Page 41 of Bleeding Hearts (Pine Valley College #3)

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

A fter walking Alice to class, I wander through the campus. It’s quiet. Most classes were cancelled after the news, the entire student body in shock due to the tragic losses. Only those who play Risk know the truth, and the knowledge is in their eyes as we pass each other like silent ghosts.

The families of those who died deserve the truth. They deserve to put their children to rest, and the people behind it need to be punished. Yes, they pulled the trigger, and they chose to enter the game, but that night . . .

We had no choice. It was stolen from us just like their lives, and it’s killing me.

Maybe that’s why I go to Tommy’s memorial. I find myself tidying it up a bit before I kneel, eyeing his picture. He’s smiling so widely his dimples show. I had forgotten what they looked like and what his over-the-top laughter sounded like when he belly laughed.

Staring at the photo, I realize I’ve started to forget, and that hurts.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much recently,” I say.

“Well, you probably know why.” Biting my lip, I fuss with some candles, unable to meet his eyes.

“I still love you, Tommy, and it still hurts, but I think I’m starting to heal.

I don’t know if that’s what you want, and I’m sorry.

” Tears fill my eyes. “I’m so sorry, but I need you to know I will never forget you.

I’ll always be right here with you. No matter who’s in my life, you’re still my best friend, and that will never change.

I wish you were here right now. I wish .

. . I need you. You would know what to do.

You were such a good person, and I’m trying to be, but I failed all those people, and now they are dead. ”

I bow my head in shame, tears falling once more.

“I’m scared, Tom. I’m scared about what this means.

I was never afraid before. I can’t lose her, but I can’t not do anything either.

If I do, I’m not the person she loves or the person I want to be.

” Lifting my head, I meet his gaze. “I know what you would do—the same thing I’m doing now.

You would say it’s our duty to and make some stupid joke, but you’d still be trying to save the day. ”

I lick my dry lips. “I want to be someone you’re proud of.

I want to be the person you always believed I was.

I need to be. If you can’t be their hero, I will be, but can you look over Alice for me?

If this goes wrong and I end up . . . gone, will you watch over her for me?

She’ll be upset, but the world needs her, Tommy.

I guess it never really needed us, huh? Two fuckups.

” I laugh despite myself. “We always said we would do everything together, and I guess you were right. I’m probably going to join you soon, just like we always said.

I wish I had more time with her. I wish I had more time with all of them, so I’m going to spend as much time with them as I can.

” Leaning forward, I brush off his picture.

“I’ll see you soon, okay? Get the good food in for me. ”

Standing, I spare him one last look before I head out. My phone vibrates when I step outside, and I know who it is before I look—Evan. I texted him earlier, meaning what I said to Tommy.

Evan: Sure, I would love to! See you there.

Evan: Thanks for asking me, Lally. I’ve missed you.

“You look good.” Evan grins as he wiggles his eyebrows at me. “Is that due to a certain someone?”

“My girlfriend,” I reply, and he squeals.

“About time. I’m happy for you, Lally.” He smiles widely. “You deserve to be happy. You know that, right?”

“I do,” I say as I take his hand. I memorize the lines across it as I look up at him. “Are you happy?” I need to know they’ll be okay just in case.

“I am.” His grin is so bright, I’m surprised it doesn’t hurt. “My internship is going really well. I think Conan will offer me a job after. Alek and I are actually enjoying living together. He can be a pain, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“I’m glad that you have each other. I know I didn’t always say it after everything, but I am. I’m so happy you have a good life, Evan. I want you to be happy for a long time. It makes me feel better knowing you have Alek.”

He frowns as he watches me, his smile fading. “Are you okay?” he asks.

“Fine,” I reply as I squeeze his hand. “But I need to ask a favor. I need you to promise me something, okay?”

“Always,” he answers without hesitation.

Evan is the type of friend who would hide a body for me.

When you have earned his love, there is nothing he wouldn’t do for you.

I just forgot that for a while. I’m glad Alice brought us back together.

I know I’ll regret the moments I wasted, but I’ll try to make up for it until I can’t anymore.

