Page 23 of Cinder & Secrets (Ink & Ashes #2)

Charlotte

“So, Charlotte. Lyric tells me you’ve declared English as your major.” Heather Parker, Lyric and River’s mom, stares at me from across the table, a soft smile on her lips, her resemblance to her daughter uncanny.

Since my parents only came for Friday’s festivities and left the same night, I somehow got pressured into joining Lyric’s family for lunch.

Not that I so much mind, given the pair of green eyes I can feel watching me from his place at the end of the table.

Even though we’ve barely spoken today, I still relish every second I get to spend in the same room with this man.

Family weekend started off with a bang. And by bang, I mean River had me up against a wall, screwing my brains out just twenty minutes before my parents arrived on campus.

I don’t think I’ve ever run so fast in my life as I did trying to get back across campus before my parents came looking for me in my room.

I beat them by mere minutes and was still trying to catch my breath when they knocked on my door.

“Yes, that’s right.” I reach for my glass of water; my throat suddenly so dry it feels like sandpaper.

“I minored in English,” she tells me proudly. “I’ve always loved reading and writing.”

“Me too,” I admit. “I want to work in publishing, preferably editing.”

“Well, if I ever sit down and write that novel I’ve been saying I’m going to write for the past twenty years, I’ll know who to go to.” She winks, turning her attention to her daughter at my side. “How are classes going so far?” she asks Lyric, thankfully freeing me of the spotlight.

Not that I’m a shy person who minds the attention. I don’t. But with a certain someone’s gaze burning holes in me, it feels damn near impossible to focus.

I glance his way, our gazes locking. My skin prickles, the hairs on the back of my neck standing to attention the way they always do when River looks at me a certain way.

I know I said I didn’t mind being forced to join them today, but I think I’ve changed my mind because sitting here, with River just a few short feet away, and not being able to touch him or really even speak to him without raising a few eyebrows is tortuous.

The corner of his mouth quirks up like he can see into my mind and knows exactly what I’m thinking. The thought should be unsettling, but it isn’t.

“Isn’t that right, River?” At the mention of his name, he quickly looks away.

“What was that?” he asks, clearly not paying attention to the conversation, which makes two of us.

“I said that at NCU, they don’t have as many things planned for family weekends.” If his mom noticed the stare-off we were having, she doesn’t let on. “When you attended there, we only ever went to one.”

“That’s because he lived just a few minutes away and we saw him all the time,” Lyric interjects.

“Well, that too,” her mom agrees. “But also because it wasn’t nearly as big of a deal there as it seems to be here. When we went to school there, there was no such thing as family weekend.”

“Are you trying to remind everyone how old we are?” Her husband, Mike, nudges her with his shoulder.

Michael Parker is a man of few words. Something River did not inherit from him, but Lyric did. She has his softness. His humbleness. His kind eyes.

“No one forgot, Pop.” River snorts out a laugh when his father shoots him a look.

“Laugh now, but one day, you’ll be my age.” His eyes crinkle at the corners as he smiles.

I can’t help the way my own mouth tips in amusement. I love my family, don’t get me wrong, but they are not nearly as entertaining as this lot, especially when Dalton and the girls are around too. I envy what they all have.

I’ve always wanted a sibling. Someone I could share the kind of bond that Lyric has with her brothers.

Someone who would always have my back. That I could fight with, laugh with, grow up with.

But alas, my mother was not able to have any more kids after me.

Honestly, she’s lucky she even had me. The doctors didn’t think she would ever have children.

As such, she’s always called me her miracle baby.

And while my parents love me fully and unconditionally, I’ve always felt like something was missing.

A loneliness I could never quite outrun.

Pushing my half-eaten plate of food to the side, I relax back into my seat with a glass of water pressed between my hands, fuller than I should be given the amount of food still on my plate. Then again, given the size of the sandwich they gave me, it’s no wonder I couldn’t finish it.

