Page 1 of Breaking Through the Doubt (Espen Jetties #4)

1

LESLIE

Another season with the Jetties, another way to prove I wasn’t the same Leslie I was when we won the Cup. Yeah, I still had a lot of shit on my mind, more than I wanted to.

Over the summer, I trained hard and learned to channel what I was feeling into the game. For me, that worked. It might not for everyone. And there were some days the team just fucking sucked. But others, like tonight, I was in the zone.

The puck slid back and forth between us and Tennessee. I kept my eyes on it, always sure to know where it was. They took a shot. I didn’t know if I was going to be able to block it in time. I dove to the left with my arm out and blocked it before it went into the net. It was one of a handful of saves I’d made during the game. I’d only missed one puck and I was still pissed they’d scored. Lucky for us, Devon was on fire tonight and had scored twice.

I loved hockey. It was like the ice, the roar of the crowd, and the energy of the team were flowing through my veins. Everything we did out here, we did as one.

This was a new start for me. No more bullshit of last year. No fighting, no anger all the time. I was a changed man. That didn’t mean I didn’t get angry from time to time. I hated the way our team was yelled at by some of the fans of the opposing teams. The slurs they threw our way because so many of us weren’t straight. We showed them repeatedly our sexuality didn’t have a damn thing to do with how we played.

I turned my head, needing to focus and stop this inner rambling. Our team—my friends—were the best of the best and knew how to play. We didn’t just go out there to get a paycheck. Hockey was our lives. Or it was for some of us. It was currently all I had and that was okay. I was thirty-two. Not young for the sport. I could have retired but I hadn’t been ready. Who was I going to go home to? I had no boyfriend, no husband. It was just me in that big house with no one to talk to. I didn’t even have a pet because I traveled so much. There was a plant once. It died a quick death.

The game went on as I pushed thoughts of loneliness away. At least I was playing well, even if my brain wouldn’t shut up. I ignored the chirps from the other team, blocked them out, and the way they tried to get to us.

It wasn’t much later when the game ended and we fucking won. I celebrated on the ice with my team. There was no better way to start the regular season than with a win.

Of course, the media was there, ready to interview us. We were hot since we were the reigning champions. There was a lot expected of us. Could we go all the way again or would we have a mediocre season? There was no way to know for sure, but with how we played tonight, I could easily say all of our hearts were in the game.

Steam surrounded me as I exited the shower with a towel wrapped around my waist. A hand slapped my back. I turned to find King wearing a grin. Kingston Walker was our left winger on the first line and one of the most energetic guys on the team.

“Great game tonight. What are you doing to celebrate?” he asked.

“I’m not sure yet.” I knew what I shouldn’t do.

I had to stay out of the bars. Nothing good came from them. I wasn’t drinking anymore. I wasn’t fighting people for no reason. Well, at the time I thought I had a reason. Needless to say, I was keeping my face out of the media unless they were going to talk about my stellar skills during the game.

“Come to dinner with us,” Devon said as he started buttoning his shirt while we stepped past him. As our captain, Devon D’Agostino knew how to rally the team. He was all business on the ice and one of the best centers in the league. With his dark-blond hair and blue eyes, he was easy to look at too. “My parents are meeting us at the steakhouse.”

“You know what, I will join you.” It beat going home and crawling into bed for a night of porn and jerking off. God, that sounded so much worse when I thought it in a sentence. Doing it, I was too in the moment. Thinking it, was pathetic as hell.

Devon smiled. “I’m glad.”

Hayes Garner, our right winger, smacked King’s ass as he walked by. They were in a relationship and had a third, Jamie Deary. Everyone, and I mean everyone, was in love around me. All it did was make my heart ache and long for something I hadn’t found. I thought I did once, but it was forever ago, and didn’t work out.

When we were dressed, we filed into the night air and the parking lot where our vehicles were. It didn’t matter I was six foot five. I folded my ass into my Corvette Stingray and started the engine, loving the sound it made. Feathering my foot over the accelerator, I stared at King in the BMW coupe next to me and waggled my eyebrows.

He cupped his hand to his ear as he blasted the music to the point the bass thumped into my car. He mouthed how he couldn’t hear me. Hayes dropped his head back on the passenger seat and closed his eyes. He had to love King to put up with him.

I pulled out of the parking lot before them and pointed my car in the direction of the steakhouse. King kept pace with me, his bass a presence of its own. Devon was in front of us in his lifted Ford truck. While King and I were showy as hell with our vehicles, Devon didn’t flaunt what he had.

