Page 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Kane

I felt like I was floating on a cloud for a whole week after I came back from New York. Everything seemed to be falling perfectly into place.

Say I Don’t had launched on streaming to largely positive reviews and had the service’s best opening weekend for a new film in several years, which was apparently making people ask if there was going to be a sequel—even if the film didn’t really need one. I’d started seeing clips of it popping up all over my social media, which I was taking as a good sign despite the fact it was making me sick of looking at my own face.

There’d been a mostly positive response to Austin and me as well. There were obviously trolls and more than a few people who could excuse me being gay but couldn’t get past the “dating a porn star” part. There were also a few people who were obviously jealous and the PR firm that usually handled my social media said there’d been an uptick in DMs asking inappropriate questions. I knew Austin had gotten them too because he’d posted a statement basically saying to stop asking him questions about his boyfriend and anyone who messaged him shit about me would be blocked on all his platforms, including MyFans.

I’d appreciated him going to bat for me, even if it felt a bit over the top.

His possessiveness was kind of hot, though, and if he hadn’t had to go back to York for work, I’d have shown him how much I loved it. Repeatedly.

But since I was home alone, all I could do was send him sexy messages, jerk off, and count down the days until I got to see him again. It didn’t help that I had a quiet couple of weeks with only a few interviews lined up, so the only things I had to distract myself from my boredom were the gym, reading, gaming, and watching Austin’s videos.

Luke had dragged me across to the bakery a couple of times and taught me to make cupcakes and cake pops, and it had been fun to catch up while making the delicious treats. And he’d let me bring some home afterwards, so that was a bonus. I was desperate to properly introduce him to Austin because I thought the two of them would get on well, and Luke had promised to meet us for dinner the next time Austin was down.

It was now Friday, a whole week after New York, and I was lying on my sofa half watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding and half playing a game on my phone when Miles’s name and picture flashed across the screen, the device vibrating in my hand. I frowned as I swiped the green button to answer his call because Miles very rarely called me without messaging first.

“Hey, Miles,” I said, digging the TV remote out from under my butt so I could pause the film.

“Hey, Kane,” he said and I could hear there was something wrong from the way he said my name. “Have you got a few minutes?”

“Yeah, of course. Everything okay?”

“Not really. The production company behind Llewelyn have decided to rescind your offer of the part. They don’t want you for Llewelyn anymore.”

“W-What? Why? Can they even do that? I thought we’d signed the contract?”

“We’d had the offer and a contract template to look over, but nothing had been formally signed,” Miles said, irritation clear in his voice. “So yes, technically they’re within their right to do that. As for the why, the only answer I’ve managed to get out of them is that they think you’re no longer a good fit and you don’t align with their brand.”

“What the fuck? What does that even mean?” Anger and dismay surged through me, spiralling into a tornado of emotion that threatened to rip everything apart. I tried to take a deep breath, but the air wouldn’t go into my lungs. I knew what they’d told Miles was just corporate bullshit designed to fob him off, but trying to read between the lines was hard when I was seeing red.

It felt like dealing with the fucking record label all over again because the whole “not being a good fit” and “not aligning with the label’s values or the band’s image” were the reasons they’d given me over and over for not letting me come out. “They know I’m gay, right? This whole production is queer. It’s a queer show. That can’t be what they have an issue with!”

“I don’t think it’s that,” Miles said. I’d never heard him this angry but then again this felt personal. Miles was a queer man who’d always fought for his clients, many of whom were also members of the LGBTQ+ community, and I was sure by this point he’d heard every excuse in the book. The fact that he was getting so worked up was proof of how much he cared.

“Is it…” The realisation hit me like a ton of bricks, as if someone had opened the ceiling and dumped them on top of me. “Is it because of my relationship? Are they seriously doing this because of Austin? How fucking petty can they be?”

We’d both known there would be some blowback from going public, given who we both were and what Austin did for a living, but I’d genuinely never considered this would be a consequence. I’d known there was a chance I’d lose parts in the future, but I hadn’t imagined I’d have parts taken away from me that I’d already been given.

Maybe that was na?ve of me.

After all, I’d known how the music industry worked ever since I was sixteen. Why would film or television be any different? Especially these days with executives breathing down people’s necks and basing every decision on how much money it would make or lose them.

It still fucking stung, though.

“Do you want me to be honest?” Miles asked.

“Yeah, I do,” I said, kicking my legs off the side of the sofa and standing up so I could start pacing. The idea of sitting still any longer was making my skin crawl.

“Then yeah, I think it probably is. They’re just couching it as corporate bullshit to fob us off.”

“I knew it! They’re not exactly being fucking subtle.”

Miles laughed hollowly. “No, they’re not.” He sighed. “I can try and push back. Jenny Hall is on our side—she sent me an email overnight—but I don’t know how much good it will do. I’m sorry, Kane. I should have seen this coming.”

“No, it’s not your fault,” I said. “The only ones to blame here are the stuck-up dicks who made this decision.”

“Is Austin there with you?”

