Page 32 of Cinder & Secrets (Ink & Ashes #2)

Charlotte

“How do you feel?” River runs his hands down my bare arms, suds collecting along my skin as the water from the shower beats down on us from above.

“A little better,” I admit, though that’s not saying a whole lot.

The last couple of days have been a lot... To say the least.

First River showing up. Then, me passing out. The hospital. The miscarriage.

I knew something was off about my period.

It’s sporadic and hard to predict, but when it does come, it’s usually always the same.

But this... The cramping. The amount of blood flow.

I should’ve suspected something was off, but then again, why would I?

I had no reason to believe I could even get pregnant, birth control or not.

A miscarriage was the furthest thing from my mind.

And while I had no time to even process the fact that for a short time, I was actually pregnant, I still feel really sad.

I guess that’s to be expected. Even if I’m nowhere near ready to have children, knowing that there was a human life growing inside of me, no matter how brief, and now there isn’t, feels a lot like losing a small piece of myself.

“Is there anything you need?” River’s lips find my shoulder and he presses a kiss to my wet skin.

“Just this.” I settle deeper into him, his chest firm against my back, keeping me upright.

His arms come around me, hugging around my chest.

“We can talk about it... If you want,” he offers.

“What’s there to say that we haven’t already said? I’m just sorry.”

“We’ve been over this. You have no reason to be sorry. People get pregnant all the time, despite taking precautions. Besides, I’m pretty sure you didn’t conceive a baby all by yourself.”

Baby... Just the thought has tears stinging the backs of my eyes.

As much as I’m not ready to be a mom, a part of me is still mourning what I lost and what I know I will likely never have.

“Are you sure you want this?” I ask, emotion thick in my voice.

“What do you mean?”

“Me?” I glance up at him over my shoulder.

“Is that even a question?” He takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger, holding my head in place. “Do you really believe I would be here if I didn’t want to be?”

“I just don’t want you to feel obligated...”

“Charlotte.” He shakes his head at me. “I love you. I’m here because I want to be and for no other reason.”

“Say it again.” A soft smile touches my lips.

Despite everything that’s happened, one thing has not changed—this man’s ability to make me feel happier than I ever dreamed possible, even in one of the lowest moments of my life.

“I love you, Charlotte O’Malley.”

I turn in his embrace, my hands going to his waist. I flex my fingers into the firm ripple of his muscle, not missing the pink hue that now tints the water at our feet.

I’m bleeding heavier today than yesterday.

I cringe slightly at the sight. It’s the very reason I told him not to get in the shower with me to begin with, but he was hearing nothing of it.

He climbed in behind me without a second thought.

“So you think this can actually work?” I ask, looking up to find him watching me intently.

“I do.” He takes the wet strand of hair sticking to the side of my neck and moves it away with a gentle brush of his fingers.

“Why now?”

“Because now I know I can’t live without you. Nothing else matters. We can figure it out as we go.”

“So we’re doing this? Like really doing it. You and me?” After everything, I feel like I just need to hear him say it.

“You and me.” He nods, dark green eyes locked on mine.

“And what about the fact that you live in an entirely different state?”

“Hasn’t stopped us to this point.” He leans in closer so that our noses almost touch.

“Fair point.” I reach up, cupping his neck with both of my hands.

“I know we have a lot to figure out, but right now, all you need to know is that I love you and that I’m here, and that I’m not going anywhere. I spent the last few days hating every second without you. It was enough for me to realize that I don’t ever want to do it again.”

“You were so convinced that I was too young for you. That our lives were too far apart... What changed your mind?”

“You did.”

“How?”

“For so long, anytime anyone got too close, all I felt was panic. But with you, while I won’t deny that I was scared, that I still am scared, the thought of living without you terrifies me more.

Over this last year, you have become my best friend.

Anytime something happens, you’re the first person I want to tell.

When I wake up, you’re the first thing I think about and the last thing on my mind as I drift to sleep each night.

Without even realizing you’d done it, you replaced the axis my world spins on.

You are now that axis. The very thing that tethers me to the universe. There is no longer me without you.”

I don’t even realize I’ve begun to cry until River reaches up, swiping away the tears that now stain my cheeks.

