Page 35 of Ashes of Us

Danica wasn't one hundred percent sure about where Alex was taking her, but she couldn't bring herself to ask either.

She knew he wasn't taking her home or to the hotel because they had gone in the opposite direction of both, and as soon as she settled into the passenger seat of his Jeep and he started driving, she had completely shut down and was now staring blankly at the dashboard.

At first, she was trying to untangle her thoughts and feelings about everything, but it had proven overwhelming for her very quickly, and now she just felt frozen.

She could see Alex glancing at her occasionally out of the corner of her eye, but he didn't try to make her talk or offer “thoughts and prayers or any of the usual things people said at times like this, and she was pretty sure she knew why.

His mother was very well-known in the community, serving on several boards for charities that worked with children and assisting with events and fundraising.

She was also very active, attending city council meetings, raising issues when she saw them, and never backing down from an injustice once she was involved.

Her memorial and funeral were both packed with people from all walks of life.

At one point, Danica had been walking back from the bathroom and overheard Alex complaining loudly to Kieran about the things people were saying to him, especially taking offense to “she's in a better place now.” and “at least her suffering is over.” which Danica had to admit she understood because Cassandra had been terrified of dying.

She didn't want to leave her husband and sons behind, and despite being told her issues following her stroke were permanent, she had insisted that Alexander hire occupational and physical therapists to help her get back to normal because she wanted to live.

Hearing she was in a better place when she didn't want to leave or that she wasn't suffering anymore, when she was handling things to the best of her ability, felt disrespectful to her.

Danica knew people said those things because they didn't know what else to say, but she would rather not hear it.

She didn't want to be a widow at thirty-three, and Jasper didn't deserve to have his life stolen from him.

She knew it was irrational, but she couldn't help the feelings of resentment she felt toward Jimmy for wanting to get his dick wet and putting that over Jasper's valid concerns about not wanting to be around Lucy.

If he hadn't left them alone, none of this would be happening now.

Mostly, though, she was angry at Lucy for inserting herself into their lives and at Amy for going along with Lucy to have a slim chance at getting a do-over baby.

She sincerely hoped that if the judge somehow ended up ruling in Amy and Lucy's favour, and they were able to use the sperm Dr. Whalen extracted to impregnate her, the baby would end up being a girl.

Amy didn't like little girls, she thought they were much harder to raise then boys and Jasper had actually expressed concern when she got pregnant both times about how he felt his mom would react if they were having a girl, and about what would happen if they had a second child and it was a boy because, “She would absolutely favour the boy over the girl.” Which hadn't sat well with Danica at all and led her to respond: “We better have all girls then.” She remembered how he'd laughed as he hugged her to his chest, kissed the top of her head and told her he'd “love a dozen mini Danicas running around.”

The jeep slowed and made a turn into an artificially lit area, and Danica looked up in surprise, frowning as she saw they were in an unfamiliar parking garage. “Where are we?” she asked as he parked and shut off the jeep.

“My place.” He unbuckled his seatbelt and opened his door. “Come on.”

Danica fumbled with her seatbelt, her fingers strangely numb, as her brain struggled to catch up. “Why are we here?”

Alex shut his door and walked around the jeep, opening her door and holding it as he waited for her.

“Because I knew you wouldn't want to go to the hotel or home, and as much as I don't mind driving aimlessly around Boston on a sunny afternoon, it's after seven, you haven't eaten anything all day, and you look like you're about to collapse.” He gestured for her to get out of the Jeep.

“I don't want that on my conscience, so I'll keep you where I can see you.”

Danica reluctantly slid out of the Jeep and stood awkwardly beside him while he shut the door.

“I don't think this is a good idea,” she mumbled, following him slowly as he walked toward the elevator.

She was suddenly feeling very exposed and worried about someone seeing her here, although she couldn't think of anyone she knew who lived in this part of the city, let alone in this condo building.

No one in her life could afford a place within a five-mile radius of Alex's condo building, and almost all of Jasper's extended family lived in East Boston, so the chances of anyone actually seeing her were astronomically low, but that knowledge wasn't making the knot of anxiety in her stomach go away.

“I don't really care,” Alex said shortly, ushering her onto the elevator. “I have a spare room with its own bathroom and TV. After I get some food in you, you're welcome to hide in there and not interact with me at all.”

Danica didn't know how to respond to that at all, somehow feeling grateful, hurt and irritated by his dismissal of her concerns and the fact that she was “welcome” to ignore him after he fed her.

“I'm not hungry.” She knew she sounded like a grumpy child, but she couldn't help it.

“I just watched a doctor cut open my husband's testicles and root around in them.” Alex's face paled somewhat when she spoke about the micro-TESE procedure, and she felt a weird sort of victory as he visibly winced, and his hand unconsciously moved to cover his own family jewels protectively.

