Page 2 of Agony of Our Regret (Sorcerer’s Society #11)

TWO

Luca showed up at my office door just before lunch. He leaned against the frame and crossed his arms. “Order in or go out?”

I finished typing and hit send on an email before standing from my desk chair and stretching my back. “Let’s go out.”

Only a few options were within walking distance, and I hoped he wouldn’t make us call a car. I needed to move.

“How about that deli around the corner?” I suggested, as I grabbed my purse and walked down the all-white halls of the Society headquarters. It was modern and elegant and made me feel way more sophisticated walking around our floor to the various departments than I really was.

“You can’t have deli meat.”

I groaned, but a sandwich sounded so good.

“How about a Philly cheese?”he asked.

I grinned. “That sounds great.”

We headed toward the elevator, and I glanced around. “Is Gavin coming?”

He shook his head. “He has too much work.”

Too busy was the same excuse Luca gave me when I asked where he was this morning. He left before I woke up, which was unusual.

He didn’t have too much work. He was avoiding me.

Or avoiding me avoiding him.

I didn’t know what to say to him.

Eventually, somehow, I’d need to forgive him and move on, but I was still holding on to the thought of how different things could be.

Once we sat with our food at the deli, Luca started talking as soon as I took my first bite.

“How long are you two going to draw this out?”

I chewed, swallowed, dabbed my mouth, and sipped at my water, delaying and thinking.

“We’ve all made far too many mistakes over the last few years. We’ve suffered and pushed each other away. Don’t punish him when he’s been beating himself up over it. Vince already isn’t speaking to him. He doesn't need you to turn your back on him too.”

I let out a slow breath.

He was right.

Gavin was the type to shoulder the weight of this for years. The guilt had to be unbearable.

“I can’t stop thinking about how things would have been different,” I finally admitted.

Luca watched me. “Different how?”

“If he hadn’t been so upset, he wouldn’t have cheated. You wouldn’t have gotten mad at him. The fights in Mexico never would have happened––”

“And we’d all be here together?” he guessed.

“Yeah.”

“Noah would have left no matter what. He dropped out because he couldn’t handle his visions.”

“He would have reached out to us. He would have told us because there wouldn’t have been tension. We’d all be speaking,” I countered.“Nothing would be like it is now.”

He lifted his sandwich and took a bite, thinking and chewing.“And you assume it would have all been for the better.”

Wouldn’t it have been?

“You’re not thinking about what could have happened if there were…” he cut himself off and glanced around. “An accident with Vince.”

“No one knows that would have happened.”

He cocked a brow. “Through four years of playing football.”

“Something he was already doing at Arlington,” I shot back.

“Not on the same level,” Luca sighed. “We left only a few months after his birthday. He grew so much while we were at the academy.”

“Yeah, his control did too.”

“The point is, there’s no way of knowing. There’s just as much of a chance something would have happened as there is of nothing.” He paused. “Probably.”

He cocked his head.

“Actually, I don’t know if that’s right. There’s probably some equation to calculate the risk.”

“I’m sure Gavin did the math if there is.” I cracked a smile.

“Yeah, he probably did.” Luca rubbed between his brows. “It sucks. It was a horrible situation with no easy answer, but we know Gavin. He’d never do anything to hurt us, not without thinking about it from all sides. He would have weighed the pros and cons and gone through all the possible outcomes. I’m not saying I trust him more than Vince, but in the end, all he did was alert the Society. The Council decided to step in.”

Finally, I nodded. “You’re right. About all of it. He did what he thought was best, even knowing it would piss off Vince.”

I stared at my half-eaten lunch, no longer hungry. “I need to apologize to him.”

“That would probably make you both feel better.”

“So, there’s no chance Vince will ever come back?”

Luca didn’t answer, but I knew. Not with what Gavin confessed.

“That also explains why he hasn’t texted me since the accident.”

He checked in to make sure I was fine, and that was it.

He finally looked up and replied. “Everything’s out in the open now, at least. No more secrets.”

“No more secrets,” I repeated. Was that true? I couldn’t believe there wasn’t something else waiting to jump out and rip the rug out from under me.

Again.

Maybe I should just expect that now. Every time things felt settled, just wait for the bomb to go off. That would make each shock a little less upsetting.

“I’ve got nothing.” He held up his hands.

“You’d better not.” I narrowed my eyes playfully, then wrapped up my leftovers. “I’ll finish this later.”

The mood on the walk back was much lighter. We held hands and crossed the river. We nearly reached the front of our office building when he stopped.

“Okay, there is one thing.”

My stomach dropped, and I turned, waiting.

“We’ve been looking into the accident,” he ventured and paused. “Technically, the Society started first. Gavin and I looked through the file they already built.”

