Page 3 of Cinder & Secrets (Ink & Ashes #2)

I regretted it the moment I said it and have had to spend the last five or so months living in that lie.

Though it did give me a cover for being on my phone all the time.

Now, when they see me smiling at the damn thing, I don’t have to answer twenty questions.

Though those days have become fewer and far between as of late.

I know River is distancing himself from me. I just don’t yet understand why. Is it because he’s tired of talking to me and doesn’t want to pursue anything? Or is it because he does want to pursue something with me but is worried about what other people might think?

It’s something he’s said before, that he’s unsure about the age difference between us. I turned nineteen a few months ago. He just turned twenty-four. And while five years feels like nothing to me, given that I’m the same age as his baby sister, I can kinda see his hiccup.

Then again, it’s not like I’m asking the man to marry me. I just want him to fuck me. And then maybe repeat it a few times until he’s out of my system so I can finally move on and get back to being me .

“I wasn’t trying to offend you,” I finally say, softening my approach. “It’s just... You can do so much better than him.” Again I point toward the door. “And I know you know that.”

“Tucker is... nice.” She forces a smile, confirming I was right on the name.

“Tucker is not your type,” I state flatly.

“And? It’s not like we’re dating or anything. We’re just having fun. And just because you’ve become a nun these past few months doesn’t mean the rest of us have to. You want my opinion? I think you’re jealous.”

“Jealous?” I arch a brow at my very good friend, who I’m tempted to throw a shoe at.

“Your two closest friends have amazing sex lives, and here you are, clinging to a man who won’t so much as come see you in person.

No offense, Char, but you are in serious need of getting laid.

Abstinence has turned you into a completely different person.

Where is the girl from the beginning of the year?

The one who lived more freely than any person I had ever met before.

You were the life of the party. Now all you do is stare at your phone all night.

You barely go anywhere. You haven’t hooked up with a guy in months.

In case you forgot, you’re in college. This is the time to be living it up because in a few short years, you won’t be able to anymore. At least not like this.”

I want to argue. Tell her that she’s wrong. But I can’t find it in me to do so. Why? Because she isn’t wrong. I just refuse to acknowledge why that might be.

“Look.” She takes a step toward me, her expression softening. “I’m not trying to give you shit. I know you really like Conner. It’s just... How long are you going to let him string you along?”

“That’s not what he’s doing.”

“Actually, that’s exactly what he’s doing. And you know it too. If he wasn’t, he’d make an effort to see you, to spend time with you. Hell, to do anything at all with you. So why hasn’t he?”

I could give her a few reasons off the top of my head, but I don’t because doing so would give away the truth. A truth I haven’t admitted to anyone, not even my friends back home, who have no idea who River or Lyric are and wouldn’t say a word to anyone.

“I just don’t want to see you put all this effort into someone who isn’t willing to give it back.”

“I know.”

“Know what?” Both of our gazes swing to the door at the sound of Lyric’s voice.

“I was just telling Char that she needs to drop Conner and find herself a man who’s interested in actually seeing her,” Maisie tells Lyric, crossing the room to wrap her in a hug. “I was wondering when we’d finally get to see you.” She releases her after a brief moment.

“Sorry. This one didn’t want to let me out of bed.” She hitches her thumb behind her at the exact moment Kai appears in the doorway.

“She’s lucky she’s standing here at all.” He grins. “I was tempted to lock her away.”

“He acts like he’s not coming to see me in a couple of weeks.” She smiles, the action lighting up her whole face.

I’ve gotta give it to Lyric. As far as men go, she found herself quite possibly one of the hottest to ever grace the surface of this planet, and no, that isn’t an exaggeration.

When she and Kai first started hanging out, I was so sure he was gonna end up hurting her the way he had countless women before her.

I didn’t know a thing about him and yet, even I knew his reputation.

But somehow, against all odds, she caught him in her line, and he doesn’t appear to have any interest in trying to break free.

The most notorious womanizer on campus and little innocent Lyric was the one who ended up taming him. Not only that, but the man worships the ground she walks on.

“I’m glad you’re still here,” Lyric tells me, moving farther into the room to wrap me in a hug. I squeeze her right back, knowing I’m going to miss the hell out of her. “I was worried I would miss you.”

“But you weren’t worried you’d miss me?” Maisie pouts.

“Kai is taking you home,” she tells her flatly. “I knew you’d still be here.” She throws Maisie a smile over her shoulder before turning back to me. “What time are you leaving?”

“Soon. My dad is picking me up in a couple of hours. He wanted to pick me up this morning but...” I gesture to my bunk and all the things I have not yet packed.

“Procrastination seems to be going around today.” Her gaze drifts to Kai for the briefest moment.

“When are you leaving?” I ask her.

“Now. River’s already here.”

“He is?” My chest tightens.

“He didn’t want to come up, so he’s waiting in the car.”

Rejection stings like a motherfucker.

Months we’ve been talking. Months. And he doesn’t even have the common courtesy to come up and say hello?

If I was looking for a sign that I’m fighting an unwinnable battle, I think I just got it. Feels like it just whopped me right in the face pretty freaking hard.

“Speaking of leaving,” Kai interjects, turning toward Maisie, which gives me the perfect view of the intricate tattoo art that climbs up the side of his neck. “You about ready?”

“Almost,” Maisie tells him, shoving the remainder of her things into an already overstuffed bag.

Kai helps Lyric grab the rest of her things, while I take my time, knowing I’ll be the last one to leave anyway.

It’s bittersweet, watching them all pack. On one hand, I’m so sad the year is over. On the other, I think some time away to clear my head is exactly what I need.

“Tell me you’ll both come to visit at least once,” Lyric says as she lingers in the room long after Kai has taken her bags down for her. “We can go to the beach. Go shopping. There’s so much stuff to do there in the summer.”

“Try and keep me away,” Maisie agrees.

“I would love that.” I force a smile.

“I’m gonna text you as soon as I get home and then we’re gonna get it planned. Even if you have to come separately, I want to see both of you at least once.”

“When did she become so bossy?” I ask Maisie with a laugh.

“Since Kai is starting to rub off on her,” she retorts, knocking her elbow against mine.

“Because I love you, I’m going to pretend like you didn’t just say that.” She crosses her arms in front of herself, the action causing her ponytail to swing, the silky brown strands brushing her back. “I’m really going to miss you girls.”

“Me too,” I admit, closing the distance between us at the same time Maisie does.

“Me three,” Maisie agrees, wrapping one arm around me and the other around Lyric, pulling us into a group hug. “We call or text weekly. I don’t want to go the whole summer barely talking.”

“Agreed,” Lyric and I say in unison.

We stand like that for a long moment, three friends hesitant to say goodbye, but eventually, all good things must come to an end, and this is no exception.

I stand in the hallway and watch Lyric and Maisie leave, not going back into the room until they disappear around the corner. As desperately as I wanted to walk down with them, I didn’t want to give River the satisfaction.

In fact, I’m done giving River anything at all.

He’s made his stance pretty clear.

He doesn’t want me. Message received loud and clear.

Him not even being willing to come upstairs and say hello in person is the eye-opener I’ve been waiting for.

I’m done lying to my friends.

I’m done pretending I stand a snail’s chance in hell with the man.

I’m just done.

I’m going to go home, enjoy my summer break, and do everything in my power not to even think of the name River Parker for at least the next three months, though something tells me that’s going to be a much harder feat than I realize.