“You still need to eat something.” He cleared his throat and pushed the button for the twentieth floor.

“You've probably lost fifteen pounds or more since we came back from Austin.” Danica sighed.

As much as she didn't want to admit it, he was right.

She didn't know how much weight she had lost since she didn't own a scale, but all her clothes were loose on her, and she had moved up two holes on her belts.

“Just trust me and take some space from everything, Dani.” His voice was now quieter and gentler.

“I'd even go so far as to suggest taking some vacation time, let Maverick do what he's good at and try to relax before you have to go back to court, if that's something you're capable of.”

“It's not,” Danica muttered. She only took her vacations before because Jasper insisted on going on the yearly family cabin trip in the Mount Washington State Forest in August. The idea of sitting around somewhere with nothing else to focus on but her husband's death and his possible infidelity made her skin crawl.

“I didn't think so.” Alex shook his head, looking both annoyed and amused by her response, led her out of the elevator and down the hall to the last door on the left.

Danica shifted on the balls of her feet uncomfortably as she watched him unlock the door.

Everything about this place was making her feel like she didn't belong here at all.

It was clearly designed to be modern, with a white, black and chrome theme in the common areas, but it had the sort of understated elegance that could only be afforded by people with large investment portfolios.

He opened the door and gestured for her to go inside.

After a moment of indecision, where she almost told him she wanted to go home, Danica stepped in and let out a surprised laugh.

Alex's office was designed to be like the common areas of his condo building, modern with a monochromatic colour scheme and no personal touches anywhere, completely fitting his personality, and she had assumed his place would be the same.

Boy, was she wrong. When she walked in, she was directly in the main living area with a dining table and kitchen to the left and the living room area to the right.

The walls were white, but the ceiling featured rectangular recessed parts painted navy blue, with white beams separating them.

The floors were a light blonde wood. The round pillars that served as the dividing points for the space were the same navy blue as the ceiling, along with the accent wall in the living room, which featured a built-in gas fireplace.

But the real shock was the furniture. It had an almost 70's futuristic style to it, the couch was long, curved, with no hard angles or corners and cream coloured, with light teal and orange accent pillows, the coffee table was three round tables that were staggered in both height and placement, across from the couch were two chairs that were rounded and in a deep burnt orange colour, and in the corner behind the couch was a large green bamboo plant.

Over the fireplace was a horizontal picture of Paris, which Danica was sure was actually a TV.

Floor-to-ceiling windows lined the outer wall, offering a fantastic view of the Boston skyline, which she was surprised about, as she had figured he would have wanted a spot that overlooked the harbour.

The dining table was round and had four chairs with a navy and orange pattern.

The kitchen featured grey marble countertops and backsplashes, stainless steel appliances, and white cabinets.

Alex walked past her, throwing his suit jacket on the back of one of the living room chairs.

He didn't comment on her laugh, just walked straight into the kitchen and began pulling bags of frozen fruit and milk out of the fridge.

Not one hundred percent sure what to do, Danica followed him and sat gingerly on one of the barstools in front of the island, watching as he pressed on one of the cupboards and it opened, revealing his smaller appliances.

He pulled out a blender and plugged it in, then turned, raising his eyebrow when he saw her sitting like she was afraid the chair would break.

“Do you have a preference for your smoothies?” He asked, obviously choosing not to comment on her clear discomfort, instead turning and opening what looked like the pantry and pulling out a tub of protein powder.

“Smoothies?” Danica really wasn't sure about what was happening here. He was actually going to make her something? She figured he would have just ordered food in.

“If you don't want actual food, a smoothie will at least fill you up and is more like a drink.” He explained as he measured the protein powder in the scoop and tossed it into the blender. “You can also take your time and sip on it throughout the evening.”

“Oh.” Danica felt her body relax a little, not necessarily surprised he was being kind and considerate to her about the food thing, because if anything had come out of all of this, she now knew Alex wasn't a complete asshole, he had a soft, caring side that he kept well-hidden from most people.

“Thank you.” She glanced at the bags of frozen fruit and then pushed a tropical melody one towards him.

He nodded and opened it, adding the fruit to the blender along with some milk.

“Can I ask you a personal question?” She asked after he finished blending everything together.

“I may not answer it but go ahead.” He murmured, filling a glass with the smoothie, then adding a straw and pushing it toward her.

“Okay,” Danica nodded and took the glass, holding it in both hands in front of her.

That was fair; he didn't owe her answers.

“So, don't take this as me being ungrateful or anything, but why are you doing all this for me?

You don't owe me anything, you're my boss, not my friend.” She watched as he rinsed the blender, put it in the dishwasher and began putting everything else away.

He was quiet for so long that she figured he wasn't going to answer and, once again feeling awkward, looked down and took a sip of her smoothie.

“I don't know. Guilt, I guess?”