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CHAPTER SIX

Kane

Auditions always made me nervous but this one had me ready to shit a brick. I desperately wanted to make a good impression and get a callback because this role had the potential to be life-changing for me and I couldn’t bear the thought of it slipping through my fingers.

I glanced out of the window as the taxi wound its way through some quiet part of London towards the address I’d been given. I had no idea how many other people would be there today or whether I’d know any of them, but I tried to put it out of my mind. All I could do was go in and do my best. Enough people looked down on me for being a former teenage pop star and I didn’t need to be one of them.

I glanced down at my lap to where my phone was resting on my thigh and flicked it open with my thumb, wondering if some light scrolling would take my mind off my worries. There were a few notifications that I went to dismiss and frowned when I saw one of them.

It was a WhatsApp message.

From Austin.

I didn’t even know he had my number.

Austin

Hey, your audition is today, right? You’re going to fucking smash it!

Austin

Also hey, yes, this is actually me. I put my number in your phone when you were taking a shower last weekend and stole yours. Thought it might be nice to actually be able to contact each other. You know, in case of dick emergencies ;P

I snorted and shook my head, ignoring the anxious fluttering in my stomach. I’d mentioned the audition to him offhandedly when we’d been chilling in his ridiculous hot-tub bath with the bottle of champagne, feeding each other strawberries and macaroons. I hadn’t actually expected him to remember it.

Kane

Omg stalker! =P

Kane

Thanks. I really want this one to go well. What are you up to?

Austin

I already said you’re gonna smash it so you will. I’m never wrong. And I’m filming today with the very pretty Theo and then Jake is coming along this afternoon too. Think we’re gonna get pizza afterwards.

Austin

I stand corrected. Theo says we’re getting Chinese because he’s doing all the work so he gets to choose. Bratty bottoms man, they’re so demanding.

I laughed because I couldn’t imagine anyone else bar me putting Austin in his place, but it was good to know it could be done.

Kane

I thought you liked it when I was bratty and demanding?

Austin

I admit nothing.

Austin

Message me later and let me know how you get on. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Austin

I’d say toes too but I can’t fucking do that.

Kane

Thanks, I’ll let you know.

A smile played across my face as I locked my phone and let it balance on my thigh. Austin had remembered, which was strange and sweet all at once, and I wasn’t completely sure how I felt about it.

On the one hand, we’d known each other for so long that we probably should have had each other’s number years ago and remembering details about each other’s life should have been par for the course, because that was what friends did.

On the other hand, when the hell had I started thinking of Austin as more than just a good fuck?

Now wasn’t the time to get into that discussion, though, because the taxi was pulling up outside of a rather nice-looking building that had obviously started life as an Edwardian villa. The full force of my nerves returned as I hopped out onto the pavement with my bag in hand. It was a leather satchel in deep blue with red stitching that Luke had given me for my birthday last year because he’d said it would be good to carry around scripts and my laptop in. I carried it fondly wherever I went, hoping a little of Luke’s talent would rub off on me.

I shook my hands and wiggled my fingers as I walked towards the door, which was a rich forest green with a gold knocker and had several lavender bushes on either side. There was a little plaque on the side of the door that had the name of the production company printed on it, and below that there was an intercom, which I pressed.

“Hi,” I said as soon as the receptionist answered. “My name is Jude Kane. I’m here to audition for Llewelyn .”

The door buzzed and unlocked, allowing me to push it open and step inside the tiled hallway. The reception area was in a small room to my left where a smiling young woman dressed in black told me to take a seat in the adjacent waiting room and I’d be seen soon.

I followed her directions and found a comfortable space with various expensive-looking chairs that looked out onto a small garden. There was a table with a coffee machine, jugs of water, and a small basket filled with packets of biscuits in one corner, and I helped myself to a glass of water before taking a seat.

There were a couple of other men here, both about my age, and while I recognised them, neither seemed inclined to talk beyond an acknowledging nod of the head. It made my stomach twist and I pushed down the bile rising in my throat. Every audition was different, but this was quite possibly the nicest space I’d been to. It felt more like I was waiting for a corporate job interview.

I debated messaging Austin again, just to distract myself, but I didn’t want to bother him. Instead I sipped my water and reviewed the script pages Miles had sent me that I’d printed out, along with some additional details about the role and the notes I’d made in a personal notebook.

I hadn’t realised it at the time, but the audition was for the titular character of Llewelyn, a passionate young artist who was invited to stay at the country estate of a lord who admired his work and with whom he would have a torrid affair that would eventually lead to them falling in love.

Miles hadn’t said if they’d signed anyone yet for the lord, and I had no idea if I’d meet someone today or at a later date. If I was lucky enough to get a callback.

But the more I read about the character of Llewelyn, the more I fell in love with him.