“No. He’s working.” I stopped pacing for a second and bit my lip. I had to find a way to tell him and not let him blame himself, because he would. Austin was a selfless bastard as well as an annoying one, and he’d shoulder the responsibility for this without a second thought. Either that or he’d tell me we should break up because it would make my life easier, but fuck that. I was done playing.

I’d spent so much time having every facet of my life controlled and dictated by someone sitting in a corporate office and I refused to play their games anymore. I’d thought taking charge of my career and moving away from music would set me free, but I’d just swapped one cage for another subtler one. But no more. If I was going to act, I was going to do it on my terms and if people didn’t like that, then fine. There would be more parts. And if not, I’d find something else to do with my life.

Missing out on Llewelyn would sting for a long time, but I wasn’t done fighting yet.

I just had to consider my options before I did anything. This was not the time for rash decisions.

“Talk to him,” Miles said. “I’ll get in touch with Jenny and the production company, see if we can arrange a meeting or something. I don’t know if they’ll even respond, but I’ll do my best.”

“Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll get back to you soon.”

We hung up and I turned my phone over in my hand as I started to pace again. I wanted to call Austin, but I didn’t want to disturb him if he was in the middle of filming. I was pretty sure being told your boyfriend had been dumped from the part he’d really wanted because he was in a relationship with you, a porn star, was the ultimate mood killer.

In the end, I sent him a text asking him to call me, made sure my phone was on vibrate, and went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea.

I’d just gotten back to the sofa, tea and a packet of chocolate Hobnobs in hand, when Austin called and I nearly threw tea all over myself trying to answer it.

“Hey,” Austin said, his deep voice laced with concern. I could hear voices in the background followed by the sound of his feet on stairs. “What’s wrong?”

“So, er, I had a phone call from Miles. About Llewelyn . They dropped me.”

“What the fuck ? Why?”

“Because I was open about our relationship,” I said, trying not to let bitterness seep into my tone. “Apparently me being gay is fine, but me being in a relationship with someone who does porn is crossing the line. Except they didn’t say that explicitly. They only implied it.” I told him about the rest of the conversation with Miles, including the fact that Jenny Hall was on my side but our options were limited.

“I’m sorry,” Austin said, soft and sad. “This is my fault. We should never have come out publicly.”

“No. Don’t you fucking dare say that!”

“It’s the truth, though, kitten. I cost you this role.”

“No, their bigotry did,” I said, my anger resurging. “You are not allowed to blame yourself.”

“You can’t stop me,” he said with a wry chuckle.

“Yes, I can. Just watch me.” I didn’t know how I’d stop him but I would. “Who’s with you today?”

“Jake, Kai, and Theo.”

“I’ll tell them if I have to. Make sure they don’t let you blame yourself.”

He chuckled again. “You’re a sweet boy, kitten. But whatever you say, I can still be sorry this happened to you.”

“Thanks,” I said. “It’s weird. I’m upset but I’m more angry? Like, this just feels like another round of bullshit with the record label. I know this is all part of working in the industry but fuck, when am I going to be allowed to live my life on my terms?”

“Why do you think I left?” Austin’s voice was laced with sorrow. “I was never going to be the man they wanted me to be, so I made my choice. And I’ve never regretted it, except for maybe now.”

“No, please don’t. I love that you’re happy and that you love what you do. I need you to keep doing that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I never want you to change yourself for me. If you do, you won’t be the irritating bastard I fell for.” There were more words sitting on my tongue, but I didn’t know how to say them. Not over the phone.

If I was going to tell Austin I loved him, it was going to be in person where I could kiss him senseless afterwards.

Because I did love him.

More than anything.

And I’d loved him for longer than I could probably remember. I’d just never accepted it until recently when I dared to take the next step and let him into my life.

“I…” But what I wanted to add was cut off by the sharp ringing of the doorbell. I frowned. Very few people had my address and the street my house was on had a security guard post at either end, which was where all my packages were delivered to. “Hang on,” I said. “There’s someone at the door.”

“You expecting anyone?”

“No…” I put my tea and biscuits on the coffee table and walked slowly towards the front door, leaving Austin on the line just in case. I peered at the security feed next to the door and did a double take, rubbing my eyes with one hand to make sure they weren’t lying to me. “Babe, I’m gonna call you back.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah… just got a visitor.”

I hung up and unlocked the door, pulling it open to reveal the handsome, smartly dressed figure on my doorstep. His black hair was pushed back by a large pair of sunglasses and he was holding his phone to his ear, halfway through a conversation. His tone was as irritated as his expression, and I was surprised the neighbours weren’t leaning out of their windows to listen. “No, I don’t give a fuck who they are… No, I don’t care if they’re busy. I shouldn’t be having to deal with this shit! They need to call me. Right now… I’m sorry, that’s not acceptable. Don’t you know who I am? Thank you. I’ll be waiting.”

Henry Lu smiled charmingly at me as he shoved his phone into the pocket of his designer jeans. “Hello, darling, I heard you might need some help.”