Page 133 of Balance

And I had no idea how to help Miles.

The fire flickered low, also barely holding on to its life. It would have to be fed soon, otherwise it would also die. I could do it, of course, but where had the time gone?

Where was Miles?

“Kathleen?” My throat was closing, trapping my rising scream. Normally people didn’t want a ghost to haunt them; but right now, that was what I needed. “Where are you? You can come out now.”

But she didn’t come back.

This was wrong. The boys told me that if I called a spirit, they were supposed to come. So why wasn’t Kathleen listening?

Was I not waiting long enough? How much timewas‘long enough’ before a newly departed manifested as a ghost?

What was I supposed to do now?

“Bianca?” Miles’s wary tone broke through the darkness, and the door creaked open, bringing a fresh wave of cold night air into the space. “Kathleen? Why is the fire out?” he asked, shuffling through the room. “Why are…”

His words trailed off, and I knew he’d spotted the bed.

Even though it felt like an eternity, it had only been a short time since Kathleen had taken her last breath. I’d had the foresight to straighten her limbs at least, and to pull the sheet over her, before making my way across the cabin and taking up my vigil against the wall. And there I remained, curled into myself, knees to eyes, and my arms wrapped around my legs.

No matter how much I called her, Kathleen had never come back.

Miles knelt in front of me, and his warmth seemed to surround me, threatening to chase away the comforting numbness. It wouldn’t matter, he couldn’t fix it—the chill had settled deep into my bones. It was present so deeply that it caused my joints to ache. “Bianca. How long?” he asked. “I wasn’t gone for more than an hour.”

“She knew it was going to happen,” I said through numb lips, watching him through the tangled cloak of my hair, and I shivered even as he wrapped a quilt around my shoulders. “That’s why she sent you away. She wanted me alone.”

He cursed in French again, but this time the elegant words failed to cause my breath to catch.

“Was it…” he began, hesitating slightly before continuing, hands lingering a few inches from my shoulders. “Did she say something bad?”

“She cursed.” How dare she put me in this position? Why hadn’t she come back? I would have asked her for some better parting words. “She said stuff about destiny that made no sense. Then died.”

Miles’s square jaw locked, and he frowned as his eyebrows drew together in befuddlement. “That’s it?”

I lifted my head, my voice slightly stronger. “What else would it be?”

“She was a proxy.” Miles turned his contemplative gaze across the room. “Usually they’re full of wisdom. From the way she was going on, I thought she might have a message from Mu.”

“She didn’t mention him.” I touched my forehead to my knees again. “She talked about Michael.”

She did call someone afucking bastard, although I had no idea whom she was referring to. It was a possibility… She did know of Mu. She’d seen him before, and I longed to call Mu such things deep within the privacy of my own thoughts. Such words described him perfectly.

So maybe that’s who she was talking about.

Yet, I couldn’t stop the nagging feeling that, this time, it wasn’t my past life.

“I want to bury her here,” Miles said, still gazing in Kathleen’s direction. “Do you mind?”

I shook my head, my heart pounding as my hesitance swelled. Asking this was an admission of my lack of knowledge, but still, I wondered. “She hasn’t come back yet,” I whispered, unable to look in her direction. “I called for her, but she never came back. Why not?”

Miles’s lips thinned, and he returned his gaze to me. His fingers brushed against my cheek and his voice was serious as he replied. “Spirits should come to you when you summon them,” he said, repeating what I’d already known. “And it shouldn’t require a lot of effort on your part, you only need to know their name. There are only two reasons why she wouldn’t respond.”

“What are those?” I tilted my head, huddling deeper under the blanket.

He paused briefly before he answered, dropping the useless herbs to the floor beside me. He smelled of sage now, and basil. “Not everyone becomes a ghost after they die. Some people move on right away. Your role is only to the spirits who remain on this realm.”

“She said I wasn’t ready to talk to heryet,” I argued, my heart not set at ease by his words. “Why would she say that?”