Page 70 of Ashes of Us

A quick stop later, where they were able to use the restrooms and find some brochures about the area they were headed to as they did a quick walk through of the visitor’s center to see if there was somewhere to get coffee.

Unfortunately, Emilia was indeed out of luck, but there were vending machines in a nearby building, so they were all able to get a drink before they got back on the road again, this time with Danica driving with Emilia, who looked visibly upset the minute they got back on the road, prompting Danica to ask if she was okay.

Emilia glanced at her and lifted her shoulder in a shrug.

“I called Xavier while we were driving, just hoping to talk, and the whole conversation was centred around the kids.

I asked if we could not talk about the kids for a minute, and we just..

. stopped talking and sat there silently for like fifteen minutes before I finally said, 'never mind' and disconnected.”

Danica looked at her sadly, trying to figure out what to say to make her feel better, when something her and Jasper's couple’s therapist said to them came to her.

“When Jasper and I decided to work on things and started seeing our therapists and couple’s therapist, he got very frustrated that things weren't going back to normal as quickly as he wanted them to.” She said slowly, not wanting to make things about her and Jasper, but needing to explain the context of what she was about to say.

“Dr. Rowan explained that while it was our argument that brought all the issues to light, the cracks didn't happen all at once; they were the result of a bunch of little things that had eroded the foundation of us as a couple over time.

Therefore, it wasn't something that was going to be fixed with a few apologies, gestures and therapy appointments; it was going to take time, effort and work.

Similarly, the distance between you and Xavier didn't just happen when Gracie was born; it happened slowly over the last four years.

It's probably going to take time, energy and effort from both of you to get back to the way you were.”

Emilia nodded and sighed, running her hand through her hair.

“You're probably right, and I need to have some patience with him.” She leaned over, and her hand hovered above the volume knob for the radio for a second before she dropped it without changing it.

“When everything came out about Jasper, I started to suspect Xavier was cheating on me, and I did something awful.” She mumbled, looking ashamed.

“I was considering hiring Mave to follow him, but when I spoke to him about it, he asked me if I had any proof, any reason at all for thinking he was cheating, and I couldn't give him one. Xavier goes to work, and he comes home. If he goes somewhere without me, he usually has one or more of the kids with him, and I know they would tell me if Daddy met up with a woman while they were out, Delilah especially, not that he would do something so low as bring the kids to meet his affair partner anyway.”

Danica shrugged. She didn't think that was so bad. “Yeah, okay, you suspected he might be cheating but given what you've said about the distance between you guys, I don't think that asking Mave to follow him is such a bad thing. You never actually hired him.”

“Yeah...” Emilia drew it out and glanced at her.

“Except, I also went through his phone, his laptop, his work laptop, his messages with his co-workers, his social media, everything.

Every message between him and anyone that I knew wasn't family, or that I knew for sure wasn't someone he would be interested in.” The words tumbled out of her very quickly, and Danica would have laughed at her guilty expression if what she admitted to wasn't so serious.

“Emilia!” Danica hissed, unable to believe she had done something so invasive. “That's a huge breach of privacy! Especially his work computer and the messages with his co-workers! He could lose his job if that came out!”

“I know!” Emilia wailed, and Danica saw tears starting to gather in her eyes.

“I know I shouldn't have done that, but it wasn't coming from nowhere, Danica!

I haven't been silently stewing on this; I've told him multiple times that I don't feel like his wife, but more like a friend, and not even a close one!

He shrugs me off and says it's not that bad or that all couples go through this after having kids, but I don't want to be married if this is what it's going to be! I want a husband, not a roommate!”

“Pull over,” Danica muttered, getting nervous about how emotional Emilia was getting and the fact that she was driving while actively in tears.

“Let me drive.” Nodding and sniffing, Emilia pulled over, and they quickly switched places.

When she was behind the wheel and had caught up to Alex and Xavier again, she glanced at Emilia, who was now sobbing softly next to her.

“Since you haven't left him, I'm guessing you didn't find anything?” she asked after a moment.

“Not a damn thing.” She whispered. “Which didn't make things better.

If he was cheating, at least there was more to it than just him being comfortable and happy with the way things are, but nope.

He's just fine with us only talking when there's something to do with the kids or house and sleeping together without touching one another.” She folded her arms over her stomach and leaned her head against the window.

“I meant it when I said I don't want to be married if this is what it's going to be.”