Page 28 of Breaking Through the Doubt (Espen Jetties #4)

28

COREY

The ringing of my phone from the other room caught my attention. I shut off the burner on the stove and went in search of it. I’d finish making lunch in a minute. I wasn’t that hungry in the first place. Hadn’t been in a week since the fight with my dad.

When I picked it up off the table, I froze at the sight of my dad’s name on the screen. My hand shook while holding the phone. It had been the first time I hadn’t talked to my dad for longer than a twenty-four-hour period. The anger and frustration stayed with me the first few days, then as it drained from me, I realized I didn’t know what else to say. Dad and I truly were at an impasse when it came to my mother.

I would always hate her, no matter how much he tried to defend her. But he’d been there for me through every challenge I’d faced. I couldn’t push him aside when he was trying to reach out first.

I lifted the phone to my ear. “Hello?”

“I’m really glad you answered.”

I sighed and sat on the couch. “I’ll always answer when you call.”

“Would you be willing to meet for lunch so we can talk?”

My stomach rolled at the slightest thought of food. Even if I wasn’t hungry, I’d endure the smell of food to see him. “Yeah. I think that would be good. I can meet you at Sunrise Café in thirty minutes.”

“I’ll be there.”

Dad ended the call. I stared at the phone for a minute before standing up to get ready. For the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to say to my dad.

* * *

I opened the door of Sunrise Café and glanced around the small space. Dad sat in the far corner, fiddling with the menu. From the side, I could see the dark circles beneath his eyes.

Squaring my shoulders back, I tried to keep my stomach from rolling. Being this disoriented around my dad was not a feeling I was accustomed to, nor one I wanted to feel again. His head snapped up the moment I reached the table. His eyes were wide with surprise, almost like he hadn’t expected me to show.

He leapt up and immediately wrapped his arms around me. I couldn’t help but melt into his embrace. My nerves settled and I knew, no matter what he wanted to say, our relationship would be okay. He held on to me a little longer than normal before finally letting go.

I looked into eyes so similar to my own. “Thank you for coming,” he said

“I will always come. You are one of the most important people in my life.”

The fine lines that the years had put on his face crinkled as his lips pulled up into a slight smile. “I’m sorry for the way I acted the other day.” He stopped and pointed to the chair. “Let’s sit down and order, then we’ll talk.”

“Okay.” I took the seat across from him. We perused through the menu while waiting for the waitress to take our order.

Once she walked away after dropping off our drinks, silence filled the table.

“Dad—” I started, and he lifted his hand to stop me.

“You don’t have to say anything. I called because I owe you an apology.” He dropped his gaze to the table and shook his head. When he lifted it again, his eyes were shiny with tears. “I thought I did my best to protect you from the fallout of your mother’s addiction.”

“You did. You—”

He interrupted me once again. “No, I didn’t. Not when I let the love I had for the woman she used to be interfere with what was best for you. I never wanted to let myself believe she only came back for money.” He drummed his fingers lightly on the table. “I guess I always hoped the woman I fell in love with would show up and we could be together once again. That she truly loved me.”

I felt the stinging in my own eyes. Dad wasn’t used to admitting weakness to anyone. It was like an electric jolt to my system to hear. “Dad… I’m sure she loved you.” I didn’t know whether she did or didn’t but considering she was wasting her life on drugs; a little white lie wouldn’t hurt anyone.

“Maybe she did. Maybe she didn’t. You were and are right, she loved drugs more than she ever loved either of us. But that doesn’t stop me from loving her.”

And this was the crux of the issue. Our differing thoughts about the woman who gave birth to me.

I blew out a breath. “I don’t expect it to stop you from loving her. It’s understanding that I don’t have the same feelings for her. You knew her before the drugs had taken control. The only woman I knew was the one who left us time and time again for her next high.”

He reached across the table and patted my hand. “I understand that now. It’s why I called you. It’s not fair for me to expect you to have the same feeling for your mother. You’re right, we know a very different woman. Hell, I might be na?ve to think someday she’ll come back. It doesn’t stop me from hoping.”

He stopped talking, his gaze glued to the table. “Dad?” I waited until he lifted his eyes. “I love you with all my heart. You have been the person who has supported me my entire life. The one I can count on. I would never take away how you feel about my mother, even if I don’t feel the same.”

“I’ve messed up until now, but I promise to never push you to see her the same as I do again.”

“We all screw up. I still think you’re a pretty perfect dad.”

