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CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Kane

I squeezed Austin’s hand tightly as we prepared to step onto the short red carpet in front of a huge promotional banner and a crowd of hungry journalists. Nerves bubbled in my stomach and it felt like the waistband of my suit trousers was digging in horribly. The collar of my shirt was also choking me, and I didn’t know if I’d somehow been dressed in the worst-fitting suit of all time or if my anxiety was making me hyper-aware of my clothes.

I wasn’t afraid of introducing Austin to the press or announcing our relationship. It was more the whole presenting our relationship to the world and knowing that people would judge us.

I’d never been in a public relationship that wasn’t approved by a label or publicity team, and with Luke I hadn’t really cared how people reacted because our relationship wasn’t real. Nothing the fans or the media had said had bothered me because they were more invested in the relationship than I was. Luke and I had been friends and that was it, and kissing him, holding his hand, or putting my arm around his shoulder had only been part of the act.

Luke had once joked that our relationship had given me the best acting lessons in chemistry available because we’d both known we had to sell the whole charade and sell it well. And both our fans had been dedicated enough to know if something was off—which had always been a little creepy and invasive, but at least it had taught me how to fake it with someone.

But things were different with Austin.

This relationship was real and so were my feelings, at a level that almost scared me. I’d never imagined feeling like this about anyone, let alone the man I’d been hooking up with and bitching about for the last ten years. Although in hindsight, maybe this outcome had been inevitable given everything we’d been through. But that inevitability didn’t make my feelings any less real or all-encompassing. In fact, it almost made them more intense. Like a tidal wave had finally been released from the dam that had been holding it back.

I knew people were going to say shit and I’d already muted a ton of keywords on my secret social media accounts to block out everything. But I also knew someone was probably going to say something to my face, and it’d take everything in my power not to tell them to get fucked.

Austin had promised me over and over that it didn’t bother him, but I wasn’t a hundred percent sure I believed him. It had to hurt knowing people judged him so harshly for doing porn, especially when those same people were probably going to go home and jerk off to whatever subscriptions or videos they’d got bookmarked. It was so fucking hypocritical that I wanted to scream.

Maybe I would.

Or maybe I’d just start asking pointed questions to whatever journalist was trying to dig and cause trouble about whether they’d ever watched porn themselves.

It might not get me very far or make me very popular, but it would get my point across.

But despite all my worries and fears, I wanted people to know about us. To know that I was in a real relationship and happier than I’d ever dreamed possible with a man who made every day brighter.

I’d talked to Miles about it—who’d been unsurprisingly chilled about the whole thing—as well as the rom com’s director and producer and my fellow castmates, just to give them all a heads-up so they weren’t completely blindsided. Like Miles, they’d all been very relaxed about it, and Priya, who played the other romantic lead, had told me with the sweetest sincerity that she couldn’t wait to meet him.

“Are you ready, kitten?” Austin asked in a low voice, his head tilted towards me so nobody else would be able to hear what he said. He’d gone all out in his custom suit that was perfectly tailored to fit every inch of his body from a small shop on Savile Row. It was a simple black suit, understated so he wouldn’t steal my spotlight but elevated in a way that made it clear he wasn’t playing around. He was here to be my perfect trophy boyfriend and to him that meant looking immaculate.

Austin understood how these things worked, even if he’d been very happy to escape from the glittering world of film and television, so he’d been happy for my stylists to do his hair and apply a little bit of make-up while he chatted with them affably and asked a thousand questions about their lives. It was like he’d always been there and in a way he had. Only now he was physically filling the space I’d left open for him all along.

“I think so,” I said, hoping I didn’t sound as nervous as I felt.

“There’s still time to change your mind. I can always go back to the hotel or slide in through a side door so nobody sees me.”

I shook my head. “No. I want you here.”

“Then let’s go. People are waiting for you.”

I smiled at him and nodded, squeezing his hand tighter. “Thank you… for being here.”

“Always, sweetheart, you know that.” His smile was a warm balm for my nerves, soothing my anxieties and giving me courage. I smiled my perfect, practised, polished smile, the one everyone expected me to wear, and stepped out into the limelight, Austin just behind me.

Cameras flashed, the bright lights creating stars in the corner of my eyes as people called my name. I smiled and posed, Austin’s hand still in mine as we stood in front of the banner promoting the streaming service and the film. I could see people staring at us and I noted with interest the difference in looks between people who knew who Austin was and people who didn’t or were still trying to place him. After all, he looked a little different from the sweet teenage heartthrob he’d played on TV all those years ago.

