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CHAPTER TWELVE

Kane

When Austin had said he’d booked a table at a small local place for dinner, I hadn’t been sure what to expect. Italian maybe or Indian, perhaps even a pub or bistro. But definitely not a tiny hole-in-the-wall-style burger joint with battered wooden tables, an assortment of colourfully painted chairs, and vintage-style food and drink posters on the wall mixed in amongst neon lights in the shape of rainbows, burgers, fries, ice cream sundaes, and a bright pink balloon dog.

The smell of burgers and sizzling fryers greeted us as soon as we walked through the red front door and I inhaled deeply, my stomach rumbling. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a burger and now I was craving one.

There were quite a few people in here but none of them gave us a glance, all of them too fixated on their food and the other people at their table. The hum of happy chatter was audible above the bouncing background music, but it wasn’t so deafening that I wouldn’t be able to hear Austin. Or my own thoughts.

“Aussie! Long time, man!” A woman in a striped shirt and wide-leg floral-print jeans with a flamingo bandanna holding back her green hair strolled over to us from between the tables and pulled Austin into a hug. She barely came up to his shoulder. “I thought you’d forgotten us.”

“Fuck that,” Austin said, squeezing her tightly as he grinned. “I could never forget you. Mostly because I dream of this place every time I want a damn burger.”

“Good, good,” she said as she reached up to tap his cheek fondly. “I’ve taught you well.”

Austin laughed and turned to me. “Kanan, this is Astrid, one of the owners of Balloon Dog, the best fucking burger joint in the world.”

“Hey! Nice to meet you,” Astrid said, shooting me a warm smile. If she recognised me, it didn’t show on her face and it was deliciously refreshing. “Come on in. Aussie said you guys wanted privacy, so I’ve put you at the back. It’s not the most exclusive thing ever, but nobody here is gonna rat you out.” She winked at me and beckoned us to follow her towards a little table at the back of the room, just out of sight of the door and the small window next to it. She put a couple of laminated menus down in front of us and pointed at a chalkboard hung on the far wall. “We’ve got a couple of specials on too. I’ll let you have a look at everything and then I’ll be back. Also, Aussie, Delphi said she’s made a ‘literal fuck ton’ of onion rings today, so we won’t run out. And the fried pickles are back on the menu since you wouldn’t stop whining about me taking them off.”

“I don’t know why you did that in the first place! Those fucking pickles are the tits,” Austin said.

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” Astrid grinned at him. “Next time I’m gonna take a picture of you with some and use it with that quote for marketing.”

“Do you want me shirtless? I could totally do that. You’d be overrun by horny twinks, but they all want meat in their mouths, so it’ll be good for business.”

“Oh my God,” I said with a laugh, nudging his foot under the table. “I can’t with you.”

“I know. He’s a dick, isn’t he? He’s been like that ever since I met him when we were seven.” Astrid nudged Austin’s shoulder playfully. “But he might have a point… I could definitely use porn to sell burgers. We’ll make you our very own pin-up boy, Aussie.”

“Fuck it, let’s do it! I’ll wear a crop top, some slutty denim shorts, and a cute pair of high-tops. Oh, and some long socks too,” Austin said, seeming far too pleased with himself.

I looked down at the menu and tried not to picture Austin in tiny shorts, a crop top, and knee-high socks bending over with a whipped cream-topped milkshake on a tray like those classic pin-ups. The idea alone was enough to short-circuit my brain and I wasn’t sure I’d survive the reality.

Even if he didn’t get all dressed up for Astrid, I’d have to ask him to get all dressed up for me. Because now he’d mentioned it, I couldn’t go the rest of my life not experiencing Austin like that. He’d look so fucking sexy I’d probably explode.

“What’re you thinking about?” Austin asked as he brushed his hand across the back of mine and I realised Astrid had left us alone to look at everything.

“Definitely not you in slutty shorts,” I said under my breath, trying to focus on the list of drinks on offer. They had milkshakes, another thing I hadn’t had in months. Maybe even years. When I’d been in Underground Dreaming, all our food and drink intake had been carefully monitored and after we’d split up, I’d never really developed the habit of eating whatever I fancied unless someone offered it to me.

“Really?”

“You don’t need to sound so delighted.”

“You know, I’ve got some incredibly inappropriate ones in a drawer at home… They pretty much show off half my ass. Want me to put them on later?”

I glanced up at him and sighed because his grin was ridiculous but I couldn’t help but find it charming. “You’re a bastard.”

“What? Why?”

“For offering to do that when we’re in public,” I hissed, shifting in my seat as I tried to ignore the way my cock had thickened uncomfortably in my jeans.

Austin smirked and leant slightly over the table, hooking his foot around mine underneath it to hold me in place. “Don’t worry, kitten. I’ll take care of you later. I promise.”

“You fucking better,” I grumbled, looking back at the menu as a smile slid across my lips.

“Trust me, I always keep my promises,” he said. “First, I’m going to feed you, and then I’m going to fuck you. It’ll be the perfect night.”

My heart did a strange little flip as he spoke, my insides clenching weirdly. This whole day had already been perfect. Fuck, every time I’d hung out with Austin recently had been perfect. I didn’t think it was possible for our time together to be anything different.

