Page 36 of Ashes of Us

Danica's head snapped up, and she stared at him wordlessly.

Guilt? He was doing all of this out of a sense of guilt?

He had his back to her, putting away the frozen fruit in the freezer and seemed reluctant to face her.

“You wanna expand on that?” Danica hated pity.

She hated feeling like people were doing things because they felt sorry for her.

If they wanted to help because they cared about her, great, but pity made her blood boil because she was more than capable of handling things on her own.

She knew pity and guilt weren't the same thing, but it was eliciting the same feelings inside her because she felt like he was only helping her to make the guilt go away, not because he cared and wanted to be there for her.

“Do you really want me too?” He straightened up, turned, and his empty expression immediately had her debating on throwing the smoothie in his face and walking out.

“Yes.” Her voice was slightly incredulous as she folded her arms in front of her, pushing the smoothie out of the way. She was giving him one chance to explain, she decided, but if she didn't like it, he was going to end up wet and sticky while she called an Uber and went home.

He sighed and ran his hand through his black curls, something she had come to recognize as a nervous gesture when he felt like he was put on the spot.

“I saw you as the enemy for a long time.

You came along, and suddenly my parents had the doting daughter they always wanted.

It didn't really bother me much at first. Mom was always taking someone under her wing, but you just... stayed. The rest were around for a few months, maybe a year, but then they would change jobs or move or whatever, but not you.” He finally met her eyes, and she could see the familiar resentment in them, but also a hint of curiosity.

“When Mom had her first stroke and I came home to help out, it really struck me how involved you were. Dad turned to you for everything, not me. You were the one handling her care, and the only thing Dad asked me to do was to step in as interim CEO for two months.” He rolled his eyes, and Danica realized his resentment wasn't directed at her, or at least most of it wasn’t, it was directed at his parents.

“And then I was told to go back to London, like I was encroaching on their life and wasn't welcome or needed because they had you.”

“And for the record, I wasn't the one who came up with the idea that you were having an affair with Dad; that was Craig.” He paused, rubbing the back of his neck ruefully.

“But I did latch onto it and definitely believed it longer than he did.

He dropped it as soon as Dad lost his temper when I brought it up, but I couldn't understand why Dad was so willing to trust you so much and was pushing me aside in favour of you.” He walked around the island and sat next to her, pushing the smoothie back in front of her.

Danica took another sip, trying to come up with a response, wanting to explain herself, but he kept talking.

“I never wanted to go to London, never wanted to leave Boston, but I did because Dad wanted me to experience being in charge and making decisions.

He didn't want me to take over the hotel chain and have it put down to nepotism, because that's what happened when he inherited it. He wanted me to have a proven track record before I took everything over.” Alex glanced at her briefly, then focused back on the far wall.

“But he kept moving the goalposts. First, he was going to retire at sixty, which meant I would have been in London “learning the ropes” for four years.

Then he changed his mind and decided on sixty-five.

I wasn't exactly happy, but I also didn't mind too much because I had started seeing Heidi at that point, so while I was homesick, I was also falling in love and saw it as a sign to pursue my relationship with her.”

He let out a bitter snort and leaned back in the chair as he shook his head.

“Heidi and I got married and were planning to move home because Dad insisted he was going to announce his retirement at his sixty-fifth birthday party.

Then, three weeks before, he informed me that he had changed his mind, he wasn't ready to retire yet and announced he had hired you as his executive assistant.

I didn't bother coming home for his birthday party that year; I was too angry. The amount of work and logistics Heidi and I went through, trying to get her a green card, packing, putting our house on the market, was all for nothing because Dad changed his mind.”

Danica winced. As she heard more of Alex's side, she really couldn't blame him for thinking she was sleeping with Alexander, because he had hired her as his executive assistant three weeks before his sixty-fifth birthday party. It now sounded like he had postponed his retirement because of her.

“Your father never told anyone he was planning to retire at sixty-five.” She said quietly. “Not even your mother. I don't know if he was going to make a surprise announcement at the party and changed his mind, but in my opinion, he never intended to.”

