Page 15 of Agony of Our Regret (Sorcerer’s Society #11)

FIFTEEN

“That looks great.”

Gavin sat on the edge of the bed eating Lo mein from the to-go carton. I stared in the mirror with a frown.

“I like it better than the maroon one,” Luca offered.

The black one had a bow that tied under my boobs and over my belly. I felt like a present to be unwrapped, and not in a sexy way.

“Yeah, the green goes with your...eyes?” Gavin tried to help.

“My brown eyes?”

The T-shirt dress went to midcalf and had ruching on the sides to accommodate my growing stomach. It looked so cute online, but it felt like wearing a tent. Maybe when my bump was bigger, it would fit better.

“What about that one?” Luca pointed to the cream floral dress his mom had dropped off earlier this week. It straddled the line between pioneer woman and trendy. I couldn’t decide which. “Just try it.”

I let out a dramatic sigh and pulled off the one I was wearing.

“Go like that.” Gavin winked when I shot him a glare.

“It’s hot as fuck,” Luca agreed.

I glanced down at my bra and underwear. My boobs had grown, but only a little. My tan hip-hugger panties were for coverage, not enticing.

“You’ve both lost it.”

They continued to stare, and the corners of Luca’s lips twitched as he fought a grin. Neither of them minded the changes in my body. They couldn’t get enough of me lately.

Not that I minded. Pregnancy hormones were irresistible, and the guys were more than happy to satisfy all my cravings.

I pulled on the cream dress and fluffed my shoulder-length brown hair.

On my body, the style looked much less Little House on the Prairie. It had plenty of material for when I got bigger, but it didn’t drown me.

“That’s the winner,” Gavin confirmed between bites.

“Definitely.” Luca watched me move to the closet and pick out a pair of flats to complete the outfit.

A knock sounded from the front door, and he jumped to answer it while Gavin kept eating.

“Are you nervous?” he teased, before taking another bite.

“For a date with Noah?” I crossed to him and stole his next forkful. “No, but I am starving.”

He fed me again before I stepped back and smoothed the front of my dress. “Do I look okay?”

“You look absolutely beautiful.” He kissed me before ushering me to the living room.

“Wow.” Noah’s eyes swept over me as I moved toward him for a hug. “You look stunning.”

I smiled up at him and gave him a quick kiss. “You look very handsome as well.”

He did. His curls were somewhat tamed, and he wore a black dress shirt tucked into gray slacks I weren’t positive were his.

“Thanks.” He looked past me to Gavin. “Don’t tell me you fed her already.”

“Nope.” Gavin sat the carton on the counter. “I was eating because I’m going to an event with my mom, and I didn’t want to get stuck starving with only hors d’oeuvres to hold me over before I can get pizza or something on the way home.”

Noah smirked. “Good call.”

“Speaking of…” Gavin glanced at the clock and frowned. “I need to brush my teeth and head out. You two have fun.” He kissed my temple and then hurried back into our room.

“Take care of her and have her home at a decent hour,” Luca said in a firm voice that had Noah laughing.

“Of course, Mr. Castello.”

I rolled my eyes and hugged Luca goodbye. He stole a kiss before I left with Noah.

“Where are we going?” I asked, once we were outside. He took my hand and led me away from the parking garage, so I assumed it was somewhere close.

“I got some insider information that you like the Italian restaurant around the corner.”

“Oh.” I squeezed his arm with my free hand. “I love that place.”

He smiled, and it reached his eyes, lighting up my heart. I missed that smile more than words could say.

“So, it was a good pick?”

“The first time we went, I asked the waitress, who turned out to be the granddaughter of the owners, and she recommended the lasagna. It’s a family recipe they brought with them from Italy, and it’s otherworldly.” I groaned just thinking about it. “And don’t get me started on the garlic bread. I could survive off just that for the rest of my life and die happy.”

“I can’t wait.”

When we arrived, the hostess showed us to a small table in the back of the secluded dining room with dim, romantic lighting, perfect for a date night.

He pulled out my chair, and I sat as the hostess put the thick menus down on the table.

I didn’t bother picking mine up, and after Noah settled, he gathered them and put them to the side.

“You didn’t look.”

“I trust your choices.”

