Page 12 of Bleeding Hearts (Pine Valley College #3)

CHAPTER TEN

I cried all night, my face hurts, and I’m pissed off.

If she thinks she can push me away, she’s wrong.

I’m not going anywhere, but I’ll admit that it hurt.

My first brush with pleasure under her hands ended horribly.

I hate that it’s tainted by her pain, but she’s drowning, and she can’t find her way up.

It was written on her face. She doesn’t want to hurt me, but she doesn’t see any other way. That’s fine because I meant what I said. She can hurt and use me, I don’t care, but I’m not going anywhere.

I’m feeling a little vulnerable though, so maybe that’s why I head home. The door is locked, but I use my key. It is early, so they should still be here. I just need my brother right now.

Opening the door, I narrow my eyes when I realize it’s too quiet. “I’m home for breakfast. You two better not be fucking!” I shout.

There’s a crash and swearing, and I chuckle as I shut the door and kick off my shoes. “I’ll give you a minute, and then I’m going to the kitchen!” I call helpfully, something I learned since I walked in on them fucking on the sofa. Trust me, once was enough to scar me for life.

“Sure, sure, we were just . . . cooking,” Evan replies, his voice high.

Shaking my head, I step into the kitchen and raise my eyebrows. They stand side by side, Alek holding a spatula in his hand. “Cooking.” He nods at it.

My eyes sweep over them as I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. Alek is wearing a cropped shirt, which is definitely Evan’s since it reads “Passenger Princess,” and just his boxers. Evan has on a huge shirt, and he grins widely at me.

“Nice shirt,” I comment, and Alek looks down and swears, making Evan and I burst into laughter. “Nice try.” I sit on a chair and watch as they share a look.

“Let me make some breakfast.” Alek’s cheeks turn red as Evan sits down on the other side of the table, smiling at me.

His hair is a mess, and he has a very noticeable hickey on his throat.

For a moment, I see the love in his eyes as Alek leans over and kisses him softly.

It’s so sweet. Why can’t I have something like that?

Evan coughs. “I’ll, um, clean the table before we eat.”

“Fuck, the table? Really?” I jerk back, glaring at them. “You two are animals. Just use a bed!”

Evan laughs as Alek starts cooking. “When you’re in love, you’ll understand. Sometimes you just can’t help it.”

My cheeks heat as I remember last night. There were people around, but I didn’t care. I wouldn’t have stopped her for anything.

Evan’s eyes narrow on me as he stops wiping and points at me. “Or do you already know?”

Alek jerks around, wide-eyed and horrified. “You better not!”

Rolling my eyes, I scan the room for a distraction and land on the open book on the side. It has a pink and yellow cover, and the words lesbian , love , and feminist jump out at me. “Um, what’s that?”

Alek looks at it and scrambles over, throwing a towel over it. “Nothing,” he barks out quickly. “Let me get a better shirt.” He hurries away, and Evan watches him go with a grin.

“He wants to understand you and your life better,” Evan says with a shrug.

I stare at him, unsure what to say.

“He isn’t asking for you to talk about anything if you’re uncomfortable. He’s just trying to expand his knowledge so he can help you. If you’re never ready to talk to him, he’ll be okay with that as long as you’re happy. He just wants to be there for you.”

“Oh,” I reply, unsure what to say, and Alek hustles back into the room and starts cooking again. I can’t take my eyes off him. Does he know? Of course he does. He’s my brother. He knows everything. I could never hide anything from him.

He doesn’t treat me differently or say anything as he places some food before us and sits, taking Evan’s hand and kissing it softly. His eyes sparkle with happiness and love as he looks between us. “It’s been too long since we did this. I’ve missed having my family all together.”

“Softie.” I dig in, and he watches me contentedly, so I roll my eyes. Some habits die hard. He spent so long acting like my parent, he forgot how to be my brother. We are both learning, but sometimes he still looks at me like I’m his kid, and I guess that will never change.

Evan picks up his phone when he’s done eating, and his smile changes to a frown. “What’s wrong? Lally still not answering?” Alek murmurs around a mouthful.

“For a week now.” Evan sighs, and I perk up at her name, looking between them.

“She’s being so selfish,” Alek snaps.

I slam my knife and fork down before I can think it through, and both sets of eyes snap to me. “She’s not being selfish,” I protest.

