Page 10 of Agony of Our Regret (Sorcerer’s Society #11)

TEN

Knowing Sky and Noah were likely in the building had me tense all day. I stayed in my office, only venturing out to use the bathroom. All three of the guys texted me last night, some more than others.

Noah checked to make sure we got home safely and to let me know they’d agreed to move in together. Sky told me he missed me and loved me and would give me space, but not for long. Vince only said goodnight.

My work kept me busy enough that I didn’t have time to think about what happened. A report I spent a week putting together disappeared. IT checked the servers, but it was gone, and I had to redo the whole thing, which put me behind our deadline. Beth was annoyed which was nothing new, but Daniel assured me it was fine.

With all that, I hadn’t processed seeing them again—or accepted that they were back and knew about the baby.

Nothing went how I expected.

I should have known better.

My door opened, and Gavin stepped inside. “You ready?”

I closed my laptop and stood as I grabbed my purse. “Yeah. Is Luca coming?”

“No, he has that dinner, remember?”

“Oh, right.”

A mission required his hearing tonight.

We headed downstairs while discussing dinner options.

“We need to learn to cook more three meals,” I teased, as we stepped outside and joined the crowded sidewalk.

“Eggs, spaghetti, and taco salad are excellent choices,” he smirked, as he took my hand.

“Not when they’re on constant rotation. We order Thai and Chinese the most. We should find some recipes.”

“Or ask Miranda to prep more frozen meals for us to reheat.”

I rolled my eyes. “Or ask her to teach us.”

He cringed. “We can’t rely on her forever. Between the three of us, we should be able to figure it out, and we need to think about cutting back on restaurants. It’s expensive, plus a child needs variety. Lemon can’t survive off spaghetti forever.”

“When you put it that way, it’s kind of embarrassing.”

“What did you two do before me?”

Gavin stopped at the last light before our apartment building, and he tapped the steering wheel, thinking. “Lots of pizza. Sandwiches. Grabbing food while we were out.”

I scrunched my nose. “Well, we need to eat healthier from now on. Maybe throw in a fruit or vegetable every few days.”

He laughed. “That sounds fair.”

We circled back to work talk for the rest of the drive, and he explained a coding project he was working on to gather data from somewhere to feed into something. The complexities went over my head, but I listened carefully. His excitement grew as we parked and exited the car.

“We weren’t sure the best way to sort through what was coming in, and when I pitched my idea, they all agreed!”

I smiled up at my nerd and lifted to kiss his cheek as the elevator doors opened on our floor.He blushed, but his shy grin disappeared when we stepped off. I turned to see what was wrong and found Vince waiting in front of our apartment with grocery bags in his hands.

“What are you doing here?” Gavin asked.

Vince’s gaze dropped to me for a second before he answered, lifting the bags. “I asked my mom about morning sickness and what helped her most. I wanted to bring them over.”

“You didn’t need to do that.” Gavin shoved him aside enough to put in his key and unlock our door. “Or you could have dropped off the bags. You didn’t need to wait.”

“I wasn’t going to just leave them here. What if they got stolen?” Vince argued, as he followed Gavin inside.

I waited in the hall, debating what to do.

I asked for space, and he showed up.

I more than respected his wishes, but he disregarded mine. I set a boundary, and he blew past it.

How did I feel about that?

“Ave?” Gavin called.

I went in finally and shut the door behind me, but stood against the wall.

I should tell him to go.

But this was him trying.

He asked his mom for advice. Confided in her and acted on what she said. That was big for him. He was making an effort. He was trying to help.

Should I punish him for that?

No, but he didn’t listen to me. Respect my wishes.

But did I really want them to stay away?

I shouldn’t let them back into my life so easily.

Especially, not him.

He was the only one who hadn’t said what his plans were. He wasn’t set on staying.

But he didn’t say he was going back to Idaho either.

More emotional warfare.

“Ave?” Gavin came to stand in front of me now. “You okay?”