That felt like an oddly deep and multifaceted statement. As soon as he said it, his smile dimmed with uncertainty, and he leaned in.

“I didn’t mean for that to be some sort of declaration, but it’s true. I trust you. I––”

The waiter appeared, and I nearly shooed him away.

“Welcome. Can I get you two anything to drink?”

“Just water for me.” I shot him a quick smile.

“Same. Thank you. Can we also start with garlic bread?” Noah asked. “And we’d both like the lasagna.”

The waiter grinned, probably grateful we were an easy table. “Of course.”

He disappeared, and I leaned closer too. “You trust me and you?”

Noah rested his elbows on the edge of the table and held my gaze. “I’m sorry I pressed you so hard to tell us what was wrong. I really thought you were sick. If I’d known it was something you were working through...I’m sorry.”

I reached out and took his hand. “I appreciate that. I was going to tell you guys, but I was still trying to accept it. If anything, you pushed me forward in that process.”

His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes anymore. “There’s so much more I need to apologize for.”

Our drinks arrived, and we thanked the waiter but didn’t touch them.

“You don’t,” I protested. “Not anymore.”

He hesitated while seeming to gather himself. “I’ll always feel like I have so much to make up for.”

I ran my thumb over the back of his hand. “Please don’t. I’m not holding on to the past. You’ve apologized and proven you’re serious about being here.”

“I should have come back sooner.”

I shrugged. “Maybe, but we can’t change that.”

His gaze dropped. “I know. I need to let go of the guilt I carry, but that’s for me to work on, not you.”

“Very mature.”

“I’ve done a lot of growing up recently.”

“I think we all have. Not much of a choice at this point.” I huffed a laugh and patted my belly.

“We’re past the sink-or-swim time of our lives. I took my time. I was selfish and got to do whatever I wanted, and I’m grateful for that. But I’m ready now for what comes next.”

“You don’t still have the travel bug?”

He smiled. “Oh, I do. I just decided that I want to share those experiences with all of you now.”

“That sounds good to me. I don’t think we’ll be able to do a babymoon with the restrictions, but maybe we can go somewhere next year.”

I expected him to be disappointed by how far away that sounded, but he nodded. “Somewhere baby friendly. I read that hotels aren’t the best option. People recommended renting houses or condos where you have the space or another room for the baby to sleep and nap.”

My brows shot up. “You already did research?”

He looked at me like I was the crazy one. “The three of us have been doing that pretty much nonstop every night. Sky’s the fastest reader, so he decides what books are worth it for me and Vince. I think we have a pretty good grasp on what to expect, but of course, that will all go flying out the window once Lemon is here.”

I grinned and nodded.

Our waiter arrived with our food and I quickly cut off a piece of the warm, gooey, cheesy masterpiece and moaned when the flavors exploded on my tongue. It was just what I needed.

He watched me with a smile before taking his own bite. He chewed. Swallowed. Then finally nodded. “Wow.”

“I know,” I claimed another forkful.

We ate for a minute in silence before he continued our conversation, “Vince has been on a deep dive into the safest options for everything from car seats to cribs and strollers and toys. He has a spreadsheet of what to avoid and what he wants to see in person.”

Just when I thought my heart couldn’t get any fuller. “I didn’t realize you guys were doing that.”

He shrugged. “We want to make sure Lemon has everything they need. Plus, with five of us splitting up the work, it’s not so overwhelming.”

“The five? What about me?” I teased.

“At the beginning, you’ll be recovering from labor or a c-section. Your body needs time to heal. We’ll divide up responsibilities to make sure everyone is getting enough sleep, showering, eating, working, all that.” He flexed his fingers against mine. “We’ll probably work you in for a few feedings.”

I cocked a brow. “How generous.”

“We’ll handle the diaper changes and baths.”

“While I do nothing?”

“While you recover,” he corrected.

“What if I was planning on breastfeeding?”

“You can, but we’ll handle everything else. Or you can pump so we can do the night feedings.” He sounded so certain. “I read that babies who get equal time between mom and dad have an easier time with the bottle.”

I wanted to see that source. I’d never heard anything like it before. Not that I’d done much of my own research.