Even from the snippets I had, it was obvious he was lonely and longing to be loved, someone who threw himself into his work because he saw beauty wherever he went and desperately wanted to leave his mark on the world. Who yearned to be himself in a time and place where it was forbidden but refused to compromise himself because he valued his freedom.

I could see the complexity in the dialogue and picture how the scenes might play out in my head—the softness of some lines versus the teasing politeness of others. It would be a role which called for some subtlety and nuance at times, where facial expression and body language would be able to convey everything that couldn’t be said. But those gestures and expressions would need to be subtle too: a brush of fingers, a lingering glance, a word whispered in passing.

“Jude Kane?” A man’s voice snapped me to attention and I startled.

“Yes, here.”

The speaker looked around my age, with bright red glasses and a patterned shirt, and was standing by another door I hadn’t noticed. “Hi, would you like to follow me, please?” I practically leapt to my feet as I followed him out into another short corridor. “I’m Freddie, assistant to Melanie Law, the casting director.”

“Jude,” I said. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too.” He smiled and opened another door. “We’re just in this studio here.”

I stepped inside, taking in the darkly painted walls, wooden floors, bright overhead lighting, and heavy curtains hung over the windows. It was very like every other studio I’d been in, only somehow fancier. Like someone had taken a basic studio and decided to throw an unnecessarily large amount of money at it.

There was a little bit of furniture in the middle of the room, which gave it the feeling of a Regency drawing room, and on the far side of the room, a camera was set up next to a table that had two women sitting behind it. I tried not to do a double take when I realised who they were. It wasn’t just Melanie Law, who I knew by reputation alone, but in the seat next to her was the legendary television writer and producer, Jenny Hall.

Miles had told me that Jenny was the showrunner for Llewelyn but I hadn’t expected to see her here. It was very rare for any of the creative team behind a production to sit in on early auditions, and surely someone like Jenny Hall had better things to do with her day.

Melanie and Jenny looked up from their notes and smiled at me. Jenny’s expression looked warmer, but there was a hard glint in her bright blue eyes and I knew I was already being assessed. “Hi,” Melanie said. “You must be Jude. I’m Melanie Law, the casting director for Llewelyn , and this is Jenny Hall, our—”

“He doesn’t need a long list of my roles,” Jenny said with a wave of her hand. A few colourful bangles jingled on her wrist. “You can just say I’m the creative brain of this endeavour and leave it at that. It’s nice to meet you, Jude.”

“Nice to meet you too,” I said, feeling my nerves settle slightly. “Thanks for having me today.”

“Good, good,” Jenny said. “Shall we get started then? I’ll let Melanie explain since she’s the one in charge today. Mel, if I am taking over, please feel free to tell me. And Freddie, could you grab Mr. Kane a chair and some water, please. We’re going to have a little chat first and then we’ll get you doing some reading for us. How does that sound?”

I grinned because that all sounded perfect. And despite her fearsome reputation, I thought I’d get on quite well with Jenny. She seemed very no-nonsense, and I appreciated that. I liked her style too, with her ruffled shirt, colourful jewellery, and long grey hair pulled up into a loose bun—which looked like it was secured with an old pencil.

The power she radiated felt relaxed, not forced, like she knew who she was and what she was capable of, and she expected me to respect that but the choice was mine. It was different from the music industry executives I’d dealt with for most of my youth, in their sharp power suits and desperate need to rule by fear lest their income drop by more than one percent.

“That all sounds great, thanks. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Excellent. Anything to add, Mel?”

Melanie shook her head, looking vaguely amused by Jenny’s statement. “Not for now. I think you’ve said it all.”

“Oh blast, and I said I wouldn’t take over. You really must cut me off, Mel, or we’ll be here all day.”

I took the seat that Freddie offered me and sipped at the glass of water he’d put on the table. I hadn’t been expecting much of an in-depth chat, but given the location and who was here, I didn’t know why I was surprised that this audition was turning into one of the most unusual ones I’d been on.

“So,” Melanie said. “We just wanted to start with a few questions and some information about the show and Llewelyn—don’t worry, it’s not like a formal interview. We’re just interested to see where your thoughts are and get to know you a little better. I know Miles sent you some details over, so hopefully you’ve had a chance to read everything.”

“Yes,” I said eagerly, reaching down to my bag, which I’d put beside my chair, and pulling out a notebook where I’d scribbled some thoughts over the past few days. They were mostly personal notes, but it would help me remember all the things I wanted to talk about because I didn’t want to miss anything. “Do you want me to start with my thoughts on the overall story or Llewelyn? Because I think he and I have a lot in common.”

The pair of them grinned at me and I saw the glint in Jenny’s eyes soften into something that looked like appreciation.

I glanced down at my notes and took a steadying breath, then launched into my talking points and let my excitement sweep me away.