I looked past him to Vince, who frowned as he watched me.

This was his olive branch. Did I accept or snap it in half?

Shit.

I drew in a slow breath. I was freaking out, but this was Vince. He wasn’t a stranger, even if it felt like it at times. He’d been mine. I loved him.

Still did, if I was completely honest. It wasn’t possible to stop the feelings I had for all five of my guys. I’d love them until my dying day and beyond.

I put a hand over where our baby grew. Nothing about them coming back had been according to plan, but they were here now. Even though it took an outside force to get them here, they were trying now that they were.

Should I keep punishing them just because it wasn’t the way I wanted things to happen?

Proceed with caution. That was the safest option. I didn’t need to kick him out, but I didn’t need to let him back in either.

“What did you bring?” I glanced over, not moving.

“Oh.” Vince paused, fumbling with the bags, then turned and started pulling things out. “My mom said most women feel better with crackers and either Sprite or Ginger Ale, but I figured you already knew that. She recommended ginger.” He waved a small container. “And she found these lollipops. Whatever’s in them helps with nausea, and you can keep a few on you.”

I walked over and read the back of the package. They were citrus-flavored but had ginger listed as an ingredient.He pulled out a box of squeezable pouches that reminded me of baby food.

“She said applesauce is easy to keep down, too, so I grabbed some. And the last thing was staying hydrated, so I got this.” He pulled out a purple water bottle with markings along the side. “It has times listed, so you know how much you should drink throughout the day.”

I had something similar but didn’t tell him. This was about him making an effort and finding solutions for me. He not only asked, but followed through and brought them over himself.

I put my hand on his forearm. “Thank you.”

A small smile tugged at his lips, a fraction of the wide, goofy one I adored. “I hope it helps. At least a little.”

I nodded. “I’m sure something will.”

I didn’t tell him I hated applesauce or that I tried ginger at the beginning. Luca and Gavin had done more research than I had, and bringing these over might make it seem like he didn’t think they had. That wasn’t his intent, but they might take it that way.

Gavin maintained his guarded expression on the other side of the kitchen. I smiled at him, hoping he’d go easy on Vince. It wasn’t like all was forgiven, but we had to start somewhere.

I still didn’t know how Vince felt about the guys, especially Gavin, but now wasn’t the time to ask. We needed to rebuild a foundation before I took a sledgehammer to it.

“How are you feeling right now?” Vince asked. “Do you need anything?”

I shook my head. “No, I’m usually okay around this time of day.”

“But last night,” he pointed out.

“The weekends are a little weird. The routine of the workweek makes it easier.” Maybe it was as simple as keeping my mind busy. He nodded.“That makes sense.”

It didn’t, but nothing about pregnancy seemed to.It could all change in a few days.

“Have you guys moved into the house?” Gavin asked. I appreciated that he didn’t call it mine or ours.

“Yeah, this morning before Sky and Noah came in.” He turned to me. “Thanks again for letting us stay there. I think it will be good for the three of us to reconnect and have some space away from our parents.”

“Of course.” I smiled and moved to the couch. They followed, Gavin sitting next to me and Vince taking the armchair.

“So…” Vince hesitated, rubbing his palms over his jeans. “How are you?”

He was looking at me, but Gavin tensed. “How do you think she is?”

I put my hand in his and squeezed. He sighed but stayed silent.

“You’re right. It was a stupid question.” He looked ready to bolt. I didn’t ask him to show up, but now that he had, I didn’t want him to leave. Yet.

“It’s been a lot. Stressful. Terrifying. Amazing. Overwhelming. Thrilling.” I put my free hand over my stomach. “This wasn’t planned, but now I can’t imagine anything else.”

My head buzzed with emotion, and my smile slipped.

“But this doesn’t change anything.”

His brows shot up. “What do you mean? Being pregnant changes everything, babe.”

“No,” I protested. “If you hadn’t known, you’d still be in Boise living your life. If the Society hadn’t called you back, you never would have come.”