“We think that if we’re all equally involved, the baby won’t be so reliant on just you. Vince said his little sister was a terrible baby because she only settled for their mom, but I remember Cynthia was super easy. Maybe it’s because my dad's took turns.”

I wasn’t sure it would be that easy, but I appreciated how much thought they’d put into this. They were stepping up. It was extra special because they hadn’t flaunted it. They weren’t reading the books or looking up cribs to show off or impress me. They were doing it behind closed doors because they cared.

Well, until now. Noah’s excitement was genuine, though. He likely struggled to keep this to himself for so long.

Our food arrived, and while we filled up on delicious lasagna, Noah changed the topic.

“Have you thought much about the future?”

That was a loaded question. “Like when Lemon gets here?”

“Sure, or beyond that.”

“I spent so much of the last several years counting down to when we’d all be graduated and come back here, I hadn’t thought of what might come next. Then when I found out I was pregnant, I got sort of frozen in the now. I couldn’t imagine how I’d get through this, let alone having and raising a baby,” I sighed. “So, I guess I haven’t pictured anything past the next few months.”

That wasn’t true. I hadn’t even made it that far. I was still concentrating on getting through each day and wondering if or when I’d be ready for him, Sky, and Vince to live with us. Knowing we wouldn’t all fit in the apartment or my grandparents’ house, I got stuck.

I used to picture the six of us in that beautiful Victorian, making the small rooms work for our large group. I wanted to have a piece of my history to cling to, the family I never knew. It was a symbol of what I could have had. Of the life my birth mom took away from me by running away. She found and fell in love with my dad, only to leave us both after I was born. The house was all I had left of our connection, and I clung to that idea. It felt kismet that I found my way back to the home she left.

Now, thinking about my own unborn child, I couldn’t imagine leaving Lemon behind. How could a mother do that? She believed she was in danger, and staying would put the same target on me. I understood, until I found myself in her shoes.

The AS was a threat. They’d come after me before, yet I wouldn’t run.

I wanted a fresh start. I wanted a to leave the past behind, appreciating my maternal side for what they left me, but without the ties.

“Close your eyes.”

I did and waited.

“Think about five years from now. You have a little kid running around. What else do you see?”

I tried to picture a little boy or girl and couldn’t, so I moved past that, letting myself imagine them playing in another room. “We’re in a house.” I wasn’t sure where that came from, but it felt right. “There’s a playroom next to the living room and kitchen. Our child is in there.”

“Who else is with you?”

I looked around an open concept area. The style was familiar, cozy, yet curated. Not too modern, but clearly built or renovated recently. Gray cabinets with white and silver marble counters. The gray leather sectional wasn’t what I’d pick out, but I could see us compromising. Even though it was a large space, it didn’t feel as empty as my old house, nor overly grand as the Castellos’ house. It was more similar to Daniel and Tessa’s home. Spacious, but lived in.

Vince and Luca were sitting on the couch, watching a football game. Sky was next to me in the kitchen, not helping me make lunch, but keeping me entertained. Gavin stood at my other side, slicing fruit. Noah walked in from a hall, a small bundle in his arms.

I gasped. “You’re all there. You’re holding another baby.”

“Really?” I could hear the smile in the single word.

“I feel settled. Happy.”

I opened my eyes and met the intensity in his.

“You want another child?”

“I think I want a few, but ask again in a year,” I teased.

“I’ve seen it.”

My heart shot to my throat. “You’ve seen it?”

He nodded. “I’ve had a few visions of the six of us.”

“Since you got back?”

“Yeah, I’m not sure if being here triggered them. Maybe one of us made a decision that put them into motion, but I’ve seen us with more than one child.”

“More than two?”

He gave me a small smile. “I don’t want to spoil anything, plus things are always changing.”

I nodded and looked down at my half-eaten plate.

Knowing he’d had visions of our future made the idea that we could make it feel more real. In a few years, we’d look back and think of this as just a rough patch. Not the end.

“I think we should get some to-go boxes.”

He eyed my food. “Are you not feeling well?”

I smiled. “I just can’t wait to get you home.”

“Oh,” he paused. “Oh.” His brows lifted, and I nodded.

He straightened and looked around. “I’ll find the waiter.”