Page 22 of Bleeding Hearts (Pine Valley College #3)

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

S he’s ignoring me, or trying to. She’s lying on her bed, pretending to sleep. I’ll admit that I took as many of the sleepover shifts as I could because I want to be close to her, but also because I know she struggles the most at night.

“Why do you sleep so much when you have nightmares?” I ask. She woke up screaming the last few times I was here, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out what happened. She is bound to have them after everything that has occurred.

She doesn’t reply for so long, I think she won’t, but then I hear a creak from the bed and her voice is soft as she speaks. “Because it’s the only time I get to see him again.”

That sends a dagger right into my heart, ripping it open. I climb to my knees and prop my elbows on the bottom of her bed, looking up at her. She doesn’t glance my way, but I know she senses me.

“It isn’t always nice when I see him . . . but it’s better than not seeing him at all and forgetting his dimple when he smiled or the way his laughter would bounce off walls. The pain is better than nothing.”

“I barely remember my parents,” I murmur.

She sits up, her eyes wide as she stares at me.

“I was young and thought I was too good to cling to them all the time. My father wasn’t a good man, but he was still my father.

My mom was kind. She liked jazz music and collecting records.

Sometimes I swear I can still hear her laughter as she would dance around way too early on a Sunday morning, the notes filling the house with warmth.

Those were the days when my dad wasn’t there.

When he was, it was silent and cold. Alek tried so hard to earn their love, but they were always fighting.

Me? They didn’t even notice me. I think my dad forgot I existed until he needed something.

“When they died, it hurt a lot. I loved them because they were my parents, but they were also strangers. I didn’t know what would happen next, but Alek stepped up.

He didn’t have to. Most wouldn’t have at his age, but he did.

He held me as I cried, planned their funerals, and learned everything about makeup, hair, and periods.

I’d catch him listening to tutorials and blogs at night about raising young girls.

He tried to be a better parent than my father, and he has been, but sometimes I miss them.

I miss those lazy Sunday jazz mornings, and I even miss my father’s anger. Stupid, right?”

“No. Not stupid. Not even a little,” she murmurs as she lies down, this time toward the end of the bed, her head close to mine.

I rest my head on her duvet, our eyes locked.

“I wouldn’t trade my life now for anything.

Alek is a better family than they ever were, but I still miss them.

We are allowed to miss those who are gone.

Tommy was your family, and he loved you.

It was in everything he did and said. I can’t begin to even imagine how much it hurts losing him, but just like I had Alek, you have me.

I’m not going anywhere. You won’t ever be alone. ”

Her eyes are glassy with tears before she blinks rapidly, as if unwilling to let them fall.

“I don’t have any family either, not anymore.

You are all I have. Evan, Alek, even Bones and Skylar .

. . and you. I’m a bitch and pushed you all away, but I love all of you.

I really do. That night at your house before everything happened .

. . it was the happiest night of my life.

I was surrounded by friends and laughter, good food and music, and you.

For one night, I got to be truly happy, but people like me don’t get that kind of life, Alice.

We don’t get to be happy. Suffering is all we know. ”

“Then we’ll suffer together,” I tell her as I cup her cheek and turn her head toward me.

Her eyes are wide, and she looks so lost and tired.

“Rest your sword, I’ll fight for our future.

I’ll fight until you get to be that happy again.

Life is fucking hard. I don’t believe in those shit sayings, like it never throws more at you than you can handle.

It’s bullshit. Life is out to wreck you.

Things will always come up—stress, pain, heartache.

It will always be there waiting for you, so you have to find happiness in the little moments and the people around you.

I will always stand at your side, just as you stood at mine on the worst night of my life. ”

“I’m tired of hurting,” she admits, leaning into my touch for a moment, closing her eyes. “I’m so very fucking tired.”

“Then sleep. I’ll keep your nightmares at bay,” I murmur as I kiss her cheek, unable to resist. My lips linger on her skin, and when I’m about to pull back, she turns her head, pressing her lips to mine.

It’s soft and over way too quickly, but when she pulls back, she’s smiling slightly. “Alice Anders, my hero,” she teases.

