Page 40 of Bleeding Hearts (Pine Valley College #3)

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

I didn’t sleep at all. The sound of gunshots lingered in my mind, as did images of the bodies left behind. It haunted me every time I tried to close my eyes. I know Lally felt the same way. We didn’t talk about it, but we did hold each other until dawn.

We almost lost each other last night. My heart stopped when she grabbed that gun. I thought she was finally going somewhere I couldn’t follow her. We got lucky. If it were a split second later, she would have died. The idea terrifies me, and I hate the fact that tears fill my eyes again.

“How will they even get rid of the bodies?” I stumble over the word. “They can manage to hide one or two, but so many died last night. Surely people will notice.”

“I don’t know,” Lally murmurs as she sits up, and I curl into her side. Neither of us is in a rush to get out of bed, even as sunlight streams into her room. “They will find a way. They won’t let anything stop them, not before their big finale.”

Staring at her, I’m reminded of how close I came to losing her last night, and I can’t handle it.

Cupping her cheeks, I run my eyes over every inch of her.

That moment where she took the gun from me .

. . it haunts me. She knew, we both did, yet she was ready to take the bullet meant for me.

If I didn’t know Lally loved me, I would now.

“What are you doing?” she asks quietly.

“You knew, didn’t you?” I whisper. “The bullet was in the chamber. You knew and you took it anyway.”

“Baby . . .”

I shake my head and sit up, needing a minute, but she tugs me down, swinging herself over me.

Lally grabs my wrists and pins them above my head when I go to push her away. “Look at me.”

Turning my head, I feel a tear escape and slide down my face.

She releases my arms, grips my face like I did hers, and turns it so I can see her again.

“Do you think there is any time or place where I would let the person I love kill themselves in front of me?” Her voice is cruel, but her words are desperate.

“Yes, I knew it was there, and I knew it would kill me, but better me than you.”

A sob rips from my chest, and her hold softens as she strokes my face.

“You can live without me, Alice, you can, but I can’t live without you,” she explains, her eyes glassy with unshed tears as she stares down at me. I search her beautiful face in horror, realizing she actually believes that I could live without her.

“You’re wrong,” I croak. “I can’t . . . I don’t want to.”

Pursing her lips, she wipes my tears away and kisses my forehead tenderly, her words whispered.

“You know what’s funny? They say love makes you brave, but it makes me fucking scared.

I was never afraid until I met you. I would do anything for fun.

I was reckless and didn’t care what happened, but now I’m terrified of crossing the fucking street in case a car hits me.

You didn’t make me brave, Alice. You made me careful because I want to live a long life with you.

I want to come home every day to you. I want to see this beautiful hair turn gray.

I want this until the very end. I was reckless before you, baby.

You made me a coward, and I don’t fucking care as long as it means I get to have you, but knowing the bullet was in that gun?

I was brave and reckless for one more moment because none of it matters if you aren’t here. Do you understand me?”

My lips tremble as silent tears trickle down my cheeks.

“Then please keep being a coward,” I implore, “because I don’t want to—no, I can’t live without you, Lally.

I tried it, and I can’t. I can handle losing anything else, but not you, so even if it means you grow to hate me for asking it, please keep doing what it takes to survive as long as it means you come home to me.

I’m selfish and greedy, and I want you all to myself at all times.

I want more than a hundred years with you.

I want to see you as an old lady with pink hair and offensive shirts, but you need to be alive for me to see that, so don’t you dare do something like that again.

” I smack her chest with my fists. “Do you hear me? Don’t you dare. ”

My tears blind me, and she lets me hit her chest with my hands until I begin to slow, trying to blink through the tears.

“I lost my family once, Lally. I can’t lose it again.

You say you can’t live without me, but don’t you see that I can’t as well?

I was miserable before you, and there will be nothing after you.

This is it. You and me. We’re in it together, and I never want out of it, so the next time you try to be brave, remember that, because if you go, I go. ”

“You’ll be okay. Promise me, Alice. You have Alek who needs you and Evan?—”

“No,” I snap as I stare up at her. “Alek has Evan. It will hurt for a while, but he’ll survive and eventually move on.

He won’t stop living. My friends will say my death was a tragedy as they get older, but you and me?

I couldn’t take a single breath in a world where you aren’t alive.

I don’t care if that makes me crazy. So when you go, I go.

This world will go on without me, but my world will never survive without you. ”

Her forehead rests against mine as silent tears drip from her eyes and onto my face. “My beautiful, foolish girl,” she whispers. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m never letting you go.”

“Don’t,” I murmur. “Ever. Don’t ever scare me like that again. Don’t ever leave me again. You’re my entire world, Laila Stewart.”

It’s obvious she doesn’t know what to say to that, so she traps my hands between our chests as her lips find mine in a promise.

Our kiss tastes like our joined tears, but neither of us cares.

People speak of soulmates, and I never understood what that meant until she came into my life because she is my other half.

I’ve read stories that say souls are split in two and you search your entire life for the rest of yourself.

I was fortunate enough to find mine, and I’m never letting it go again.

Without Lally, I’m not whole. I’m not Alice.