“Well, when you put it like that,” I choke out, something between a sob and a laugh scraping its way up my throat. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For taking such good care of me. For being so amazing through all of this. I’m not sure I deserve your kindness, but it means more to me than you will ever know.”

“You deserve a lot more than just my kindness. You deserve my love. My respect. My devotion. And I plan to give you all of that and so much more. I’m going to love you so completely that you’ll never again doubt whether or not you deserve it.

Because you do. And I will spend every single day reminding you of this fact. ”

“Is that all?” I release my hold on him, letting my hands slide down his chest before resting my forehead there, against his wet skin.

“You want more?” Humor laces his words.

“No.” I shake my head, lifting my face to meet his. “I just want you.”

“I’m yours.” He takes my face in his hands, leaning in to lay a soft kiss to my mouth.

I melt into his touch.

It’s not sexual.

There’s no expectation or goal.

He kisses me just to kiss me.

And I love every single second of it.

“I love you,” I murmur against his lips, my arms closing around his neck.

God, how freeing it is to finally just say it out loud. To not have to hold in how I’m feeling. To just admit the truth without restraint or apology.

I love him... It really is that simple. And yet, my feelings for him are anything but simple. They are complex, sometimes confusing, and often overwhelming, but that makes it all the more exciting.

He snakes an arm around my waist, pulling me flush against him.

“I... Um...” I immediately try to pull away, self-conscious about the fact that I’m bleeding.

“Don’t.” He reads my thoughts perfectly, tightening his grip on me to prevent me from slipping away.

“I don’t mind and neither should you. I love every part of you, Charlotte.

Every freckle.” He kisses my nose. “Every pore.” His lips brush my cheek.

“Every hair. Every drop of blood. From the top of your head to the tips of your toes, there isn’t a single thing about you that isn’t utter perfection. ”

I relax against him, his words like a soothing balm to my fractured soul.

“Careful, Mr. Parker. I might start thinking you actually mean what you’re saying.”

“Good. Because I mean every word.” He captures my face in his hands a second time, forcing me to meet his gaze. “I need to know that you’re hearing me.”

“I hear you.”

“And that you believe me.”

“I believe you.”

“Good.” He kisses me. “Now, what do you say we put on those ridiculous robes”—he gestures to the fluffy bathrobes hanging on the back of the closet door—“order pizza, and not leave the bed for the remainder of the day? And maybe tomorrow too.”

“Under one condition.” I pull back with a smile.

“Name it, Red.”

“You make sure to remember the pineapple on the pizza.”

“Fucking pineapple,” he murmurs, tugging my mouth back to his.

“You love it, and you know it.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” He laughs, the sound full and rich. “But I’ll tell you what I do love... You.”

“Enough to eat pineapple on your pizza for the foreseeable future?” I cock a brow.

“Enough to eat pineapple on my pizza for the rest of my life.”

My heart does a full somersault in my chest.

There are not enough words in the English language to describe the intensity of my feelings for this man.

It happened slowly and yet kind of all at once.

He became a quest, a challenge, a thirst I simply had to quench.

But once I had him, I knew I had severely underestimated who actually held the power here. It was never me. I think, in a way, I’ve always known that.

He wasn’t a quest or a challenge. Those are just the things I told myself to make me feel like I still possessed even a semblance of control where River Parker was concerned.

Newsflash, I don’t. I never did.

He had me from the first time he smiled at me.

And what’s worse, I think he knew it too.

“I knew from the first moment I laid eyes on you that you were something special,” he says as if his thoughts mirror my own. “I’m happy to report just how right I was.”

“Now is not the time to gloat.” I smile, feeling much lighter than I have all day. “It’s time to order pizza.” I kiss the corner of his mouth before stepping out from under the water.

His eyes trace the movement, watching me as I exit the shower.

“Well, are you coming?” I ask, glancing at him over my shoulder as I slip into my robe.

“What do you think?” He grins, following me out of the bathroom moments later.

“Char.” My eyes flutter open and instantly meet River’s, his face so close to mine I can feel his warm breath on my face. “It’s time to wake up.” His hand touches my hair, fingers slipping through the tangled strands that I didn’t even bother to brush after getting out of the shower.

Pulling the blanket up to my face, I cover my mouth as I speak, having not yet brushed my teeth.