I turn my attention back to the conversation, stifling a laugh when Lyric kicks River under the table for bringing up her living arrangements, which neither of her parents is very happy about.

I’m honestly surprised Kai didn’t join us for lunch, but I guess he chose to meet up with Jackson and Maisie instead, giving Lyric some time alone with her family.

Well, and me, as it were. Though none of them make me feel like an unwanted tagalong, which I appreciate, given that I feel bad enough for crashing as it is.

Not that Lyric gave me much of a choice.

“Jealousy does not look good on you, brother.” Lyric gives him a look that says if you don’t shut up right now, I’m going to kick you again, and this time, it’s really gonna hurt.

“Yes, I’m so jealous. Didn’t you know I wanted Kai for myself?” He presses a hand dramatically to his chest.

“Ha. Ha,” she deadpans. “You know what I meant. Ever since Annie—”

In an instant, it’s like all the air is sucked from the room, the tension so thick, it’d take a chainsaw to cut through it.

“Don’t,” River cuts her off with a quick shake of his head, the two exchanging a look.

“I’m just saying, not every woman in the world is a lying cheater.”

“Did you ever think that maybe I’m single because I like it that way?” He’s careful not to look at me and I’m glad he doesn’t because I have no idea what he’d see on my face if he did.

“I don’t think you like being single. I think you’re afraid...”

Afraid of what? I want to ask when she trails off.

“Afraid?” He barks out a humorless laugh. “I’ve dated plenty of women since Annie.”

“And you always break things off every time things get too real for you.”

“Or maybe I break things off because I realize they aren’t right for me.”

“Perhaps this isn’t the best time and place for this conversation,” Heather cuts in, looking between her two children.

“Or maybe that’s just what you tell yourself to keep anyone from getting too close,” Lyric continues like her mother hasn’t even spoken.

“Because you’re my sister, and I love you, I’m going to ask you nicely to let this go.”

The two stare at each other for a long moment. In the year I’ve known Lyric, I’ve never seen her so much as get an attitude with her brother, let alone argue with him in front of other people. Not that they’re really arguing...

“I’m not saying this to make you mad.” Lyric blows out a puff of air. “I just... Is it so bad that I want you to be as happy as I am?”

“I love that you’re happy. But happiness doesn’t look the same for everyone.” River’s gaze darts to mine for the briefest of moments, so brief, in fact, that I wonder if I imagined it. “And if you must know, I’ve been seeing someone for a few weeks now.”

My stomach goes hollow.

“You have?” Lyric draws back, surprised by this information. “Why haven’t you said anything?”

“Because it’s new and we’re just keeping things casual. Enjoying each other’s company.”

“What’s her name?”

River shakes his head from side to side.

“Seriously.” Lyric huffs, looking at her mom. “Did you know about this?”

Heather shrugs. If she does know, she’s damn good at hiding it. Though even if she does know, there’s no way she knows it’s me.

“I’ll tell you when and if there’s more to tell,” he says simply. “But for now, it’s between me and her.” This time when his eyes find mine, they hold my gaze long enough for me to know that I’m not imagining things.

“Is there anything else I can get for you?” I startle when the waitress speaks next to me, having not even realized she had approached.

“I think we’ll just take the check,” Mike tells her with a soft smile. “So, your mother tells me there’s some sort of carnival today.” He looks at Lyric, effectively ending a weird, and frankly uncomfortable conversation between the two siblings.

I look at River, giving him a what the fuck look.

Like honestly, why would he say that? Especially with me sitting here, right under his sister’s nose.

And while the thought makes me half sick, I also can’t deny the way my heart spiked at his words.

Or the way it still stirs restlessly in my chest beneath his gaze.

“What the hell was that?” I hiss to River a few minutes later as we leave the restaurant, the two of us lagging behind the others, who have already stepped outside.

“What was what?” He fights a smile, which makes me want to smack his smug ass across the chest.

“Don’t play stupid. Why did you say that you were seeing someone?”