“I thought it was just a distracted driver.” At least, that was what they told me.

“That was the police’s report, but we wanted to be sure. The driver came back clear, but we did some more digging. There might be something there.”

I cringed. “Like what?”

“We haven’t confirmed it yet, but it's possible the Anti-Society paid the driver to hit you.”

I let out a half laugh, half cough. “You think the AS paid someone to kill me?”

He didn’t smile, didn’t even blink. “Yes.”

I glanced around, taking in the pedestrians surrounding us as if one of them was suddenly going to jump at us. “Why?”

“The circumstances around the accident were strange. Plus, we’re all paranoid at this point. Someone on Gavin’s team tracked the car using camera footage. It pulled out from its parking spot when you left the building and seemed to follow you for two blocks before it finally hit you.”

“It was driving through the city. That’s not reason enough to suspect––”

“I know.” He squeezed my hand. “It could all be a coincidence, but we want to be sure.”

I’d prefer to live in denial. The car happened to leave at the same time I did. Fine. Sure. The fact that it trailed me before hitting me was nothing to think about. We were just taking the same route. With me on foot.

I put my hand over my stomach. At least they weren’t targeting me because they knew I was pregnant. I hadn’t even known at the time.

“We know they know who you are,” he continued.

“But I’m in disguise.” I pointed to my hair and glasses.

He smirked at my lame joke. “Yeah, you’re a completely different person.”

I dropped my forehead to his shoulder. “Well, if they know who and where I am, does that mean I can go back to dark brown? Keeping up with my roots is getting old.”

He rubbed my back with his free hand. “That’s up to you.”

Suddenly, standing outside felt too vulnerable. “Let’s head in.”

We passed through the lobby, and he walked me to my office. “I’ll see you at five.” He kissed my cheek and headed down the hall toward the opposite side of the building.

I went to my desk and checked the time. With ten minutes before my next meeting, I went to the restroom and then to the conference room where Tessa, Daniel, and a few of the other members of the school committee already sat.

“Hi, Avalon,” Tessa greeted first, and the others joined.

I smiled and took a chair opposite her next to Wes, one of Noah’s dads. “How is everyone?”

Stacy, one of the other women I’d met when I first came to this committee, grinned. “Good. We’re glad to have you back. Are you healing up, okay?”

I nodded. “Still a little sore, but I’m doing much better.”

“Glad to hear it.” Wes patted my shoulder.

Finally, Beth, an older woman who hadn’t been overtly kind in our first meeting, arrived and shut the door behind her. “We’ve narrowed it down to two locations,” she began without a simple hello.

Daniel rolled his eyes discreetly. He and Beth clashed nearly every time they were in the same room, and part of me wondered why she was on this committee when it was increasingly apparent she didn’t like children or teenagers. Or most people in general. I didn’t know her background. I didn’t care enough to ask, but she took charge when Bruce wasn’t available. She must have some seniority or authority I didn’t know about.

Or she was just bossy, and no one stopped her.

“The Santa Fe option seems to be the clear winner.” She opened her laptop and took longer than I could understand getting her screen to project to the TV, even though she was in this meeting room almost daily. “But Vermont might be more realistic.”

Pictures of the two closed elementary schools available to purchase finally appeared. They met all our requirements, but each had a hefty list of negatives.

“Neither is easy to get to,” Wes reminded us.

“Which is as much a pro as it is a con.” Tessa rubbed her temple.

We’d had this exact conversation twice while I was working from home.

“The Santa Fe school has fewer things we’d have to fix.” Daniel tapped the screen of his tablet. “It could open this fall, and we could continue to make improvements and changes with students there. Vermont’s would take at least a year to get to that point.”

“But the surrounding area, the woods especially, would be more beneficial long term,” Stacy said. “Santa Fe is so exposed.”

I knew almost word for word what everyone was going to say. This was the exact conversation on repeat. We needed to decide and move on, but telling that to a room full of adults was hard.

Well, older adults.

More experienced adults.

Adulty adults.

Grown-ups.

Parents.

Shit. I was becoming one of them—if I wasn’t already. I wasn’t some teenager they brought in here to interview. I was their colleague. A peer. As much a part of the team as any of them.

I had a real office job.

I was going to have a baby.

Suddenly, the room was too hot.

“Excuse me.” I jumped from my chair and hurried out, finding the closest restroom and barely locking the stall door before my lunch came up.

Ugh. I thought morning sickness was supposed to be almost over since I was approaching the second trimester. I’d thrown up more in the last two weeks than I had in my whole life, and I was over it.

Once my stomach was painfully empty, I washed up and put a cold, wet paper towel over my eyes for a few seconds to revive myself.

