Page 26 of Cinder & Secrets (Ink & Ashes #2)

Charlotte

“Lyric...” I chase after my best friend as I watch her exit my building like that damn thing has been lit on fire. “Lyric, please wait.”

She stops so abruptly I damn near run straight into her.

“You lied to me.” She spins on me so quickly the action makes me feel slightly off balance. “You, Char, of all people.”

“I know.” I choke out a sob, feeling ready to burst open at the seams. “I wanted to tell you. I asked him to. Upstairs, before you showed up, I demanded it. I was prepared to end things if he didn’t come clean to you.”

“But that doesn’t answer the most important question, Char. Why didn’t you ? You had so many opportunities. Even if River asked you not to, you’re my best friend. I trusted you.” Her voice breaks, bringing fresh tears boiling to the surface.

“I know. And I’m so sorry, Ly. So fucking sorry. Just tell me what I can do. I’ll do anything.”

“There’s nothing you can do. You broke my trust. And the worst part is, I wouldn’t have cared about you and River. Hell, I would have been happy for you. But you didn’t give me the chance.”

“I didn’t know... I wanted to tell you. But.

.. I wanted him more,” I let myself admit, emotion clogging my throat, making it difficult to pull in a breath.

“The way he makes me feel, Lyric. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.

It’s exhilarating and breathtaking and terrifying all at the same time. ”

“You’re in love with him.”

I open my mouth to disagree, to tell her there’s no truth to her statement, but that would just be another lie, I quickly realize. Because no matter how hard I’ve fought against it, or how many times I’ve denied it, even when I’ve felt it deep in my bones, I can’t ignore the truth any longer.

“I am.” I swipe at the tear that streaks down my cheek.

“I’m in love with him.” Saying it out loud is like taking in a deep breath of air after being underwater for too long.

Like seeing the sun after weeks of being trapped in the dark.

Like feeling the grass under my feet after feeling nothing but harsh rock and stone.

I hear movement behind me, too late I realize, as I glance behind me to find a wide-eyed River, his mouth slightly agape, an unreadable expression on his handsome face.

“Seems I’m not the only one you’ve been lying to.” Lyric draws my attention back to her. “I’ll let you two talk.” Without giving me time to say anything more, she takes off across the lawn.

“Why did you say that to her?” River asks from behind me, and I feel his eyes staring holes into my back.

Turning slowly, I force myself to meet his gaze.

“Because it’s the truth.” I lift my shoulder in a semblance of a shrug. “I’m in love with you.” My chin quivers as I say it, fear and relief swirling together in an unsettling combination, making me feel sick to my stomach.

“Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“Would it have changed anything?” I ask.

The look he gives me says it all. No, it wouldn’t have. Defeat settles deep in my bones, making me feel heavy with exhaustion.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” I murmur under my breath loud enough that he can still hear me.

“I just...” He scrubs his hands down his face.

“It’s okay. I knew what this was. Hell, I asked for it. You don’t owe me anything.”

“Char...”

“Please don’t make this any worse than it already is. Maybe we should take this as a sign.”

“A sign of what?”

“That our time together has run its course.”

“Is that what you want?” He stares at me intently, his hunter-green eyes so devastatingly beautiful I have to bite back that sob that threatens to peel itself free from my throat.

“Does it matter if it isn’t?” I fight the tears that linger against my lashes, begging for them not to fall.

“I don’t want this to be over.”

“Neither do I.” I bite down on my bottom lip to keep the damn thing from quivering.

“Then don’t do this.” He takes a step toward me. “Lyric knows now. You got your wish.”

“I didn’t want her to find out this way any more than you did.” I try to keep the anger his words incite inside of me at bay.

“I know that.” His expression softens. “I just mean... You got what you wanted.”

“Did I?” I hitch a brow at him.

“I don’t follow.” He shakes his head like he’s genuinely confused.

“I wanted you to tell her because if you did, it would mean that you at least felt something for me. It’s clear to me now that you don’t.”

“Don’t assume you know how I feel.”

I flinch at the harshness of his words.

“Then tell me... Tell me how you feel.”

When he doesn’t say anything, a humorless smile tugs at the corner of my mouth.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” I shake my head, moving to step past him.

“Char.” His hand closes around my forearm. I meet his gaze, waiting for him to say something... anything. Instead, he stares at me for a long, tense moment, and then his hold on me vanishes. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.” I blink back tears. “Me too.” With that, I take off back inside my building, able to hold off my sobs until I’m in my dorm room.

