Page 9 of Agony of Our Regret (Sorcerer’s Society #11)

NINE

The plea in Vince’s eyes nearly undid me. “I’m starting to think the worst. What’s going on?”

It was one thing to keep my news from them until I was ready, but another to make them panic. It wasn’t fair, but it also wasn’t fair to rush me into telling.

Nothing about this pregnancy had gone how I wanted or expected. It wasn’t planned. Telling the parents wasn’t planned. The guys showing up now wasn’t planned.

Who was I fooling, thinking I could change that now?

“Shit. There is something,” Sky whispered.

I nodded.

“How bad?” Noah asked, matching Sky’s volume.

“It’s not…” I sighed and looked at Luca. He smiled at me, and I turned to Gavin. His jaw was tense, but he nodded once. “It’s not bad.”

“But I was right. You are sick.”

“I’m not––”

“Stop!” Sky threw up his arms. “You can’t keep lying to us.”

Gavin straightened. “Don’t yell at her.”

Sky backed off. “I’m sorry, Sweets. We just want to know what’s going on.”

I waited a moment for everyone to take a breath. “I was going to say I’m not sick.”

“We just watched you throw up,” Noah helpfully reminded me.

“We know something’s going on,” Vince agreed.

“Will you let her finish one sentence? Damn!” Luca pressed against me.

I swallowed and waited for them to calm down. Again.

When all eyes were on me, I finally caved.

“I’m pregnant.”

The silence I’d craved finally descended.

Emotions washed over their faces faster than I could count. Confusion. Anger. Disappointment. Excitement. Relief. Then they seemed to land back on confusion.

“Who’s?” Sky finally broke the silence.

“It doesn’t matter,” Luca answered.

“It really fucking does,” Noah snapped.

I put up my hand. “No, it doesn’t. Luca, Gavin, and I are going to raise the baby without knowing who the biological father is. That doesn’t matter to us.”

Vince sighed. “So it’s one of theirs?”

“Not necessarily.” Gavin dragged out the word.

“What does that mean?” Noah narrowed his eyes.

Since arriving in Arlington Park, we’d had hundreds of uncomfortable conversations, but none as bad as this one. I pictured this day happening years from now with all of us together, not just in the same room, but in a relationship. We’d be trying to start a family, and this would be exciting news we couldn’t wait to hear. We’d announce it with celebration and happy tears.

I wanted that for my baby, but that wasn’t what life had planned.

“Based on my measurements and last period and everything, it could be any of you.”

I tried to focus on all three of them, but it was impossible to ignore the huge grin tugging at Vince’s lips. At the same time, Noah’s shoulders dropped. I looked at Sky, and he shook his head, silent.

“So, I might be the dad?” Noah asked. “And you didn’t tell me?”

“Or me?” Sky frowned.

“Why?” Vince added on.

Luca pulled me impossibly closer to his side. “You three abandoned her. She went to see each of you, and yet she came home alone.” He let that sink in before continuing. “Vince, you haven’t called since she got back. Only texts.”

He paused and glared at the others.

“You two have been in and out of service and off on your own adventures, acting like you have no responsibilities or cares. Why would she think she could rely on you?”

I hadn’t said any of that to him, but he’d picked up on the truth of the situation.

“She should have told––”

Gavin cut off Vince. “She doesn’t owe any of you anything. Luca and I are stepping up. Not because we feel obligated. We’re here because it’s what we want .”

My heart swelled at his declaration. I knew it, but hearing it right now was perfect.

“How far along?” Sky asked.

“Thirteen weeks,” Luca answered, proving he was involved and informed.

“And you’ve been sick?” Sky stared me down.

“Only since the accident. It seemed to flip a switch, finding out. I was just fine until then.”

“So, you’ve known for three weeks?” Noah clarified.

“Yeah, it still doesn’t quite feel real,” I admitted.

“I thought you were on the pill.” Vince rubbed the back of his head.

“I was. I took it every day when the alarm on my phone reminded me, but when I was traveling around, I didn’t adjust it to always be twenty-four hours apart. Since my birth control was pretty sensitive, that was enough to make it less effective.”

“Shit.” Noah blew out a breath. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” Gavin questioned.

“I'm sorry I wasn’t here when you found out. Or when you’ve been sick. I’m sorry I missed out on so much. Not just this, but so much of your life.”

I wasn’t sure what to say. They were pretty words offered in a highly emotional moment. He might not mean them, not in the way I wanted him to.

“I stayed too long,” Sky admitted. “It should have only been a couple of weeks.”

I didn’t argue.

“That’s on me.” Noah’s frown deepened. “I wanted to show him so much, but we’ve been talking a lot. I realize not everything has to happen now. We can always go back. You and I can go back.”

“Not with a baby, idiot.” Sky smacked his shoulder.

“I’m not saying in the next year, but in time. We can go. I can show you my favorite places, and we can discover new ones together.”

I’d love that, but I wasn’t ready to believe him.

Vince had been too quiet. I slowly met my eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” His voice broke, and he blinked once before tears streamed down his cheeks. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

He shifted toward me, and I stepped out of Luca’s arms to wrap mine around Vince’s waist. Despite his size, it felt like I was holding him. I moved us to the foot of the bed and sat next to him, holding him and letting him cry.

