Page 24 of Cinder & Secrets (Ink & Ashes #2)

River

“We should probably think about getting dressed. Your sister is expecting us,” Char says, her fingers drawing slow circles across my bare chest as we lie tangled in her tiny twin-sized bunk.

“Five more minutes.” I groan, nuzzling my face into her sweet-smelling hair.

This is exactly what I told myself I wasn’t going to do this weekend. I had a plan. Visit my sister. Spend the weekend drinking in Charlotte’s beauty from a distance. Taking extra precautions not to draw attention to our current situation.

That shit went out the window the instant I saw her yesterday. The first chance I got, I had her pinned to the wall of my hotel room, fucking her good and proper so that when I saw her later with her parents, I could relish knowing that she was still feeling the aftermath of my presence inside her.

“If we both show up late, she’s going to notice,” she says, making no attempt to get up.

“Nah, she’ll be too preoccupied. Between my parents and lover boy, she probably wouldn’t notice if I skipped out altogether.”

“She’d notice.” Char is quick to disagree, her head coming up to look at me as she props her chin on my chest. “You know, we could just tell her.”

I suck in a deep breath, holding it so long that my lungs begin to burn before slowly blowing it out.

I don’t know why I’m so hell-bent on keeping this from my sister.

It’s not like she’s my parent and she’s going to ground me when she finds out.

And sure, maybe she’d be a little upset that we kept it from her for so long, but if I know my sister, her anger would be short-lived.

So that brings me back to the question at hand.

Why does the thought of telling her make me feel like my insides are knotting in on themselves?

Is it because I’m truly worried what she’ll think?

Or is it that I’m scared what this becomes once we’re no longer hidden by half-truths and lies? And do I want to find out?

A part of me does. The other part of me is stuck where I was at the beginning of summer—on the fact that if we were to actually give this a real shot, it would fail epically.

“Or not.” Char grimaces like she’s just tasted something sour. Something in my expression must give away the internal thoughts currently waging war in my brain.

It’s not that I don’t like Char... I do. Hell, I think I like her a little too much. And therein lies the real issue. Because as adamantly as I deny my sister’s claims that I’m scared, I also can’t deny that deep down, she might actually be right.

I’m torn between wanting to hold on to Char with all my strength and never let her go and running in the opposite direction as fast and far as my feet will take me.

“It’s just...” I start to explain but can’t seem to find the right words.

Charlotte pushes herself upright, her auburn hair spilling over her shoulder in a way that has me desperate to reach up and run my fingers through it. I don’t.

“No, I get it.” She swings her long legs over the side of the bunk, jumping to the floor with ease. “I just thought... After what you were saying at lunch...” She trails off.

“Charlotte.” I sit up, watching her slip into her panties and bra with her back to me.

“What are we doing, River?” She spins around, her bright green eyes pinning me in place.

“I think it’s pretty obvious what we’re doing.” I smirk, trying to break through the sudden tension in the air.

“Don’t be a smug prick. I’m being serious.”

“We’re having fun,” I say, jumping down from the bed before dipping to slip on my boxers.

“Then why tell your sister you’re seeing someone?”

“Well, we’ve agreed to be exclusive for the time being. So technically, I am.”

“But we’re just having fun...”

“The two aren’t mutually exclusive. We can both be seeing each other and having fun.”

“What if I want more?”

I can tell by the way she clamps her teeth that she regrets asking the question the second it leaves her lips.

“Do you?” I take a step closer, not able to stop myself.

She’s like a magnet, pulling me closer. No matter how hard I try to pull away, I can’t seem to break free of her gravitational force.

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” She blows out a frustrated breath, meeting my gaze.

“I thought this was just sex.” I cock my head to the side.

“It was... It is.”

“Well, which is it? Are we just having sex, or do you want it to be more?”

“What do you want?”

I shake my head. “If you want this to be more, you should say so.”

“Would it change anything if I did?” Her bright green eyes bore into mine.

Would it?

I wish I could honestly answer that question.

On one hand, the thought of ending this feels equivalent to walking on hot coals or peeling off my own skin—impossible. On the other, I’m not sure I’m ready to take this further. At least not yet.

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.

“I’m sick of lying.”

“Me too.” It’s the truth. I’ve never been one to spin webs or deceive the people I love, and my body and brain revolt against me every time I do.

“Then why can’t we just tell her? Even if all this will only ever be physical, isn’t it better for it to be out in the open?”

