Page 144 of Balance

“And who cares who was in charge?” I argued, crossing my arms. The darkness had almost completely faded, and the brisk wind stirred the leaves at my feet. “It doesn’t change anything; I still have nightmares about what happened.”

Miles grabbed my hand. Even though his expression was slightly panicked, his touch seemed to settle the storm swirling inside. “You did nothing wrong, mon rêve.” His thumb moved over my knuckles and his focus dropped between us. “And, for the record, I’m glad you did it. If you hadn’t, they would have killed you first—”

“I could have gotten away,” I protested. I couldn’t take the guilt anymore—everyone thought I was good when I simply wasn’t. “I knew how to break the spell. It doesn’t make any sense; I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t. I just remember being concerned about you… but I called you Tu, and—”

“Stop.” Miles pressed his finger to my lips, cutting off my stumbling explanation. “There’s three things you need to know, and I want you to listen.” His voice had taken on a deeper, dominating quality that caused my spiraling emotions to steady. His rugged expression was a steady anchor. “There’s something you need to know about me: I abhor violence outside the usual turn of phrase, and usually only respond to the vilest of transgressions. That being said, I can lose my temper on occasion and, generally, regret my reaction.”

Like when he fought his classmates on the soccer field? What happened there?

I grabbed his hand, moving to speak, but he shook his head. “I’m not done. I’ve killed peoplein this life, as well as many of my other lives, so I have no problem doing what needs to be done. I would havedestroyedthose witches if I’d gotten to them first.

“When we found out that you had been taken…” He pulled me to him, holding me tight against his chest. “Bianca, I only needed you to be safe. I don’t care that you’ve killed them. If you hadn’t, then one of us would have done it anyway.” One of his large hands spanned across my lower back and he sucked in a breath. “If youeverdo something that makes you uncomfortable in order to sparemeagain, I will be very angry. I’ve said this before, and I’m saying it again: Youneedto stop trying toprotectme, and you definitely need to stop telling me what to do.”

My heart was pounding, and my face grew warm. “I’m not—”

“Yes, it’s your first instinct, as my controller, to keep me safe.” Miles ignored my weak protest. “That’s normal. It’s because, in the cycle, you exist to keep my power in balance. However, I amnotweaker than you, in the same way that Titus isn’t stronger than you.”

Well, Miles was sadly mistaken about that.

“A higher-level witch can force a lower level fae to give in, just like a strong fae can defeat a shifter of lesser power,” Miles continued. “You and I areequals, and opposites. You can force my power to submit to yours, but I am not yours to command.”

My throat closed, and the world swayed around me as I glanced up at him. This was humiliating. The boys had said to act natural, so why was it my fault that Milesnaturallyrequired my assistance? “I never meant… Do I annoy you when I tell you what to do?”

“I…” His stoic expression fell, his face turned red, and for the first time since this conversation began, he couldn’t hold my gaze. “I don’t mind itsometimes,” he muttered. “It depends on the situation.”

“What situations?” This was important, I needed to know when it was acceptable to boss Miles around.

Miles shook his head, his pink cheeks returning to normal as he dodged my question. “The second thing is this, you’ve never been a part of fae culture, so you wouldn’t understand their politics.” He held my hands with both of his, square jaw firm. “They are going to have a harder time stopping you from training, if that’s what you want.”

“Can they even stop me?” I thought that I could do whatever I wanted.

“Fae are weird.” Miles shrugged, an apology in his gaze. “No offense, but they’re soold fashioned. They would have tried saying you wouldn’t be able to handle a sword.” At my blank stare he sighed, shoulders slumping. “Because you’re agirl.”

That wasliterallythe dumbest thing I’d ever heard—I’d stabbed one of David Cole’s cronies through the guts, hadn’t I?

Miles’s mouth lifted. “Don’t judge them too harshly.” Somehow, he found humor in this blatant sexism. “They have their reasons to be protective over their females.”

“Why?”

“Actually, I don’t know the details. I just know what I’ve seen.”

Yes, and it was probably something stupid and seeped in superstition.

“But if it makes you feel any better,” Miles said. “I heard your mother knew how to fight.”

My breath caught—that did make me feel better.

“What’s the last thing?” I asked, my voice weaker than I expected as my head spun. This whole conversation had been a bizarre mixture of somewhat uplifting news and being chastised. I wasn’t even sure how to feel at this point.

“What?” Miles raised his eyebrow, cocking his head curiously.

“You said there were three things you wanted to tell me,” I pointed out. “What is the third?”

“Oh.” His features turned grim, and the surrounding area seemed to darken slightly. Even the temperature, which had been slowly beginning to warm along with the rising of the autumn sun, seemed to drop. “I want to elaborate on what we’ve said before—about everyone having a darker side to their abilities.”

“I don’t remember…” I frowned. I wouldn’t have forgotten something like that.

“Before—when Julian was telling us about the unknown aspects of his skills,” Miles replied. “and then he not-so-discreetly suggested that I might be doing things I shouldn’t—”