Page 27 of Cinder & Secrets (Ink & Ashes #2)

“I’ll give you two some privacy,” Maisie says seconds before I hear the door open and then close, silence filling the room.

“Do you hate me?” I ask after a few tense moments, pulling the covers away from my face.

“Of course I don’t.” Lyric squeezes my lower leg as if to reassure me of this fact, or maybe it’s because she feels sorry for me, given how bad I probably look, not that I care much.

“I’m hurt that you didn’t feel like you could tell me, but in a way, I kind of understand why you felt like you couldn’t. ”

“You do?” My throat is so dry it’s borderline painful to get the words out.

“Here.” Lyric extends an unopened bottle of water toward me like she can see I’m having trouble.

I nod in thanks, twisting off the cap before taking a long drink, the cold liquid stinging the roof of my mouth. Replacing the cap, I collapse my head back down onto the pillow, blowing out a long breath as I force my gaze to meet Lyric’s.

Her gaze is soft, not a trace of anger anywhere to be found, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel even worse about everything that’s happened. I deserve her wrath. In some weird way, I need it. Need her to be angry.

“When I first started falling for Kai, I was reluctant to talk about him, especially because of his connection with Maisie. I feared what she’d think of me for loving a man who’d all but proven that loving him was the biggest mistake a person could make.

Only she didn’t care. She worried about me, but she never tried to talk me out of it.

Never made me feel stupid for letting myself fall for him.

Never judged me.” A sad smile touches her lips.

“I can’t imagine how you must have felt, with him being my brother and all.

I hate that he put you in that position.

That he asked you not to tell me. He never should have done that. ”

“I should have told you anyway.” I fight the fresh onslaught of tears building behind my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I refuse to let them fall. I’ve cried more in the last two days than I think I’ve ever cried, and for the life of me, I don’t know why.

I mean, I do know why. But at the same time, it all feels a bit much .

Though it’s not like I really have a say in the matter.

I want to slap myself, scold myself, remind myself that no man is worth this kind of misery.

Only that’s not true.

Because he is... He’s everything . I just realized it all much too late.

“Yes, you should have,” she agrees. “And while knowing that you felt like you couldn’t hurts more than I can say, a part of me really does understand.”

“It was all for nothing anyway. Lying to you. Risking our friendship, which is the most precious thing to me, though I’ve been shit at showing it. I did it all because...”

“Because you love him.” She squeezes my leg a second time.

I nod, knowing if I open my mouth at this very moment, a sob will come out instead of words.

“River is... Well, he’s more complicated than he looks. Annie, his ex—”

“I met her,” I interrupt, not missing the surprise that lines her face.

“You met Annie?”

“I went to see River at the end of summer. He took me out to eat. She came up to our table. I had no idea who she was at the time...”

“But he told you about her?”

I nod, my ear shifting against the pillow.

“You seem surprised...” I point out.

“I am. River never talks about Annie to... Well, anyone. The fact that he opened up to you tells me he cares for you a lot more than he’s ready to admit. Maybe even to himself.”

“She really hurt him.” It’s not a question.

“Very much. Annie was his whole world. River was head over feet in love with her. Even though they were young, he told anyone who would listen that he was going to marry her one day. But then...”

“She blew up his life. Much like Leo did yours.”

“Talk about sibling bad luck.” She lets out a humorless laugh. “You would think this sort of thing was contagious the way it spread through our family. Only Dalton was left unscathed. Then again, there’s still time.”

“Don’t say that. He and Avery seem very happy together.”

“They are. And I don’t think she would ever.

.. Then again, you never really know what someone is capable of until they do it.

” She gives a weak shrug. “Anyway, Annie really did a number on him. He was never the same after that. He would meet a girl, get really excited about her, they’d date for a few weeks or months and then he’d end it abruptly with no real explanation outside of he didn’t think it was working out. ”

“You think he’s scared to get too close to someone?

” It’s something I’ve suspected for a while now, but hearing her say it gives me some comfort.

Knowing it’s not necessarily that he doesn’t want me, but that he’s scared to open up, afraid that history will repeat itself and he’ll get his heart broken all over again.

“Can’t get your heart broken if you never let anyone close enough to touch it.” Her words mirror my own thoughts. “For what it’s worth, I think he really cares for you.”

“His actions would suggest otherwise.” I let out a shaky breath, willing my voice to stay even.

“Give him time. He might come around.”

“I don’t think he will. And even if he does, who’s to say he won’t get freaked out and run again.” I shake my head. “My heart wouldn’t be able to take it.”

“I get that. But take it from someone with experience in this department. When it’s real, not even their fear can keep them away.

Take Kai for example. When I told him I loved him, he ran for the hills.

But it wasn’t long before he let himself admit why he ran.

Because he loved me too.” When she smiles this time, it reaches her eyes.