“I’ll be whatever you need, as long as it’s yours,” I whisper, glancing at her lips again. “That’s all I want. To be yours.”

“I’m no good, Alice.” She tries pulling away, but I don’t let her. I tug her toward me, and we fall together, her hands on my shoulders and my head above hers. Her eyes are round and wide as she stares up at me in shock.

“I don’t care. I don’t care about any of it,” I tell her.

“Alice, please, just stop. I can’t, okay? Just stop trying. Stop asking for permission?—”

“Then I’ll ask you for forgiveness instead. Forgive me for confusing lust with love. Forgive me for thinking you wanted me forever when you only wanted me for a moment. Forgive but don’t let me go. I can live with a little pain, I can live with you not loving me, but I can’t live without you.”

My words are stolen whispers between us, and for a moment, we just stare at each other.

“It would be easier if we didn’t love each other, wouldn’t it?” she murmurs. “You didn’t mistake anything, but I can’t be what you need, at least not right now.”

“Then I’ll wait right here until you’re ready.

You are the love of my life, Laila Stewart.

I’m not letting you go. Not now, not ever.

” I lean down, aiming for her lips. She stares up at me before her eyelids shut in acceptance, then she arches her head up, and our mouths drift dangerously close until a shrill noise startles us apart.

We both scramble up, searching for it, until I grab my phone and realize it’s coming from there. The Risk logo flashes, and then there are instructions. I glance at Lally and see her gripping hers. Her face is pale as she looks down at the screen.

We share a look, our phones clutched in our fingers. “I guess it’s game time.”

I nod, but I don’t know what to say. She climbs from her bed and pulls off her oversized T-shirt. My eyes widen at the sight of her naked back, desire flaming through me before she tugs down a tank then turns to face me as she laces up her boots.

Her new shirt reads “I love pussy,” and there’s a picture of a cat, with more words under it that say “I like cats too.”

When she’s swinging on her leather jacket, she looks at me, hesitating before stepping past me.

Catching her hand, I tug her closer. “It isn’t too late to back out. We could just stay here.”

For a moment, I swear I see her resolve crumbling before her eyes harden and she pulls from my hold. “I can’t. I’m sorry. You can stay. You don’t need to come.”

I throw on my jacket and hop into my shoes. “When will you learn? I go where you go.”

Her sigh fills the air, but she holds the door open for me, and I take that as a victory.

Unlike the last few games, I’m not going in alone.

Lally is at my side, and surprisingly, she doesn’t seem inclined to fade into the crowd and leave me by myself.

She sticks close to me, and I slip my hand into the crook of her arm as the crowd thickens.

She glances back at me and tugs me under the shelter of her arm to stop them from bumping me while we follow everyone up several flights of stairs in the office building.

When we first showed up, I was worried we would be found out, but there was no security guard at the desk, the turnstiles were open, and neon arrows pointed up the stairs.

“I hate exercise,” I mutter as my legs begin to burn from yet another flight. The excited and scared chatter around us drowns us out as she keeps pace at my side.

“Really?” She runs her eyes over me, and they heat with something that sends a shiver through me. “I like certain exercises.”

“Then maybe you can show me,” I flirt breathlessly.

She smiles wickedly just as someone knocks into me and sends us flying into the railing. She grunts from the impact, keeping her back to it so I don’t hit the metal poles, and glares at those behind us. “Fucking watch out,” she snaps before looking down at me. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I murmur, taking a moment to appreciate being this close since she doesn’t often let me. She glances at my lips for a moment before she looks away and guides us up the stairs. She takes my hand and tugs me up them faster.

“Come on. When this is over, remind me to take you to the gym.”

“No. I was made for comfort, not speed,” I retort. I sound winded, but I don’t care. Who the fuck climbs stairs like this? We have elevators for a reason.

“Good, I like both,” she mutters, but she doesn’t give me a chance to speak as we break out of the open rooftop door and step onto the skyscraper’s flat roof.

It’s large, and the crowd is already surrounding the edges, leaning into the railings and looking around at the city.

Unlike the other games, this is in plain sight, right under the police’s nose.

Bright lights flood the area as it becomes hard to move, bar a space in the middle of the roof that’s empty.