“What’re you thinking?” Austin asked. “I’m definitely getting fried pickles because, as I said, they are the absolute tits. And their barbecue bacon cheeseburger is literally the stuff of dreams, and the onion rings too. Obviously, there has to be fries as well because otherwise what’s the fucking point? Hmmm, I think I’m gonna get a milkshake too—maybe a chocolate one… or strawberry.”

“I think I’m going to get a milkshake too,” I said. “Yeah, I am. The chocolate one. And then…” I huffed out a breath because everything looked so good I didn’t know what to choose. Did I want a beef burger? Or something with fried chicken? Both had options that sounded amazing. “I think I’ll get the barbecue bacon cheeseburger too. With fries and onion rings. And maybe some mac and cheese bites? I’m kinda hungry. You can keep your fried pickles, though.”

“What?” Austin sounded outraged and I snorted as I looked up at him. “What the fuck’s wrong with fried pickles? They’re lush.”

“They’re too vinegary,” I said, pulling a face at the thought of them. “And seriously, why would you choose pickles as the thing to deep fry? There are so many better options!”

“This is fucking heresy,” Austin said. “And I thought I knew you. What other secrets are you hiding from me, Mr. Pendleberry?”

“I don’t know! It depends on what you already know.”

Austin thought for a second. “Okay then, tell me something about yourself you’ve never told anyone else.”

“Er…” I searched around for a moment, trying to find a memory that wasn’t so embarrassing I never wanted to think about it again but was bad enough that he’d believe I’d never told anyone about it. “Until I was fifteen, I thought Moleskine notebooks were made out of real mole skin.” Austin screwed up his face and I could tell he was trying really hard not to laugh at me. “Don’t laugh! It was a genuine mistake!”

“I’m not laughing,” Austin said, forcing the words out from between his teeth. “Seriously, I’m not. That’s just… only you.”

I ignored the pull in my chest as I spoke. “Thanks, I think. Go on then, your turn—something you’ve never told anyone else.”

Austin tapped his fingers on the table, his eyes roaming around the room as he searched for something. “When I was seventeen, I got shit-faced on New Year’s Eve and nearly got arrested for public indecency because I tried to take a piss in a bin.”

“That is disgusting but only you would try and find a bin to piss in rather than doing it on the street.”

“What can I say? I’m classy like that.”

I chuckled and noticed Astrid approaching the table again, notepad in hand. “How’re you getting on? Can I get you some drinks?”

“I’ll have a chocolate milkshake, please,” I said and glanced at Austin. “Are you ready to order food too?”

“Be my guest,” he said.

“And then can I have the barbecue bacon cheeseburger, please? With fries, onion rings, and a side of mac and cheese bites.”

“Of course,” Astrid said with a nod as she scribbled on her pad. I noticed her pen was pink. “What about you, Aussie?”

Austin ordered and Astrid promised us the food wouldn’t be too long before collecting up the menus and strolling off towards the kitchen hatch, which was off to one side with a red frame around it. I could see a hint of the busy kitchen behind as Astrid handed a ticket to a man dressed in black, who nodded and smiled.

“When did you meet Astrid?” I asked, suddenly curious.

“At this Saturday drama class my mum used to take me to,” Austin said, looking over at Astrid, who was clearing plates from another table. “She was this weird, funny kid and we clicked. Our mums got on too, which helped, and even when I went off to start filming six months later, we managed to stay in touch—mostly because we both got on shit like Facebook and Instagram when we were really young. For a while we kind of existed around the edge of each other? Like, we’d like each other’s posts and shit. And then when I moved up to York, I realised she was here too and I came to find her. Her wife, Delphi, is from York originally and they decided to set up here rather than London. Kinda like fate to be honest.” He grinned. “She’s the same weird, funny person I remember and she’s never given me grief for quitting acting like some people.”

“I like her,” I said. “Anyone who takes the piss out of you is a good person.”

“Cheeky shit,” Austin said, nudging my leg under the table. He grinned and looked around again. “I thought you’d like it here. It’s a bit different from fancy restaurants and high-end clubs.”

I nodded, following his gaze to take in the room again, drinking in every detail I could. “It’s amazing. It feels… normal? Is that the right word? I kind of miss normal, but at the same time I’m not really sure if I know what normal is.” It felt strange to say it out loud, but it was the truth. I’d existed in a protected bubble for so long, I had no idea what the world was like outside it.

“I feel like an alien visiting another planet sometimes,” I continued. “It’s very rare I don’t get stared at or asked for stuff, and I know some celebrities manage to have something like a normal existence—I mean they can at least go to Tesco without getting mobbed—but that’s not always possible for me. I hoped when the band split up things would get better, and they have but…”

Austin reached over the table and casually squeezed my hand. “I get it and it’s okay. You’ll probably never have a life like everyone else’s, especially if you get bigger acting parts, but who gives a shit? We can figure out what’s our normal—fuck everything else.”

“Yeah,” I said with a nod. “We can.”

Astrid appeared a moment later with two towering milkshakes dripping with whipped cream and sauce, a cherry balanced on the top of each of them, and my eyes nearly popped out of their sockets in delight.

It was only when I was taking my first sip and savouring the rich, creamy chocolate shake that I realised Austin had said we —and I’d agreed with him.

I smiled to myself and took another sip.

Whatever this was, whatever we were doing, we’d figure it out in our own time.

Fuck everything else.