Dad brushed a tear from his cheek, a sad smile turning the corner of his lips. I didn’t want to see him upset any longer, yearning for our relationship to return to what it was. Knowing he finally understood why I felt the way I did went a long way to soothing any fears I’d arrived at the café with.

“Now, where is our food?” I said, glancing behind me.

Dad chuckled. “Why don’t you tell me more about how things are going with Leslie while we wait.”

“I’d love to.”

We spent the rest of lunch talking about Leslie and how I missed him while he was away. Dad said out loud what I’d been thinking for a while. “You’re falling in love with him.” It was a statement, not a question.

“I think I am.”

His words stayed with me the entire time back to my apartment and in the hours I waited for Leslie to arrive. He’d promised to come directly to my place once they got home.

There was a knock on my door, and I raced to yank it open. There Leslie stood looking as gorgeous as ever. I reached into the hall and grabbed his shirt, tugging him forward. “Come here.” The moment his lips met mine, I ceased to think about anything else.

* * *

Warm heat surrounded me. I never thought I would see the day when I preferred to wake up in the arms of another person. It wasn’t that I didn’t see myself settling down. I just didn’t imagine myself as a cuddler.

His hard chest muscles were strong against my back. I nestled farther into his embrace, enjoying my time with Leslie before I had to once again let him go. Soft lips left kisses along the back of my neck.

“Mmm. This is my favorite part about waking up with you in my bed.”

He kept placing kisses along the back of my neck, his arm tightening around my waist. I let myself get lost in the feeling until I heard a knock on my front door. I did my best to ignore it and simply enjoy the moment.

The knocking became more insistent. Groaning, I reluctantly pulled away from Leslie. “Let me get rid of whoever this is,” I said as I threw my legs over the side of the bed. I leaned back and gave him a quick kiss. “We’ll pick up where we left off when I return.”

I pushed up from the bed.

“Corey?” I glanced over my shoulder.

“What’s up?”

He shook his head. “Nothing. Just hurry back.”

His tone seemed slightly off, but when the knocking got louder, I decided I needed to deal with whoever was on the other side of the door before I could figure out what was wrong with Leslie.

Grabbing a pair of sweats, I tugged them on and left the bedroom. The knocking continued.

“Fuck, I’m coming,” I called.

I reached the door and yanked it open. My entire body went rigid when I saw two police officers standing on the other side. “Officers, can I help you?” There was a light tremble to my voice.

“We’re sorry to bother this early, sir. Are you Corey Mancini?”

“That’s me. Did something happen? Is my dad okay?” We’d left lunch, but I hadn’t heard from him for the rest of the day.

“Can we come in?” I opened the door wider and gestured inside. I needed them to start talking. “I can’t answer about your dad, but we’re here about your mother,” the taller of the two officers said.

A boulder settled in the pit of my stomach. This was the type of visit I always imagined, ever since becoming an adult. As the years passed, the fear subsided, even if it sat quiet, buried in a small part of my mind.

“As her next of kin—” the officer started, but I cut him off.

I sighed. “Where did you find her?”

“I’m sorry that this doesn’t surprise you. We found her in one of the back alleys near fifteenth.”

I closed my eyes. Breaking this to my father was going to tear me apart. “Overdose or something else?”

“At this time, we believe it was an overdose, but the coroner’s office will need to verify that. They will also need you to come down and officially identify her.”

My world spun. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t expected this day to come, nor did I feel the true pain of a loss. My mother was someone I’d grieved for a long time ago. “Does it have to be today?”

I didn’t want to seem heartless, but nothing would change the fact my mother was dead. There was, however, a man in my bed who seemed to need me.

“It doesn’t have to be right now. Sometime in the next forty-eight hours is all we need.”

“I can do that after I let my dad know.”

The smaller of the two officers handed me a business card. “This is the address, name, and number of the city coroner.”

I took the card from his hand. “Thank you.”

“Is there anyone you’d like us to call for you?”

While it would have been easier to let someone else tell him, my dad needed to hear the news directly from me. “No, but thank you for offering.”

“Of course. Once again, I’m sorry to have to deliver this news to you,” the taller officer said before turning to walk out the door.

“Thank you.”

Once both officers had walked out of the apartment, I pushed the door closed and stood staring at it. My brain running through a million scenarios. What was I supposed to do now?

“It’s my fault.”

I turned around and found Leslie standing at the end of the hall, tears streaming down his face.