Page 18 of Balance

How would I even begin to know what to do? I had no idea where the courts were. And from the little I’d read on folklore, didn’t the fae have a queen and king of their own?

What was my role?

Julian’s warning continued to ring in my head, as did the details of Xavier’s plan—or at least, what the boys suggested it might be.

There was no way I could pretend to play such a role. I wasn’t physically able.

It was Xavier’s almost-imperceptible tension that made me pause. We’d have to do something else, yes. But he was desperate.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, my chest swelling with a feeling I couldn’t quite place. I didn’t know exactly what this relationship between me and my officers entailed, but I wanted to help Xavier.

Funny, this was almost the same as when Bryce and I were shopping, and he looked sad at the game store. I only wanted to make him happy.

Was this normal?

“The queen is dead,” Xavier said without preamble, letting his guard relax. Worry was heavy in his posture now, and he glanced around nervously before he continued. “Our king has resorted to taking his grief out on the court. People are being killed every day.Youappointed the rulers to their roles. Right now, you’re the only person who can stop him.”

A flash of a memory passed over me—gone too quickly to gather anything helpful—and the corners of my vision turned black. Rough walls, moss-covered stones, and a fleeting glimpse of black teeth within a triumphant grin.

“Mistress?” Xavier’s voice cut through the darkness, followed by his hand grasping my upper arm. My vision cleared, and by a random miracle, I hadn’t dropped either of the cups. But still…

Nausea was thick in my throat, and the world, outside of Xavier’s concerned expression, wavered in my vision.

The memory faded no matter how much I tried to hold on to it, like sand falling through my fingers. With it was the sense that something—or someone—was being forgotten.

An extremely important detail that I really needed to remember.

But I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t even try. As the distraction of recollection faded, and with nothing to show for it, all my attention refocused to the feeling of Xavier’s touch on me. Even though he was doing absolutely nothing wrong, it was impossible to catch my breath.

Sickness continued to swell in my chest, and now the cold sweat had nothing to do with the strange phenomenon that had occurred after his announcement.

“Mistress,” Xavier said, making me wonder if he’d ever said my name before. This was the closest he’d ever been to me, and the air between us seemed to emanate an untamable energy. “Do you need to sit?” he asked, lightly pulling my arm as he nodded toward a concrete bench nestled between two rose bushes a little way up the path.

The sun, which had been bright for the season, seemed clouded over, and the temperature had dropped.

But I doubted it had anything to do with the weather. At this point, it was obvious there was something very wrong with my head.

“N-n-no.” I tried to ignore his touch—weakness was always exploited. I doubted that reality would be any different among the fae. I didn’t know much about faery culture, but the Unseelie court had a less tolerant disposition. I couldn’t afford to freak out right now.

I had to pull it together, otherwise Xavier would never trust me. His ashen features were so drawn, and if I failed, I would see that sickly expression in my nightmares for weeks to come.

“No.” I shook my head, forcing myself to breathe as the panic faded. I could, maybe, self-reflect later, but right now there was no other option but to ignore my feelings.

It was best to focus on what I could do right now, at this moment.

Which, unfortunately, wasn’t a lot. But the stirrings of urgency prickled under my skin, and Xavier was supposed to help me…

If I was ever to help him in return, I would have to be honest.

“I don’t know how any of this works,” I admitted in a whisper. “I didn’t grow up even knowing about this world. I don’t even know where to begin.”

“I know that,” Xavier responded instantly, as if he’d expected my words. He released my arm—which instantly made the weight lift from my chest—and, once again, snatched his satchel from the ground.

I’d been so lost in…whatever, that it had escaped my notice that he’d dropped his bag.

“Are you okay to walk now?” Xavier asked. At my nod, he stepped back a few inches, further distancing himself from me. He swept his arm in front of me, gesturing for me to walk with him. “In this realm, you have Bryce, Brayden, and myself, to help guide you. And, of course, the proxies. Though they are used more for advice and guidance, while we’re used for practical matters.”

I swallowed, stepping past him. He fell into motion beside me. It hadn’t escaped my notice that, when it was obvious I didn’t want to linger, Xavier had respected my silent request to move on.