Page 143 of Balance

I never told the boys exactly what had happened with Daniel Cole; and from the video, they assumed everything was because of Mu.

I wasn’t sure I could tell them the truth.

My throat went dry, and I rubbed my shaking hands over my thighs.

“I felt it at Daniel Cole’s,” I admitted in a shaky voice, shame filling me. People had died because I couldn’t control myself. “I was going to break the spell, but… He… I…” This was so confusing, but I couldn’t place all the blame on my psychotic counterpart. “Wedidn’t want you to have to do it. I don’t understand what happened exactly, so we killed them instead.”

“Bianca.” He shifted closer to me and cupped my cheek, turning my attention to him. He’d gone pale, and his touch was almost cold. “Listen to me, and please be honest. There are times—in life or death situations—where we can gettaken overby our past selves. It’s our last line of defense in those situations. We also should have the ability to communicate with our past lives as well, and they’llguideus. However, that way only worksifthe foundation is already set.”

My breath caught. I knew where he was going with this.

His tone was deathly serious. “I suspected earlier, especially because of some of the things you say, but didn’t know how to bring it up. I’m asking now, though: Do you know how to fight?”

I bit my lip. “Maybe…”

At his unmoved expression, my annoyance flared. He wasn’t going to let this drop.

“Yes,” I squeaked. “But only a little—it’s nothing exciting! Kieran used to teach me some basic moves, and I don’t remember much. And my… adoptive father let me watch wrestling and fights, and I always liked strategy. But I don’t knowexactlywhat happened with Daniel Cole. I felt scared and confident all at once. I remember thinking, or maybe it wasn’t me, but we were happy there was a dagger…”

My breath was short, and panic choked at me. This whole conversation was making me seem like such a horrible person. I wasn’t needlessly violent—Miles had to know this!

I grabbed the front of his shirt. “I tried to stop doing it, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I just wanted to get away…”

My sentence trailed off. Miles was actuallygrinning, that jerk. How dare he smile; we were in the middle of discussing my trauma. “Why are you smiling?”

“Jonathonlet you watch wrestling?” he asked. “Did Abigail know?”

“What?” What in the world was this idiocy? Out of my confession,thiswas what he latched on to? “No! She would have murdered him. It was our father/daughter bonding time.”

His grin grew wider. “There’s hope yet,” he said, although I didn’t see any sort of hope from my statement. “I never knew he had the balls.”

What did this have to do with anything I said? I pulled at his shirt. Ideally, I would have liked to shake some sense in him, but he remained unmoved.

Sometimes I wanted to throttle this boy. He needed to focus. “But—”

“Finn’s been rebelling in his own way too, setting you up withCall of Duty,” Miles continued, not knowing that he was already on thin ice. “It was a good way for him to encourage your interest without exposing you to real-life violence. What did Kieran teach you to fight with?”

The sudden change of topic took a moment to register, but when it did my annoyance faded. He was going somewhere with this. “A katana.”

“Oh man.” His eyes sparkled and his tone had turned positively gleeful as he untwisted my hands from his shirt. “Bryce is going to lose his mind.”

“Why?” I pushed my fists to my chest, curious now. Was there something wrong with the katana?

Even more importantly, how were we going to use this to annoy Bryce?

“You’refae, Bianca,” Miles answered. “And afemale. It won’t matter that you’re Mu—in their culture, women do not touch weapons. Everyone might have overlooked you fighting while being controlled by Mu—that’s unavoidable. But if you used a weapon of your own accord… Kieran defied tradition in order to teach you—”

“It wasn’t his idea,” I broke in. A sense of dread had turned my blood to ice, but I couldn’t let anyone—not even Miles—sully his memory. “He was told to do it, but he didn’t want to.”

The humor fled from Miles’s expression. “Who told him to teach you?”

“Never mind,” I grumbled.

His voice turned more urgent, and he bent toward me. “Was there someone else living with you two?”

“I already told you I had a mother.” I pushed away from him, moving to my feet. “Who cares? I killed people. Aren’t you concerned about that?”

Miles grimaced. “Well…”