I stepped back into the hall and froze when I saw Wes leaning against the wall. The men’s room was down the hall and had multiple urinals and stalls. Why was he waiting here?

“That’s the third time you’ve run out during a meeting.”

I took a step back, mirroring his position and crossing my arms. “Sorry.”

He titled his head. “I’m not pointing it out because it’s a problem. I’m concerned.”

Worry creased his face. He was too good. Too kind. And I had to lie to him.

“I’ve been having nausea spells since the accident. It might be from the concussion.” I pulled that out of nowhere. If I’d been smarter, I would have prepared an excuse. I should have known someone would notice. If not Wes, Tessa would eventually.

He straightened. “If you’re still nauseated weeks later, you should go back to the doctor. That’s not normal.”

Shit.

I glanced out of the corner of my eye, praying for an interruption. Think, Avalon!

“Unless you’re sick from something else,” he hedged.

I closed my eyes. He knew. Of course he did. He had three kids and wasn’t stupid. I bit my lip and stared up at the ceiling, fighting to keep from crying. This was not how I pictured telling anyone, let alone Noah’s dad.

“Oh, sweetie.” He wrapped me in his arms, and I broke. I gripped his shirt in my fist and sobbed. “It’s okay.”

I shook my head. It wasn’t okay. None of this was okay.

Sky, Vince, and Noah were gone. I was pregnant. I had a real job making real decisions that impacted real people. I couldn’t have a turkey sandwich. The backup option just reappeared. Nothing would stay down, and I was losing weight when I was pretty sure I should be gaining. We couldn’t pick between stupid Santa Fe or Vermont, which, frankly, both options sucked––the buildings, not the locations. The AS might have tried to kill me, and now one of my missing men’s dads was holding me outside the bathroom.

I was maxed out.

I wanted to be at home in my pajamas. No wait, I wanted a bath with lots of bubbles. And some chocolate.

Oh, and peanut butter.

And beef jerky.

Could I have that?

“Avalon?” a familiar voice called. “Wes? What’s going on?”

Chris walked toward us. Double shit. The last thing I needed was Sky’s dad seeing me like this.

I should have begged Wes to keep this to himself. The more people who knew, the harder it would be to prevent the guys from finding out.I froze in panic.

Wes squeezed me tighter. “Oh, Avalon’s just feeling stressed returning. Might have been a bit too soon to come back. She should be home recovering still.”

I thanked him silently for covering, but if Gavin and Luca heard him say that, I’d never work in the office again.

Chris gave me a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry. Do you need a ride home? I can give you a lift.”

His generosity and immediate offer to help despite his son not being in my life brought up immediate tears.

“Oh, no!” He rushed forward and rubbed my shoulder. “Did I say something wrong?”

I shook my head, but couldn’t get myself under control.

“Avalon? Sweetie?” Tessa appeared at my other side. “I was coming to check on you. What’s going on?”

“We broke her,” Chris said with a small smile.

“I think being back is too much at the moment,” Wes tried again with that cover story.

“I offered to take her home, and she started crying,” Chris explained.

Tessa brushed my hair back and put her hand on my cheek. “Are you in pain? If this is too much too soon, you can go home. It’s not a problem at all.”

Ugh. They were being so nice, but the tears didn’t stop.

“Why don’t I go get Gavin?” Tessa offered.

I shook my head. That was the last thing I wanted. “I told them I was ready to come back.” I sniffed. “I want to be here. I just got hot in that room, and it made me feel sick.”

Wes and Tessa shared a look.

Tessa turned back to me with narrowed eyes. “You’ve been sick quite a few times since the accident.”

Of course, she picked up on things. I had more calls and meetings with her than anyone else, and I’d run to the bathroom many times while I was working from home. She never called me out, so I hadn’t thought she noticed.

“Is that normal?” Chris asked. “Should we take her to the hospital to get looked over?”

If I said yes, would they let me leave?

Tessa’s eyes dropped to my stomach, and I fought every urge to cover up with my hands. I wasn’t showing at all, but she wasn’t stupid. She was a woman and a mother. Double trouble intuition.

She glanced at Wes again with arched brows, and I willed the building to collapse.When I didn’t get a reprieve, I stepped back from the three of them and pulled it together.

“We should get back. I don’t want to leave Beth alone with Daniel for too long with only Stacy to get between them.”

“Are you sure you feel up to it?” Chris asked. “I can take you to get checked out or go get Luca.”

I smiled. “I appreciate the offer, but I’m fine.” I stared down Wes and Tessa. “I’m really fine.”

Before either of them could speak, I hurried back to the conference room.

A confrontation was inevitable, but I wanted to put it off for a little while longer. And maybe send out an SOS for backup.