“Yes, she is,” Alek scoffs. “She knows Evan’s worried, but she doesn’t care. He’s not asking for much. She’s being selfish for making him worry like this all the time and not even finding the time to reply. She’s out partying and going to school, and one little text takes two seconds.”

I know he’s being protective of Evan and his feelings, but in this moment, I want to smack my brother, something I’ve never wanted to do.

He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand.

“Selfish,” he mutters again, and I lose it.

I’m so sick of everyone judging her, only seeing what they want to see.

“She’s not fucking selfish,” I yell. “She is fighting every single day just to survive. She’s trying to save herself, and you don’t even notice. You are selfish for not seeing her trying to do her best to carry on?—”

“By partying and drinking?” Alek interrupts. “Stop with your attitude, it’s rude.”

“She doesn’t owe you a goddamn thing. You sent a text?

You called? Did you go find her? Have you looked at her recently?

Because I have, and I see a desperate woman who thinks she’s all alone as she struggles with her grief.

She is allowed to cope in any way she wants, and as a friend, if you can’t see that and be there for her, then you don’t deserve her.

She doesn’t owe you her free time, she doesn’t owe you anything, but you owe her.

Where were you when she needed you? She’s right, you moved on and you’re happy, and you just stopped caring.

” I thrust my chair back and storm out before I say something worse.

I am so angry, I’m vibrating. How dare they?

They are happy and thriving, and she’s struggling.

I know it’s not all on them to help her, but she needs them, and they don’t even notice, so blinded by their own happiness and love.

The door slams after me as I head down the path, but I hear it a moment later before my name is yelled. I turn to see Alek, his eyes narrowed and arms crossed. Evan appears behind him, looking sad. “Don’t talk to Evan like that. You don’t see how he still struggles every night?—”

“No, she’s right,” Evan whispers. “I was so lost in my own grief, I didn’t even think about hers.” He looks at me. “Is she that bad?”

Maybe it’s spiteful, but I want him to hurt for a moment like she is.

“Don’t worry about it, you carry on with your perfect lives.

I’ll protect her, and I wouldn’t want to stain you with my bad attitude.

” I look at my brother. “If that’s how you think, then you aren’t the man I thought you were.

You told me once that everyone is fighting a battle, one we don’t understand, and now look at you.

” I storm away before I say something I might regret.

He’s my family, but right now, I could kick his ass.

I’m so mad, I’m shaking, and I need to take it out on something.

I find myself at the last place I thought I would ever be—the gym where Bones teaches self-defense.

He’s currently teaching a class, but I head past him to the kickboxing room at the back.

I might not particularly like exercising, since I’d much rather be napping or watching my dramas, but I need to get this anger out of me.

The glass door shuts behind me, and I head to the bag, taping up my hands like he taught me.

I turn on my music on my phone, selecting a fast, angry playlist, and just beat the shit out of the bag.

I smash my feet and fists into it until I’m panting and sweaty, the anger leaving me, and then I collapse onto the mats.

I’m really not made for exercise no matter how hard they try to make me. I’m made for snacks and naps.

“Here.”

I open my eyes to see a water bottle thrust at me, Bones hovering above me.

“Thanks,” I mutter as I sit up and take it, sipping it as he crouches before me.

“You good?” he asks.

“I will be,” I answer as I cap the bottle and play with the label.

“Lally?” he asks knowingly, and I nod silently.

“You’re a stubborn bitch, Alice. You’ll get there.

Just keep showing up. That’s what Skylar did.

Sometimes that’s all it takes, just knowing that someone is there no matter what.

Even when you’re being unreasonable and cruel, they are still there.

She might be testing you. I know I tested Skylar, and I still do.

” He slaps my shoulder as he stands. “I have class. Next time, though, we are working on your form. What was that shit? You looked like an insect fighting a flower.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“No problem.” He heads out, and I collapse back once more.

My phone buzzes, and I pull it out, preparing to accept Alek’s apology, but it fizzles and flashes, and I sit up as my screen turns black, and then the Risk logo appears before it fades into what looks like an old game.

There’s a little chicken trying to cross a road with cars, and it keeps failing and dying.

It finally dies and floats up, and then a time appears.

Overpass at 6 PM.

That’s it.

The next game is tonight, and my first thought is of Lally.