I’m a sister, a friend, and a college student. Without Lally, I’m many things, but I’m not happy or whole. She is my everything. In a world where I’ve been fighting to find my place, I found it with her.

Pulling away, I wrap my arms around her, finally taking a deep breath for the first time since last night. She must feel the same way because she turns onto her side and pulls me closer, our legs and arms tangling so we are inseparable.

We’ve faced a lot since we’ve known each other—more than most could ever imagine—but it only seems to make us stronger as a couple.

The game asks us what we are willing to risk, and the quick answer is anything except her.

“Alice.”

I lift my head from her chest, and she sweeps her thumbs under my eyes.

“I need you to know that the world might not accept us, okay? Our family and friends do, of course, but some people out there are still . . . stupid.”

“I don’t care. Why would I care about what anyone else says?” I whisper.

“I don’t want to limit your future because you love me,” she admits.

“The only limit would be living without you. I don’t care what anyone else says.

Why does anyone else’s opinion matter to me?

They aren’t the ones in this relationship.

I am. You make me happy, and I love you.

That’s all that matters. I can fight the world for us, Lals, as long as I know you’re at my side.

Fuck everyone else. You’re all I need. If they can’t accept us, then they don’t deserve to be in our lives.

” She’s quiet for a moment, and I slide up, stroking her cheek. “Talk to me.”

“My own parents couldn’t accept me, Alice.

Did you know that? I walked away from them because I knew I deserved better.

I couldn’t cut myself down to be what they wanted.

I never want you to feel the same pain or think you’re wrong or disgusting just because you love someone.

It’s easy to speak about it, but it’s another thing to experience it. ”

“Listen to me and listen well, Laila Stewart. You are not wrong or disgusting. You aren’t anything but perfect.

If they can’t see that, then they are stupid.

The world is changing, but if they still don’t accept us, then we’ll find somewhere that does.

It’s you and me against the world, okay?

Fuck anyone else. Fuck them all. If being ourselves offends them so much, then I’ll happily do it. ”

“When did you become so brave?” she murmurs.

“The moment I realized I could lose you,” I reply as I lean in and kiss her hand between us, my eyes on her.

“I can be brave for both of us if need be. Fuck your family, you have one right here—one who will always have your back, fight in your corner, and never let you feel that way. You are so loved, Lally, and one day you’ll realize that, but until then, I’ll keep reminding you.

We all will. We are right here, ready to fight with you.

That’s all that matters, okay? I wish I met you sooner.

I wish I could have been with you when they hurt you, but I’m here now, and no one will ever hurt you again. ”

I feel her swallow against my hand as I stroke her throat. Her lashes are wet from her tears, and she looks so young, I wonder if this is how she looked when her family hurt her. How could they see their daughter and turn their backs on her? How could they look into her face and break her heart?

She didn’t deserve any of it, but I will spend the rest of my life giving her the love she should have had all along.

“I love you,” she murmurs. “I love you so fucking much.”

“You better.” I smile. “Because I love you, even when you’re being a pain in the ass.”

She laughs and tugs me closer. “Me? You’re the brat here, baby.”

“Only with you,” I retort. “I feel safe being that way with you.”

“Good.” Her lips press to my hair. “We’ll be safe places for each other.” Leaning back slightly, she taps her lip, and I frown. “This means I love you, okay? No matter where we are or what’s happening, this means I’m there and I love you.” I copy it, and she smiles. “Exactly.”

I don’t know how long we lie here, healing together, but when we break apart, I know something much better grew from the cracks others placed in our hearts.

“How about we order shitty food and watch TV today?” she suggests as she drapes herself over my back, grabbing the remote. “We can just ignore the outside world.”

“Sounds good to me.” I lean back into her as she turns to the last channel we watched, which happens to be the news.

We both freeze, the color draining from our faces as the breaking news alert crosses the screen.

“A tragic bus crash late last night on Slaughterhouse Road has claimed the lives of over fifty passengers. Many were students at Pine Valley College, who seemed to have stayed late for an event. Police are investigating, but they have ruled it a tragic accident. Families of the victims have been informed and are flooding the area, which will be closed today?—”

Lally turns it off, and we sit in silence.

“They covered it up. Their families will never know the truth. How did they hide the bullet wounds?”

“The fire,” she murmurs softly. “It should cover them. They will have thought of it or bribed someone. They are powerful, Alice. They’ll keep getting away with it.” There’s something strange in her tone, and when I glance over my shoulder, I notice her eyes are far away and hard.

Something deep inside me clenches, and fear flows through me for some reason before she blinks her determined expression away and kisses my cheek.

“There is nothing we can do, okay?” she tells me. “I don’t want you blaming yourself or thinking any more about it.”

“Okay.” I look into her eyes, still feeling fear. “You too, alright? You did everything you could. We are not the ones who pulled the trigger.”

“No, but we helped put the guns in their hands,” she mutters before she tugs me into her arms and sighs, burying her face in my neck. “No TV, not today. Let’s distract ourselves with something else instead.”

My gasp turns into a laugh as she presses me against the bed, tickling my sides until I’m laughing.

She’s distracting me from what I was going to ask . . . from the fear.