“If she knows, it’ll only make things more complicated.”

“Somehow, I doubt that.” She crosses her arms across her bare abdomen, like she’s hugging herself. “Are you ashamed of being with me?”

“God, no.” I close the distance between us, my hands going to either side of her face as I force her gaze to mine.

“You are funny and kind. An absolute spitfire that would give any man a run for his money. Not to mention, you’re incredibly beautiful.

” I brush my thumb across her lower lip, having to resist the urge to press my mouth there.

“I could never be ashamed of being with you. If anything, I feel honored.”

“Prove it.” She holds my gaze. “Tell your sister the truth.”

“And if I’m not ready?”

She pulls her hands away from her face and takes a full step back. It takes every ounce of willpower I possess not to reach for her when she does.

“I’m not asking. Either you tell her, or I will.”

“Charlotte.” I shake my head, indecision tearing at my chest.

If I refuse, she’ll end things, and the thought of that makes me feel like I’m treading water, and at any second, the sea is going to pull me under the waves.

If I agree, she’ll take that as me agreeing to more, and I’m just not ready to do that yet.

“Do you want me?” she asks after a long moment.

“You know I do.”

“Then why are you so resistant to anyone finding out about us?”

“Because I can’t make any promises to you.”

“I’m not asking you to.”

“Maybe not today, but you will.”

“And that’s so appalling to you, is it?” She sneers, misunderstanding.

“That’s not what I—”

“Please don’t.”

“Where is all this coming from?” I ask instead.

“I don’t know.” She throws her hands up in defeat. “I guess hearing you tell Lyric that we were dating made me want it to be real.”

“It is real.”

“No, it’s not. We’re pretending. We’re hiding in this bubble, shutting out the rest of the world. What we have isn’t real. It’s a fantasy.”

“What’s wrong with that?” I tug on my pants before quickly slipping on my shirt.

“If you don’t know, then we’re further apart than I realized.”

“Just say what you want, Red.”

“You!” She erupts, emotion filling her eyes with unshed tears. “I want you.”

“You have me.” I step toward her, but she instantly steps back.

“No, I don’t. I have what small sliver you’re willing to give me. It’s not enough.”

“What are you saying?”

“If you feel even a fraction for me of what I feel for you, you’ll tell your sister about us.”

“And if I don’t?” I pick up my shoes off the floor, sensing the direction this is going.

“Then I’ll have my answer.” She crosses toward the door and tugs it open.

We both freeze at the sight of Lyric standing in the doorway, her hand raised like she was about to knock.

Her eyes widen in surprise, her gaze darting from Char, standing in her bra and underwear, to me, clenching my shoes to my chest.

“What the—”

“Lyric, I can explain,” I say, calmly stepping toward her.

“I had a feeling...” She shakes her head, turning her attention to Charlotte. “You two must think me really stupid.” Tears prick my sister’s eyes.

“No, Lyric...” Char starts, only to be cut off by Lyric.

“Please do not disrespect me by lying further. I knew something was going on. I could tell by how weird you two were acting. The way you kept looking at each other at lunch. But then I thought, no, it’s just my imagination.

But then you left with her.” She looks directly at me.

“I tried to convince myself that it was nothing, but the longer you were gone, the more I couldn’t deny the truth that’s been staring me in the face for some time now.

” She squares her shoulders. “So, which one of you wants to tell me what the hell is going on here and just how long you’ve actually been lying to me. ”

I open my mouth, fully prepared to say this was a one-time thing, but Charlotte beats me to the punch.

“We started talking after the glow party last year,” she admits, turning to grab her sundress off the back of her desk chair before pulling it over her head, allowing Lyric the space to step fully into the room. “But it didn’t become physical until the week I visited you over summer break.”

“Last year...” My sister thinks on this for a moment. “It wasn’t Conner.” Realization dawns on her face.

Charlotte shakes her head, unable to meet my sister’s eyes.

“You lied to me... For over a year.”

“I’m so sorry...” Charlotte’s chin quivers, her eyes brimming with tears. The sight makes me feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach, all the air leaving my lungs in an instant. “I wanted to tell you. So many times, I almost did.”

“Then why didn’t you? Did you really think I would care? That I would stop you?”

“It’s my fault.” I step forward. “I asked her not to tell you.”

“Why?” Her voice echoes off the walls around us.