“I want you to look after Alice for me,” I tell him. “She’s stubborn, and she’ll say she’s fine, but I need you to. Promise you’ll take care of her and make sure she’s okay. Make sure she eats and sleeps and is happy.”

He considers me for a moment. “Lally, what’s happening?”

“Nothing, I just—please promise me,” I beg. I need to know she’ll be okay, even if something happens to me. It’s the only way I can do this.

“I promise,” he murmurs, “but talk to me.” He leans in. “Tell me what’s happening. You’re scaring me, Lally.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to.” I pull my hand away and smile. “Just feeling emotional after seeing Tommy. What should we order?”

He reaches across and takes my hand again. “You can tell me anything, Lally. I’m your best friend. Whatever it is, I’m here.”

“I know,” I murmur as I look at him. “I saw Tommy this morning, that’s all.” It isn’t a full lie.

He sighs and nods like that makes sense, then he starts to look over the menu.

They’ll have each other, and that’s enough for me.

Will it be enough for Alice? For Evan? I know the hole a person you love can leave behind when they die, and I would hate to do that to them.

I’m going to do everything I can to survive this, but I need them to be happy and safe just in case.

“Evan, I’m sorry I was a shitty friend. I didn’t mean to be. I love you. You’re like my brother and always will be.” He jerks his head up, his eyes widening. “I’m not always good at telling you, but I love you, and I’m glad you’re my family.”

He searches my gaze. “You know we feel the same, Lally. We’re family, we fight, but we don’t stop loving each other. Tommy is gone, but we still have each other. I’m not going anywhere.”

I am. I want to say that, but I don’t. I just smile.

We end up ordering and talking about everything and anything, just like old times. It’s nice. There is still an empty spot where Tommy should be, but it gets easier every day. With his next words, though, all that happiness goes up in flames as he glances at the TV playing silently in the corner.

“Did you hear about that crash?” Evan asks as he leans in. “How sad.” He shakes his head. “I keep thinking about it. When I heard the news, I couldn’t breathe until I saw your text and realized you were safe and not in it.”

I nod as I stare down at my food, unsure what to say.

My phone vibrates, and I pull it out, reading the text.

Something in my chest loosens. Her friends have responded, saying they’ll check on her.

I also drafted an email to her professors, applied for the art scholarship for her, and submitted her work to the gaming café. Everything’s falling into place.

I planned her life for her, one she can live without me if she has to.

She’ll hate me for it, but I don’t care. I need to know she’ll be okay if something happens.

Nothing is going the way I wanted it to, but life changes, and so do I.

I want to apologize to everyone. I want them to understand that I need to do this, but I can’t put them in danger.

This is my choice. I was the first in that water that day, and I’ll be the last in it now.

I’ll finish what I started, but today, I’ll spend time with them and remember the people I’m doing it for.

Alice and Alek turn up not too much later, bickering as they sit. Skylar and Bones arrive shortly after, looking flushed, and Sky seems far too happy with himself. As they chat between them, catching up, I watch them. I hope even when I’m gone, they can be this happy.

“We should take a picture,” I say randomly, and they look at me. “We haven’t taken one since . . . since that night. We should take one with all of us.”

“Yes! Let’s!” Evan rushes up and sets his camera on the table opposite ours. “Okay, I set the timer!” He hurries back, and we squish into the booth, staring at the camera as I glance over at them.

Alice moves over without a word, and when I glance at her, she smiles. “For Tommy. It’s his space.”

As I stare at her, I fall in love with her all over again. Alice takes my hand, and I turn to the camera, smiling widely. We sit together with a space in the middle for the one who is missing.

He’ll always have a seat at our table, and the fact that the love of my life ensured that means so much to me.

I spend the rest of the afternoon with them, and it’s perfect. As I watch them together, I know Alice will be okay. She has her family, one that will fight for her, so I can do what I need to without worry.

We have one more game left, one more chance to get all the evidence I need, and until then, I’ll live every day like it’s my last, not taking anything for granted, because if they find out, I’m dead.

I promised Alice I wouldn’t be brave anymore, but I lied.