“Yeah,” Alex let out a deep sigh. “Everything I've found out since I came back and started going through his files says the same thing. He had no intention of retiring; he was just trying to appease me. From what I managed to piece together from various people, and as you already know, Mom was very worried about what would happen to Craig and made him promise not to cut him out of things. He knew it would be the first thing I did when I took over. According to Veronica, it made him resent everyone. Mom for making him promise, himself for letting her coddle Craig, Craig for being a fuck-up and me for pushing things. Which left you.”

“Believe me, he didn't like it when I overstepped my bounds,” Danica muttered. The way Alexander pushed his sons away after his wife died was suddenly making a lot more sense to her.

Alex chuckled dryly. “No, but you never pushed, and you only overstepped because you cared about him. He knew that and loved you for it, trust me.” He smiled at her briefly, then stretched and looked up at the ceiling.

“So, yeah, I feel guilty and want to make up for my mistake, because I made you the enemy in my head and you aren't, at all.

You've also proven yourself to be an amazing executive assistant.

You work hard, you take initiative, and you're not afraid to share your opinions and ask for more information to help you understand something better.

When you were planning to leave, you never slacked off or tried to pass your work off to other people.

You stepped up when and where I needed you to after Dad's death, and you didn't complain or make excuses.

If there was an issue with something I wanted you to do, you were upfront about it without being whiny or rude and offered compromises or other solutions.

Even now, with everything you have going on, you aren't playing the victim or rolling over and taking it, you're fighting back and not letting them walk all over you.

You're strong and resilient, and I admire and respect that in a person.”

Danica felt her cheeks heat up as Alex praised her work ethic and admitted that he admired and respected her, a mixture of embarrassment and pride filling her.

“Yeah, well, you're not the asshole I thought you were either.” She deflected, pulling the smoothie closer and lowering her head to take a sip so her hair fell between them and hid her red cheeks. “And you're a good boss.”

“I deserve that and thank you.” Alex chuckled as he stood up. “Make yourself at home, I'm just going to check and make sure there are clean sheets on the spare bed and towels in the bathroom.”

Danica looked up, the knot of anxiety in her stomach growing tighter.

“I appreciate it, but I should really go home.

I don't have anything here.” She tried to play off how nervous she was sleeping in his condo as if she wasn't prepared for a sleepover, but she could see he wasn't taking her seriously.

Alex walked down a short hall off the kitchen.

“I've got you covered for tonight, and we'll leave early in the morning so you can change before you have to go to the funeral home.” his voice faded as he disappeared into the room on the left, and then he poked his head back out.

“Or is there another reason you're fighting me on this?”

Danica fidgeted as he called her out. She knew the anxiety was rooted in a baseless fear of someone seeing her, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she needed to go home.

“I just...” She sighed and turned to face him.

“Don't laugh, but I have this feeling that I should go home. Like my brain is freaking out and my stomach is in knots about it.” Alex frowned, and she thought she saw a flash of hurt for a second, but it was gone before she could confirm it.

“Am I making you nervous?” He asked after a moment of silence.

“No!” She shook her head emphatically. “It's not you at all, I know you'd never try something, and to be perfectly honest, I could put you on your ass if I needed to.” She tried to smile reassuringly, but her anxiety was building to the point that she was starting to feel the tightness in her chest again. “I'm afraid someone will see me here.”

Alex seemed to relax a little when she assured him it wasn't about trusting him to be a gentleman, but it was clear he still didn't understand. “See you here? How? We're on the twentieth floor.”

“Look, I can't explain it, but I know spending the night here will bite me in the ass at some point.” Danica tried to explain again. She didn't want to insult him or seem ungrateful, but she was soon going to leave.

“Do you think your in-laws followed you here? Because I was getting serious side-eye while they waited for their lawyer.” He turned and walked into the other room as he spoke. “Give me a second to change out of my suit, and I'll take you back to the hotel for your car.”

Danica almost sagged in relief when he said he'd take her back.

“I don't know if they followed me here or not, but the judge told them to give him evidence that Jasper wanted the child, and they knew we were having issues and were working on our marriage.

Spending the night here after taking Jasper off life support this evening would be terrible optics, and I hired a PI, who's to say they didn't?”

“True.” Alex came back out, dressed in a pair of khaki shorts and a black t-shirt. “Take the smoothie with you and let's go.”