Page 18 of Cinder & Secrets (Ink & Ashes #2)

“I’ve never loved anyone enough to even date them, let alone marry them.”

“Give it time. You’re still very young.”

The way he says it makes my chest constrict in the most uncomfortable way.

“So are you,” I needlessly point out. “And you were younger than I am right now when you were ready to marry someone.”

“I didn’t say I was ready to marry her. I said I wanted to... someday.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever love someone that much,” I murmur, more to myself than anything.

“You will.” He yawns, clearly fighting sleep.

“Maybe.” I resume playing with his hair.

Maybe one day I could love you , I think but don’t say.

And it’s true.

I can feel it, the undeniable pull, like gravity pushing me in the direction it knows I need to go.

I’ve known for a very long time that I could fall in love with this beautiful man in my arms. The difference is, I won’t let myself.

I know how this ends.

And it isn’t happily ever after.

But that doesn’t mean I am anywhere even close to being ready for this to be over. I’m not. So I’m going to enjoy the ride for as long as it lasts, and when it comes to a stop, and eventually it will, I’ll walk away.

I snuggle deeper into his embrace, letting my eyes flutter closed.

But not a moment before then.

“Is it just me, or does it feel weird as hell being back here already?” Maisie asks as she unpacks her last bag, throwing the contents out onto her bed in the most disorganized way possible.

“Very weird,” I agree, looking around the room, which looks very similar to our room last year with one clear difference. There are only two beds. “And it’s even more weird that Lyric isn’t here.”

“Agreed.” Maisie turns toward me as if the mention of Lyric reminds her of something. “How was your weekend, by the way?”

“It was... good.” I try and fail to keep my smile at bay.

It’s been less than six hours since River dropped me off and already I miss him so much it’s borderline painful, though I refuse to entertain why that might be.

“So you’re still fucking her brother behind her back.” There’s not an ounce of judgment in her voice, just stating a fact.

“Don’t say it like that.”

“Why not? It’s true.”

“I know, but when you say it like that, it makes me feel...”

“Guilty?” she guesses.

“Among other things, yes.”

“Then maybe you should tell her the truth. You realize she’s not going to give a shit, right?”

“Tell that to her brother. If it were up to me, she would have known from the very first text message he sent me.”

“It’s weird, though, right? That he didn’t even want his sister to know that you two were just talking. Like what’s the big deal?”

“I think it has more to do with Leo and Summer than anything. She lost most of her friends when all that went down, and then she found us, and he said he didn’t want to get in the way of that.

I don’t know.” I blow out a hard breath.

“It all seems kind of trivial now, given how happy she is. I understood in the beginning. Now...” I shrug.

“So give him an ultimatum. Tell him he either tells Lyric or you’re done sucking his...”

I snort out a laugh at the way she rolls her tongue against her cheek and pumps her fist to symbolize... well, you get the idea.

“Maisie!”

“What? I bet he’d agree to tell his sister so you can stop sneaking around.”

“I don’t think so. I think he has other reasons for not wanting her to know.”

“Which are?”

“It’s a way for him to keep me from getting too close.”

“And here I thought that was your MO,” she fires back.

I consider her words.

Maybe it is.

Maybe that’s exactly why I’ve been so willing to go along with this. Because deep down I know that if I let myself, I could fall for River, and fall hard. But as long as there’s this barrier between us, this thread of lies, it prevents us from fully giving ourselves to the other person.

If I’m being honest, it’s not like I’ve pushed the matter of telling Lyric, either. I just never considered why that might be.

“Or maybe it still is.” Maisie looks at me for a long moment, my thoughts clearly displayed on my face, unintentionally, of course. “Is that why you haven’t told her?”

“No, of course not.” I shake my head. “At least, I don’t think so.” I groan, dropping my face into my hands before scrubbing the palms against my eyes. “Can we please talk about something else?” I lift my head. “This is giving me a headache.”

“Well, too bad. Because until you come clean and tell our best friend this thing you’ve been keeping from her for months , I’m going to continue to talk about it.”

“You’re a real pain in my ass, you know that.” I snort out a laugh.

“Back at ya, babe.” She clucks her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “Now hurry the hell up.” She gestures to my still unpacked bags. “We have a party to go to tonight and I will not be hearing any excuses about you not being able to go because you still need to unpack.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” I’m quick to argue. “I’m not Lyric. When have I ever made an excuse not to go to a party?” She gives me a knowing look. “Okay, so I skipped a couple toward the end of the year.”

“A couple? You hardly went to a single one last semester. You were too busy talking to Conner .” She uses her fingers to put air quotes around the name as she says it. “To come out with your friends.”

“Or maybe I just got sick of being the third wheel with Lyric and Kai every time you ditched me.”

“If I remember right, you used to be the one who always ditched us. Back when you were fun.”

“I’m still fun!” I cross my arms in front of my chest.

“Oh yeah?” Her hands go to her hips and she gives me a doubtful look. “Prove it.”

“Oh, you’re on.” I uncross my arms, wagging a finger in her direction. “Challenge accepted.”

“This is going to be fun.” She smiles wide.

Yes , I think but don’t say.

Yes, it is.

We spend the rest of the afternoon unpacking and getting our room in order.

It’s just after six when Lyric shows up with Kai in tow— no surprise .

By which time I have done my hair, opting to style the thick auburn strands into soft curls, leaving them to hang freely down my back.

Finished my makeup, which I kept light with the exception of the smoky eye look that makes my green eyes stand out in a way that no other eye makeup seems to.

And managed to slide my way into the tiniest freaking dress known to man, the strapless material held up by the sheer tightness of the dress that hits me mid-thigh.