I waited for him to refute what I said and tell me he’d planned to come back to me. His gaze stayed locked on the table in front of him.

“I’ve been scared, overwhelmed, and stressed too,” he said, echoing my emotions. “Since you came and saw me, I haven’t stopped thinking about you.” He lifted his eyes to Gavin. “About all of us.”

“And?” Gavin demanded.

Vince’s jaw tensed. “We were apart longer than we were together.”

His words wrapped around my heart and squeezed.

“But I could never forget about you or move on.”

“Yet you stayed away,” Gavin pointed out.

“Yeah, I let my hurt control my actions for far too long,” Vince admitted and stared back. “But I’ve forgiven you.”

Gavin leaned slightly into me.

“It took a few weeks for me to get past my pride and the pain to see that you were right. You all were. Even if I had perfect control over my strength back then, there was no guarantee I wouldn’t have slipped. Any screw up could have meant a life-altering injury for another person. It wasn’t like playing against the supernaturals at Drexel. They had magic and super healing. Humans don’t. But at eighteen, I thought I was a superhero. Invincible. I wanted the glory and validation of making it as an athlete. I needed that to prove to myself and everyone else that I was...”

He trailed off and stared ahead.

“That you were what?” I asked quietly.

He blinked and looked at me. “That I was worthy of love. Of you. Of the guys.” He sucked in a breath and dropped his head back. “That I had something, anything, to contribute to our relationship.”

My chest ached. He had these insecurities back then, but hearing how much they’d taken over was gut-wrenching.

“Accepting that I couldn’t prove myself as an athlete took a long time. Years, actually. I made my world away from you all because I knew you didn’t need me. I had nothing to offer you. I’m not smart. I have no other talents. My body is all I’ve got.”

I stood and went to him. He pulled me in, sitting me on his knees. “I’ve only ever wanted you. Not your strength or speed or ability to throw or catch a ball. Just you.”

“I have nothing to offer you.” He closed his eyes, voice fading.

I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. “I just need you. I don’t need money or things or a professional athlete. I never have. I just need you .”

I’d repeat that as many times as necessary to get him to believe it.

He dropped his head on my shoulder. “I feel like such a loser compared to the others. I’ve screwed up more than them. I’ve pushed you away. I’ve pushed them away. I don’t deserve you. Or them.”

I ran my fingers through his hair.

“That’s not true,” Gavin jumped in.

Vince straightened and looked over my shoulder at him. “It is.”

“No, we’ve all made mistakes. I have. I’ve hurt you. I’ve hurt Ave. I’ve hurt the others.”

“But not as much as me,” Vince argued.

“There isn’t a point system. No one is keeping track but you. The only thing that matters now is what you want. You know what Ave wants. I can’t speak for the others, but I want you here. I’ve missed you. I miss my brother. It’s going to take a lot of time and effort, and I don’t think we’ll ever get back to what we once were.”

Vince froze. “You don’t?”

“No, we can’t go back. But we can build something better, something stronger, deeper. We can be a family.”

How was he saying exactly what I felt? I hadn’t told him or Luca, or even admitted it to myself, that I wanted us all back together. But he knew.

Vince shook his head. “I don’t deserve––”

“You do. Do the work to fix that,” Gavin pressed. “Go to therapy. Reflect. Work on yourself. Take the time to become the man Ave and I and the others know you can be, know you are. We all love you, but you can’t be a part of this if you don’t learn to love yourself.”

I wanted to jump up and kiss him for his perfect words. I couldn’t have said it better, and I was glad I didn’t try. Gavin saying it meant so much more. Vince grew teary, but he blinked the emotion away and nodded.

“I’ll do it.”

Gavin stood and hugged both of us. “Good, because I’ve missed the hell out of you, and I know our girl has too.”

Our girl.

I nearly burst from the single word. I wanted it to be true more than anything in the world, but it wasn’t just up to me. He was right. All six of us had a lot of work to do to get to a place where we could be together happy and healthy.