Gavin’s expression went blank watching us. Luca stared at Vince, but he seemed almost relieved.

It took several minutes for Vince to let it out and then compose himself. He lifted his head from my chest and wiped his face. He looked around at the guys and said it again. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“We all are,” Gavin told him.

“I fucked up so bad.” Vince sounded desperate. “I was so lost in myself, my hurt and anger that I forgot who and what I am. I let those emotions control my life and decisions. I thought pulling away and creating a new life would make me happy, but I’ve been miserable these past few years.”

He faced me, eyes and voice intense as strong as he was now. .

“I want to come home, babe. I want my family back.”

I sniffed, fighting to keep from crying and unable to speak.

“Am I too late?”

My head and heart were at war. My heart begged to let him back in, but my head screamed to protect myself.

“No,” I said simply.

His brows lifted. “You can forgive me?”

“I already have.” I reached up and ran my thumb under his eye to wipe away the tears, then cupped his cheek. “But I’m not ready to let you, or you guys,” I began, glancing at Sky and Noah, “back in. Not yet.”

“What does that mean?” Sky moved until he was kneeling in front of me. “Sweets, please. I love you.”

I smiled and closed my eyes, absorbing his words before I responded. “I love you too, but you three also hurt me. I know why you stayed with Noah, but days turned into weeks, then months. I’m not sure you would have come back anytime soon if your parents hadn’t asked.”

“Which is why you didn’t tell us?” Noah asked.

I lifted my gaze to his and nodded. “I didn’t want any of you to feel obligated. I didn’t want you here because you felt like you had to. I needed it to be your choice. I still do. If you don’t want to be here for me and the guys, then don’t stay. Please. Go back to your lives as soon as it's safe. The three of us can more than provide for the baby.”

“But I want to be here,” Sky pleaded. “I need you. I always have.”

Luca stepped to my side. “Then you need to prove it. No more empty words. We won’t accept that. If you want to be in our lives again, live with us, love Avalon, and be a part of this baby’s world, then you need to prove yourselves.”

“Okay,” Sky immediately agreed. “I’ll do whatever you guys need to feel how much I love you all.”

I smiled and took his hand, then glanced at Vince and caught Noah’s heavy stare. “You have a choice. You all do. Always. I don’t want anyone here if it’s not one hundred percent what you want. Whatever you decide, I’ll accept and respect. We can leave things on good terms. Stay in touch even if you want to return to your lives when things with the AS are resolved. What I don’t want is for you to stay out of misplaced obligation.”

“I’m––” Vince opened his mouth to speak again, but I stopped him.

“This wasn’t the way I wanted to tell you guys.”

“You weren’t going to tell us,” Noah interrupted.

“I was.” I remained firm. “It’s not something I could hide for long. I just wanted more time to work through my own thoughts and emotions before knowing yours. But even if it hasn’t been that long, Gavin, Luca, and I have had a few weeks to think this over and accept it. I need you three to do the same. Don’t make a snap decision. It’s a huge one that affects more than just us. I have a child’s future to consider. If you don’t want to be around, that’s fine. If you don’t think you can handle it, I understand. The only thing I don’t want is for any of you to make a choice you regret. This baby will not grow up feeling resentment. I don’t want to feel it. And I don’t want you resenting your life years from now. This has to be something you not only want but are ready to live for.”

After several beats of silence, I turned to Luca.

“Can we go home, or would that be rude?”

He gave me a soft smile. “It’s fine. My parents will understand.”

“You can’t leave,” Noah interrupted. “We have things to discuss.”

“Not tonight.” Gavin offered his hand, and I took it, standing and moving around Sky and Vince. “We’ve all been through enough. Like she said, there’s a lot to think about.”

“So, you’re going back to your apartment, and we’re supposed to just go home?” Sky asked.

“You’re welcome to all stay at my house,” I reminded them. “The three of you should spend some time together. Reconnect.”

Vince was the first to agree. “That sounds nice.” He turned to Sky and Noah. “You both in?”

Sky nodded.

Noah sighed. “Yeah. It’s a good idea.”

Luca pulled his keys from his pocket and slid one off the ring. “You can use this to get in. We put a few extra copies in the drawer next to the fridge.”

Vince took it. “Thanks.”

“When can we see you again?” Sky asked me.

“We have work tomorrow.” I hesitated, unsure what else to say. Do I invite them to dinner? Lunch? Hold off until the weekend?

“We’ll probably head into the office too sometime soon,” Noah told him.

“Take a few days. Settle in. Figure out what comes next,” Luca said. “Don’t feel pressured to decide. Take your time.”

He directed the last part straight at Vince, but none of them argued.

I hugged each of them and followed Gavin and Luca downstairs, where we said our goodbyes.

Ducking out and sliding into the passenger side of the car was surreal. I was the one leaving Noah, Sky, and Vince behind. I’d drawn the line and not only managed to tell them the truth, but I remained somewhat in control of the situation. There were no fights. No fists thrown.

I had to call that success, but the feeling that something bad was about to happen hovered on the edges of both my head and my heart.