We each parked at the curb and waited for the valets to collect our vehicles. Inside, we were led to a big table where Devon’s parents stood when they saw us enter.

Natalie D’Agostino was over a foot shorter than me. I returned her hug, soaking in the comfort she provided. She had the same color hair as her son and her glasses were perched high on her nose. Her hand cupped my cheek as she looked me over. “No fights tonight. You look good.” She didn’t work for the team, but she was a doctor who liked to make sure we were all doing well.

“Thank you. We had a great night.”

“We sure did,” King said, sidling over. “I know you watched the game, Mrs. D. Did you see me? I was the star of the show.” He beamed then hip checked me out of the way so he could hug her. I was a hugger, but King took it to another level.

Natalie rolled her eyes. She hated it when King called her Mrs. D, which was precisely why he did it. “Yes, I saw you. You played well.” Leaning back, she looked at us, her son, Noah, Hayes, and Jansen. “All of you did. Now let’s eat.”

She didn’t have to tell us twice. We brought our appetites and were ready for food.

Jansen sat on one side of me while Devon was on the other. Over the summer, Jansen and I talked more often than we usually did. He had a lot going on personally. We bonded over the phone while I was in Pittsburgh training. We were a tight group of friends off the ice, but we did our own things too. As I glanced at Jansen and the way he smiled down at his phone, there was no doubt in my mind he was messaging his boyfriend.

“Stephen?” I asked.

“Yeah. He sent me photos of a few couches. Our furniture isn’t going to look right in the new house. With the season in full swing, Stephen’s been doing some of the legwork. Here, what do you think? You’ve seen our house. Which looks best?”

He handed me his phone and I swiped through different photos. Each one was nice, but I thought the light-colored couch would look best, given their home overlooked the ocean. “This one,” I said and handed it back.

“That’s the one Stephen likes too.”

King took the phone from Jansen’s hand. “It’s a light color. That will stain easily. Sure, some things won’t be as obvious, but a stain is a stain.”

“Jesus,” Hayes muttered and pushed King’s hand toward Jansen. “Take the phone back, Kenna, before he starts telling you how to get certain stains out.”

“Aw, baby, you know just how to talk up my many skills.” King gave Hayes a quick kiss.

“Yeah, stain removal is right up there with how well you cook and how talented you are with a stick. Not that stick,” Hayes was quick to say when King’s eyes lit up. We all knew where his mind went.

Jansen took the phone. “I’ll have you know Stephen and I are great at cleaning up messes off each other. We have tongues for a reason.”

“You know better than to feed into King,” Hayes stated.

“Where’s the fun in that? We should be having a good time. We won tonight.”

“That’s right, Kenna,” King said. “Good man. Also, tongues are great, aren’t they?”

“Kingston Walker,” Natalie chastised quietly. “We’re in a restaurant, not your living room.” Luckily, there were no other people near us. It was late by the time we got here, and Natalie probably called ahead so we had a table away from everyone else.

“If you were, Mrs. D., I’d serve you something other than steak. I found this recipe for a pasta dish I’m itching to try. There’s a creamy sauce made with…”

I tuned him out after that. King cooked like he was born to be a chef, yet he found his home on skates.

We ordered our meals and the conversation flowed like it usually did when we were together. I missed these guys over the summer. I needed the reset, to get back to the reason I played and not for all the shit I got into. Returning to Espen was a fresh start indeed.

I wasn’t letting my reputation, when I left at the end of last season, get to me. Sure, some of the reporters would try to bring up stuff from the past, but I wouldn’t let them get into my head. It was time I focused on not just my career but my personal life too. A positive attitude would hopefully bring good fortune. Possibilities sat on the horizon of every new day.

Devon gently nudged me to get my attention. “Are you doing okay?”

“I am. Thanks for asking.”

“I’m glad. You know, we’re all here for you. You can talk to us.”

I nodded as emotion built in my throat. Now wasn’t the time to get sentimental. If I did, King would hug me within an inch of my life. Natalie would mother me. Jansen would try to make me laugh, while Devon would find the perfect words to soothe me. Hayes would need to pry King off me, while Noah watched us all like we were crazy. We were, but that was why I loved them.

As we left the restaurant with full bellies, and our lips pulled into smiles from all the laughing we did, I glanced up into the clear night sky and was grateful for what I had. I was damn fortunate and didn’t take it for granted.