You started making an effort.”

“Yeah, I guess.” I sighed and Theo raised an eyebrow. “Fine, okay, yeah, I started making an effort, but it’s only because I wanted to make him smile! He was stressed and kind of grumpy, so I joked about romance and somehow I ended up dropping over five hundred quid on room service to show him how special he is. But like—”

“If you’re going to say anyone would have done the same, then don’t even bother because we both know it’s not true,” Theo said. He leant up on one elbow and looked at me pointedly. “I don’t know why you’re trying to deny that there’s something between you. Nobody in the universe would spend ten years hooking up with someone if they didn’t like them! In all the time I’ve known you, you’ve never had a boyfriend or mentioned seeing anyone and you’re still refusing to admit what’s right in front of you. You like him, Austin.”

I contemplated denying it, but I didn’t think that would end well. “Maybe I do,” I said. It was the closest I’d let myself get to admitting I had feelings for the gorgeous, pain-in-the-ass actor who haunted my thoughts day and night. Because even if I did feel something for Kane, would it matter? I doubted he’d ever want more with me, so what was the point in pushing? I was happy with what we had now, and if it came down to keeping this arm’s-length fuck-buddy situation or never seeing each other again, I was always going to choose the former.

I’d had Kane in my life for so long, even if it was only sporadically, I couldn’t imagine him not being there.

Just the thought of it made my chest ache in a dull, painful way, like someone had shoved a blunt knife through my sternum.

“Think on it,” Theo said, leaning in to give me a soft kiss. “I want you to be happy, Austin. And if you think you’ve found someone who’ll put up with you and your bullshit—”

“Hey!”

“Then quite frankly you should be leaping into his arms, telling him you love him, and then finding the nearest flat, comfortable surface and fucking each other’s brains out.”

I chuckled. “We do that anyway.”

“Well, do that but with more feelings. Which you have to talk about first.”

“I’ll think about it, baby. I promise,” I said, returning his sweet kiss. Even though Theo’s pushing had bordered on annoying, I was glad he’d done it because it’d been nice to have someone to talk about this shit with. It had made me realise what I’d known for a while now but utterly refused to admit.

I wasn’t falling for Jude Kane, pop star turned Hollywood darling.

I was falling for Kanan Pendleberry, the sweet, snarky man behind the mask. The only person who challenged me, pushed me, and called me out on my shit.

And I was hopelessly and irremediably fucked.