“Because I am,” he says, like it should be so obvious. “She’s currently standing in front of me, looking at me like I’ve grown another head.”

“Maybe because you have.” I huff, turning on my heel.

“Are you mad at me?” He chuckles, following me out of the restaurant.

“Of course not,” I say before quickly catching up to Lyric, who’s standing on the sidewalk with her parents, waiting for us.

“You good?” she asks, seeing something in my expression that gives her pause.

“Oh, yeah. Just tired. I slept so bad last night.” I blow it off like it’s nothing.

“Well, we’re going to head to the carnival here shortly. Kai and Maisie are meeting us there with Jackson and her parents. Are you coming?”

“I need to run back to the dorm beforehand, but I’ll meet you there?”

“Okay. Just text me if you can’t find us when you get there.”

“I will.” I give her a quick one-armed hug. “Thank you for lunch,” I tell Mike, turning my attention to Heather when she speaks.

“It was lovely seeing you again, dear.” She smiles at me affectionately.

“You too.” I grin, turning back to Lyric. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Okay.” She nods.

“Bye, River.” I spin on my heel, getting all of two steps away before he calls after me.

“Actually, do you mind if I walk with you? The hotel is in the same direction and I’m going to need to change if we’re going to be outside all day.” He gestures to his jeans. “It’s way too warm for pants.”

“Um.” I glance back at Lyric and then at River. “I guess.” I shrug indifferently.

“I’ll catch up with you guys in a bit,” he tells his family before jogging up next to me.

“What the hell are you doing?” I wait until we’re out of earshot to ask.

“Walking you to your dorm.”

“You don’t think it’s a little suspicious?”

“No. Why would it be?”

I turn my face to look up at him.

“Seriously?” I can’t tell if he’s messing with me or not.

“It’s clear my sister is oblivious. Today proved that. Besides, I’m a nice guy and walking a pretty girl back to her dorm room when I’m headed in that direction anyway is what nice guys do.”

“Do nice guys also come inside pretty girls’ dorm rooms?” I fight the smile that twitches at the corner of my mouth.

“If said pretty girl invites him inside.” His eyes darken as he looks down at me.

“Something I’ll have to keep in mind.” My mouth widens into a full-blown smile.

“Be sure you do that, Red.” River smiles back, revealing a mouthful of perfect white teeth.

Gahhh. Why does he have to be so damn good-looking?

This would all be so much easier if he weren’t. Maybe then I could resist him. Maybe then I wouldn’t be lying to my best friend. Maybe then I wouldn’t wake up to a ten-ton boulder sitting on my chest every morning. Maybe then I could breathe ...

We make the rest of the ten-minute walk back to campus in silence. A billion things climb up my throat, but not a single word slips past my tongue. I’m honestly not sure what to say.

I want to ask him about what Lyric said, about him ending relationships before they get too real.

I want to know if there’s truth to that.

I want to know that if I get too close, if I’ll be one of them.

Then again, don’t I already know the answer to that?

Didn’t he already do that to me? Months of talking and then when things started to feel real, he ghosted me.

And then, only after I told him all I wanted from him was sex, did he let me back in.

An uneasy feeling knots its way into my chest, squeezing so hard I swear I see stars.

I was so sure that’s all I wanted at the time. An itch I needed to scratch. A thirst I needed to quench. Only now, I’m not so sure that’s still true. Hell, I’m not sure it was ever true to begin with. I think I just wanted him so badly, I didn’t care.

I shake off the thought, refusing to entertain the idea.

It isn’t until we reach my building that I finally speak, slowing to a stop as we approach the entryway.

“Well, this is me.”

“It is.” He rocks back on his heels, hands shoved into his pockets.

Do not invite him up.

Do not do it, Char.

Bad idea.

What if Maisie comes home...

Unfortunately, my mouth doesn’t seem to agree with my brain. How could it with those damn hunter-green eyes boring into me like they want to devour me from the inside out.

“Do you want to come inside?”

Another flash of his pearly whites.

“What do you think?”