I close the door, lock it, and then proceed to collapse onto the floor, feeling like my chest is being cracked open as I burst into tears.

“Char?” I blink, once then twice, the action of opening my eyes painful as Maisie’s face comes into view. “Are you okay?” Her expression is full of concern, and only then do I realize I’m still lying on the floor, curled into the ball I apparently cried myself to sleep in.

Fresh tears bubble to the surface as everything comes flooding back.

Lyric...

River...

The way he just let me walk away, not an ounce of fight in him.

Because he doesn’t love you . My inner voice is a petty little bitch.

“Come here.” Maisie lowers herself to the floor, pulling my head into her lap, her hand sliding through my hair.

“He just... let me walk away,” I choke out, my voice hoarse as it scratches past my too-dry throat.

“What do you mean? What happened?”

“River...” I swipe away the tears that blur my vision. “Lyric, she...”

“I know,” she says soothingly.

“You do?” I roll onto my back so that I’m looking straight up at her.

“Lyric told me that she suspected something was going on and when you two were last to meet them, she came here and found River in your room and you half-naked.”

“Does she know that you knew?” I sniff.

Maisie nods.

“Oh, Mais... I’m so sorry.” This only makes me cry harder.

“It’s okay. You didn’t make me lie. I made that choice for myself.”

“Is she really mad?”

“I wouldn’t say mad. She’s more hurt than anything.”

“Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?”

“I do. You just need to give her some time. We both do.”

“I’m sorry I dragged you into this mess.”

“Stop worrying about me and tell me what happened with you and River. He never showed up at the festival and when Lyric called him, he said he was on his way home.”

“He left?” I croak, the realization further splitting me open. I curl into myself again, trying and failing to keep the pain from seeping in.

“He did,” she confirms softly.

“He overheard me telling Lyric I was in love with him,” I admit, sniffing loudly.

“I take it he didn’t handle it well?”

“He didn’t handle it at all,” I croak. “He just... looked at me like he didn’t know what to say.”

“Maybe you just surprised him.”

“I didn’t surprise him, Mais. I scared him. Apparently, enough for him to run away back to North Carolina.”

“Then he’s an idiot,” Maisie says unapologetically.

I look up at her once more.

“Mais...”

“I’m just saying... You are the most beautiful, fierce, witty, and overall entertaining person I’ve ever met. If he can’t see how incredibly lucky he is to be loved by someone like you, then he’s a damn fool.”

“If only that made it hurt a little less.”

“Unfortunately, nothing will. Except for time.”

“I don’t want to feel like this, Mais. Like I’m being torn open by invisible claws that won’t stop scratching and ripping at my skin. I hurt... everywhere.” I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing tears past my lashes.

“Which is precisely why I’ve decided to write off all relationships for... well, maybe ever.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Oh, but I do. And seeing you like this only reinforces this for me. No man is worth this, Charlotte. Not even River Parker, gorgeous as he may be.”

“I wish you could convince my heart of that fact,” I mutter bitterly.

“Come on. Let’s get you in bed. Maybe you’ll feel better after a long night of sleep.”

I hate to tell her, but not even sleep is going to ease this pain that seems to be eating me alive from the inside out. I’ve never felt my emotions manifest into physical pain before and the feeling is unbearable.

But I do what she says anyway, pushing up on wobbly legs before climbing into my bunk.

When my head hits the pillow, all I smell is River.

His cologne. The natural scent of his skin.

It envelopes me, holding me captive. Turning to face the wall, I bury my face in the pillowcase and then allow grief to swallow me whole once more.

“I don’t know what to do. I’ve never seen her like this before,” I hear Maisie say, her voice breaking through the fog of sleep.

I blink into the brightness of the room, tugging the blanket over my head to block out the light that stings my tear-swollen eyes.

It’s been six days since River left.

Six days since I’ve left this bed.

I haven’t showered.

Have thrown up any food I’ve attempted to eat.

And have only drunk what Maisie has forced down my throat from time to time, grumbling about not letting me die of dehydration.

I need to get up. I know I do.

And yet, I can’t seem to get my body on board with that plan.

“I’ll talk to her.”

My eyes open again at the sound of Lyric’s voice. I had assumed whomever Maisie was talking to was on the phone.

I tense as the ladder to my bed creaks, the mattress dipping moments later as Lyric takes a seat at the edge, her hand settling on my leg as she lets out a slow sigh.