I may or may not have also sent a picture of myself to River that I took in the bathroom after I was finished getting ready.

I thought he’d appreciate the sight of me in something so scandalous, though I second-guessed myself almost immediately after and have continued to do so the longer his response takes to come through.

I keep telling myself it’s because he hasn’t seen it, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit worried that maybe the picture wasn’t the best idea.

Though I refuse to let myself dwell on it for too long because I promised myself that tonight I was going to have fun, and obsessing over what River does or does not think of said picture is not my idea of fun.

“Char!” Lyric’s eyes widen when she catches sight of me, her gaze tracking me from the top of my head to the heels on my feet before making their way back to my face. “You look... amazing .”

“Thank you.” I smile, gesturing to her outfit, a deep blue dress that flares at her hips, hitting right at her knees. “You look pretty damn good yourself,” I tell her, shaking my head when I see the white, high-top Converse on her feet. “Well, most of you does,” I tease.

Honestly, if I saw Lyric wear anything other than her Converse, which I’m pretty sure she has a couple dozen pairs of, I would think something was wrong. Doesn’t stop me from commenting on it every single time, though.

“You love them.” She crinkles her nose at me, her attention swiveling to Maisie as she pushes her way through the door, her shower bag hanging over her forearm.

“Jesus, Mais.” Kai groans, slapping a hand over his face. “What are you wearing? A napkin?”

It isn’t until she steps farther into the room that I understand his reaction.

A napkin might have been generous given how small the scrap of material is that she’s wearing.

The dress is candy apple red, barely long enough to cover the bottom of her ass, and dips so low in the back, you can quite literally almost see the top of her butt crack.

The rest isn’t much better—the fabric cut to cover only the front half of her body, leaving her sides and back completely exposed.

She has her dark hair tied up in a slick pony that moves from side to side as she walks.

If sex itself took on a human form, Maisie is what it would look like.

And here I thought my dress was a bit risqué, but Maisie makes me look like I’m wearing an ankle-length nightgown. Never mind that it makes Lyric’s dress look equivalent to a nun’s habit.

“If you don’t want to see, don’t look.” She throws Kai a glare over her shoulder as she carefully leans down and retrieves her heels, a matching candy red, from the floor next to her bunk.

“I work my ass off in the gym and on the field. I have every right to show it off.” She slips on one heel and then the other, the damn things so high she nearly reaches my height, which is at least a good three inches taller than her with no shoes. And I’m also wearing heels.

“Hard to do when you’re wearing the smallest scrap of a dress known to man. Your brother would shit himself if he saw you in that.”

“Well, good thing he’s not here then.”

“Seriously. Don’t you have a jacket or something you can put over that?” He’s looking at the ceiling when he asks.

“A jacket?” She snorts out a laugh.

“Leave her alone.” Lyric gently elbows his side. “She looks incredible.”

“She looks like she’s trying to draw attention that could get her into some serious trouble.” He grits his teeth, his back molars grinding so hard I swear I can hear it.

“That’s where you come in.” Maisie gives him a cheeky grin.

“I have no desire to be a bodyguard. I’m only going because Lyric is and for no other reason.”

Even as he says it, I know without question that if someone were to mess with any of us, most especially a girl who’s practically his sister, he wouldn’t just stand idly by and watch it happen.

“Well, lucky for me, I can take care of myself.” She all but flips him off with her expression before her head whips toward me.

“What do you say, Char?” She extends me her arm, which I’m quick to slip mine through.

“Ready to go turn some heads?” She smiles wide, showing off nearly every single one of her stark white teeth.

“Always.” I smile back at her, faking an ease that I certainly do not feel. Mainly because I’m still painfully aware that my phone still has no new messages on it.

Maisie tugs me toward the door, not turning back until we’ve stepped into the hall.

“Are you two coming or what?” she calls after Lyric and Kai.

“We’re coming.” Lyric shakes her head, grinning up at Kai as they join us in the hall.

We exit the building together, following the sidewalk to the parking lot where Kai’s car is located.

He quickly slides into the driver’s seat while Lyric moves to the passenger side, joining him in the front of the car.

Maisie and I climb into the back, both careful to keep our dresses in place so as not to unintentionally flash anyone.

Maisie’s dress may be way more revealing than mine, but that doesn’t change the fact that one tug in the wrong direction and one or both of my girls will most certainly make an appearance.

The drive over is relatively quick, the party just on the other side of the campus. We’ve been to several parties at this particular fraternity already, but it doesn’t lessen the tension in my shoulders as we pull up outside.

Kai lets the three of us out on the sidewalk before driving away to find a spot to park. There’s a ton of people here already, several spilling out onto the front lawn. The first party of the year is always one of the biggest, and this one is no exception.

It feels like yesterday that I came here for the first time, a resistant Lyric in tow. She was so timid back then. And while I think a part of her will always be a little timid—it’s just who she is—Kai has definitely brought her out of her shell.

“Wasn’t it this party last year...” Maisie starts.

“That I met Kai.” Lyric nods, a smile touching her pretty face.

“A lot has changed since then.” It’s my turn to speak.

“That it has.” Lyric is quick to agree.

“Okay, enough reminiscing,” Maisie speaks after several long beats of silence stretch between us, each seemingly lost in our own thoughts. “I’m ready to get drunk and dance my ass off. Who’s with me?” She throws me a look, a question lifting her perfectly manicured eyebrows.

“Lead the way,” I say, more determined than ever to prove to her that I can have just as good of a time now as I did this time last year, before things got... well, complicated.