Page 9 of Bleeding Hearts (Pine Valley College #3)

CHAPTER SEVEN

T he panic attack hits me about one mile down the road. I sink into the tall grass, completely alone. My fingers clutch the brittle strands, snapping them just like my sanity. Water drips down my face and body, making me shiver, but my heart pounds hard as I struggle to breathe.

I almost lost Alice tonight.

I didn’t hesitate. I’ve been drowning for so long, what did it matter if I actually did?

Surrounded by the water, I felt a slight reprieve, but when I went to resurface and saw her, everything in me stopped.

I didn’t even think before I dived toward her.

The only other time I have ever felt such terror was the night I almost lost her before.

She nearly died because of me.

Doesn’t she understand that following me only leads to heartbreak and death?

Everyone I love dies. She needs to stay far away from me. They all do.

Bending over, I press my face to the grass, sucking in desperate breaths.

I remind myself she’s alive over and over until the panic recedes enough for me to hear and think. Voices reach me, and I know I’ll be found soon. I can’t afford for anyone to see me like this. I need to get it together.

Wiping my wet arm across my eyes, I compose myself.

I stumble to my feet when I hear the crowd heading my way and race toward the road, needing to get out of here. I need liquor to numb me and slow my heart so I can rest and not dream of her terrified eyes.

My eyes snap open, but I see nothing except deep blue darkness. My pink hair floats around me like ribbons in the wind, and my hands slide through the water as I jerk around, looking for the surface, but there is only water . . . above me . . . below me . . .

I’m trapped

I spin faster, churning the water around me, but there’s no escape. My name is called, and I freeze. Alice appears from the shadowy depths, swimming toward me. Her mouth opens and closes as her hands grip her throat, and she looks around in panic.

“Lally!” she shouts as her body starts to jerk.

I scream, but the water swallows the sound. I swim to her, but I’m stuck, and I don’t get closer. I have to watch her drown and sink. My screams echo in my head as she disappears.

I can’t stop screaming until another face appears before me.

I quiet, my eyes widening. “Tommy,” I croak.

“Hey, Lally girl.” He grins, bubbles coming from his mouth as he floats level with me.

“Tommy.” My sobs choke me, even as water fills my lungs.

“I know, Lally. It’s okay,” he murmurs, catching my hand. His palm is rough, just like I remember, and still stained with paint.

“Lally, it’s time to wake up. You can’t keep going on like this,” he murmurs.

“I’ve missed you so much,” I cry, gripping his hand like a lifeline.

“Lally, it’s time to wake up,” he repeats, his expression turning stern. “Wake up.”

“Tommy, please ? —”

“Wake up!” His appearance changes, his eyes bloodshot and lips blue, and there’s a hole in his chest. It’s exactly how he looked when he died, and I scream.

I jerk upright, sweat dripping down my body as I glare at my darkened bedroom.

It was just a dream.

Collapsing back, I cover my face with my hands, and the sobs break free.

It wasn’t real.

He’s gone, and I’m all alone again.

While the world outside carries on, I lie here, trapped in the past.

How can life just go on after him?

It can’t.

That’s what it comes down to.

There is no me without him. There is no future without him in it. We were going to grow old together in a hippie commune, saving animals, painting, and playing. We weren’t in love, but we were each other’s forever, and we knew it.

I lost my soulmate, and with it, I lost my soul.