I did have to make press appearances, though, and one of the media reps directed me forward to start my long line of interviews. Austin gently let go of my hand and when I glanced over my shoulder, he gave me a subtle nod and smile as he followed me like a shadow. He wasn’t going to intrude on my moment, or my spotlight, but he was still going to be there in case I needed him.

First up was an online media outlet who’d been following me for years and their journalist, Jenna, was someone I’d grown to know well. I liked her and she’d always been very kind, so hopefully she’d be a good person to start with. To my left, I could see Priya talking to another outlet and I waved at her because this was somehow the first time I’d seen her all evening.

She beamed and waved back, and I knew as soon as she’d finished she’d be over to join me—hopefully saving me from any awkward questions. If we played our cards right, we should be able to do the press line together, which would make more sense anyway since this was a rom com.

“Jude Kane, it’s so good to see you,” Jenna said with a bright smile as she handed me a microphone. “How excited are you tonight to be here for the launch of Say I Don’t ?”

My smile relaxed into a genuine one and I silently thanked Jenna for starting out with something simple. “I’m so excited. We had so much fun making this film and I can’t wait for everyone to see it. I’ve always loved watching rom coms, so I’m really glad that they’re back and that I get to star in one.”

“Oh my gosh, you’re a rom com fan? What’s your favourite?”

“Oh, er, this is really hard… I loved My Big Fat Greek Wedding , 27 Dresses, How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, Fire Island, Crazy Rich Asians… the list just goes on. I’m really hoping that Say I Don’t becomes some people’s favourite.”

“I can’t wait to see it,” Jenna said before launching into a couple more simple puff questions about the film, my character, and my favourite moments from filming. Then she looked at her cameras and back at me, lowering her mic for a second. “Hey, it’s totally cool if not, but can I ask you about your date?”

“Sure,” I said, reaching my hand back and wiggling my fingers to summon Austin forward. I glanced back at him, struck by just how fucking gorgeous he looked in his suit and wondering how opposed he’d be to fucking me in it later. “This is my boyfriend, Austin Carter.”

Jenna did a little fangirl scream of delight and it made me realise just how perfect a person she’d been to start with because her excitement was infectious. I wondered if someone had pulled some strings behind the scenes to make sure the first person I spoke to would be sweet and supportive. “Oh my gosh, that’s so exciting! I’m dying! How long have you two been together?”

“It’s pretty recent,” I said as I slipped my hand back into Austin’s. “But we’ve known each other for a long time… like, ten years.”

“Yeah, about that,” Austin said with his most charming smile. “We met back in LA at the Kids’ Choice Awards when Underground Dreaming performed.”

“And you won the award for best TV actor.”

“That’s so cute,” Jenna said. “And you stayed in touch?”

“We did,” Austin said. “I mean, have you met him? He’s amazing!”

“Flatterer,” I said, giving him a playful nudge. “He’s just as awesome.”

“I am.” Austin winked and pressed a kiss to the side of my head. “We took some time to get our act together, but here we are. And I’m so excited to be here to support him.”

“Thank you,” I said as I looked up at him with a smile, my heart aching as it swelled with so much emotion it felt like my chest might actually burst. “Making this film was such a fantastic experience and I really hope everyone loves it as much as we do.”

“They’re going to because we’re awesome,” Priya said, sliding in next to me in an incredible sequinned dress and throwing her arms around me to hug me tightly. “Sorry, I’m just squeezing in here because I haven’t seen him all evening!”

“That’s so sweet,” Jenna said, happily rolling with what was being thrown at her. She probably had enough content for months but I wouldn’t be surprised if half of it appeared on TikTok in the next ten minutes, especially since she seemed to have someone filming on a camera and another person on a phone. “What was your favourite part about working together?”

“Oh, one hundred percent the fact that he would bring me coffee every morning,” Priya said, patting my chest fondly. “Especially when he was off and I was still in hair and make-up, and he’d turn up with coffee and pastries for me even though he didn’t have to be up, let alone on set.”

“I didn’t want you starving,” I said with a smile. “Especially not when you get hangry. Also it meant I had an excuse to get coffee and pastries.”

“Now the truth comes out,” Priya said, laughing brightly.

“Hey, they had pistachio croissants,” I said, glancing up at Austin. “I couldn’t miss out.” Austin was smiling, his eyes dancing with fondness. I was so happy he was here and that I hadn’t let my nerves get the better of me.

We finally moved on from Jenna to the next people in line, Priya joining us so we could do the press together.

Austin’s hand stayed firmly in mine, anchoring me to reality.

And my heart kept fluttering wildly.