“I think Kai is the exception here. Besides, he never stood a chance against you.”

“Me?” She crinkles her small nose. “I think maybe you have you and me confused. If there’s a woman in this room that no man can refuse, it’s not me, it’s you.

Don’t let my brother’s fear make you think you’re less than you are.

You are Charlotte freaking O’Malley. The most fearless, incredible girl I know.

If River doesn’t realize what he stands to lose by letting you go, then he doesn’t deserve you.

And I’m his sister, so that’s really saying something. ”

“I was afraid you’d never talk to me again once you learned the truth.” I need to focus on her and me and not River. He made his choice, and it wasn’t me. The sooner I come to terms with this fact, the better. “I was so sick over it. It’s all I could think about most days.”

“I won’t deny that I was angry. Out of all the people I love, you were the last person I ever thought would keep something like this from me.

But after talking to Kai and Maisie, I realized that sometimes you just need to have something of your own.

River is my brother, not my boyfriend. I don’t own him or his actions, no more than I own you or yours.

You are both consenting adults, free to make your own choices.

Do I wish you had told me the truth? Obviously.

Does it hurt a little knowing you didn’t feel like you could?

It does. Is what you did unforgivable? Absolutely not.

I’m hurt by the lie but not by your actions.

You’re free to love whomever you want...

As long as it’s not Kai,” she quickly tacks on with a grin.

“Definitely not.” I chuckle, though the sound feels foreign spilling past my lips. “Have you spoken to him?” I ask, all traces of humor evaporating in an instant. “To River?”

“He’s not answering my calls.” She shakes her head. “But don’t worry, he will, when he’s ready.”

“I hate that I put a rift between you two.”

“You didn’t. River and I have been through worse. We’re siblings. This is far from the biggest fight we’ve ever had. We’ll get past it. But not before I have the chance to tell him what an absolute idiot he is for letting someone like you go.”

“Please don’t...” I suck in a sharp breath.

“You deserve better than what he’s shown you, Char.

You are clever. Not to mention drop-dead freaking gorgeous.

You deserve a man who puts you on a pedestal and isn’t afraid to let the whole world see him worship at your feet.

You are not the kind of girl who should be hidden away.

And shame on him for making you feel like you are. ”

“It wasn’t all his fault. Really, I pursued him.

He told me from the first time we kissed that he couldn’t give me more and yet, it didn’t stop me.

I was so desperate to be close to him that I was willing to take anything he would give me, and I convinced myself it was enough. For a while, I really thought it was.”

“For what it’s worth, I hope he gets his head out of his ass before it’s too late. I would kill to have you become my sister.”

“I think that’s taking it a little far.” I snort.

She gives me a simple shrug and then hops off the bed.

“A girl can dream.” She grins up at me.

“So... Are we good?” I ask, propping up on an elbow as I force myself upright. The entire room spins for five solid seconds before the sensation passes.

“We’re good. Under one—no, two circumstances. One, you never lie to me again.”

“Done.”

“And two... You take a shower. You’re starting to smell. And you look like you’re building a bird’s nest in your hair.”

I reach up and touch the side of my head, feeling the deep knots that have formed from basically lying in the same position for days on end.

“Point taken.” I smile, though it feels anything but genuine.

“You might want to think about getting dressed too. Maisie and I are taking you to a party tonight.”

“Oh, I don’t think—”

“Nope, not listening. You cannot lie around and rot in this room. The only way to feel like yourself again is to start acting like yourself again. And what better way to do that than to go out and have some drinks with your best friends?”

“Drinks? You?”

“For you, I’m willing to suffer through a beer or two.” She grins, the action lighting up her whole face. “Kai is designated. I’ll be here to get you and Maisie at seven. You better be ready.”

I open my mouth to argue but quickly snap it closed, knowing full well it will do me no good. Besides, Lyric should be furious with me. The least I can do is try for her sake.

“Okay,” I finally agree. “And, Lyric...” I call after her just as she tugs open the door. “Thank you.”

She gives me a soft smile.

“I’ll see you at seven.”

“Seven,” I repeat.

She steps out into the hall, pulling the door closed behind her.

Letting my eyelids flutter closed, I take a deep breath and blow it out slowly, hunter-green eyes sliding across my vision, making my chest constrict.

I open my eyes, trying to shake off the thought of him. The smell of him. The feel of him. All the things that have haunted me fordays, keeping me prisoner in my misery.

Lyric’s right... This isn’t me.

Summoning all the strength I have, I throw my legs over the side of the bed and quickly jump down.

Pretending I feel better than I actually do, I gather my shower stuff and head to the bathroom.

Maybe the hot water will wash away River’s touch, which lingers on my skin like invisible tattoos I can’t see but can most definitely feel.

Though I doubt it will be that easy to erase all traces of him, it sure as heck isn’t going to stop me from trying.