Page 43 of Absolutely Pucked (Punk as Puck #3)

I attempted to swallow past the boulder in my throat.

“She used to say little things when she was angry—shit like, ‘I can’t believe I worked this hard to get you in my bed for you to turn out like this.’ Sometimes she’d drop little hints about how she would have been better off staying with you.

That was only weird because she told me you dumped her. ”

Tucker bit his lip, then said, “I did. I mean, I kind of did. She didn’t put up a fight when I ended things, but I did it because she kept talking over and over and over about how hard our lives were going to be.

She sobbed into my damn pillow at the hospital about how the money from the settlement wasn’t going to last long, and what was the point of her keeping up with the way she looked if I was never going to be able to see her.

Then she’d apologize for making it about her, but she’d start all over the next night.

” He looked a little green, and I thought about asking him to stop, but maybe this was weighing on him.

“She’d ask doctors and nurses for support groups on how to deal with the way people would stare at us when we were in public together.

She made it sound like she was trying to be supportive, but all I could think about was how I was ruining her life.

She didn’t fight me at all when I told her it was over. ”

I hadn’t known all of that. I never questioned the idea of Tucker breaking up with her because it was a very him thing to do. I hadn’t realized how deep her lies went .

“When she started having an affair,” I said slowly, “I hired a PI to get evidence. And he did. But he came back with a lot more than just the affair. Old emails,” I said.

God, my stomach hurt, saying all this aloud.

“They were messages she was sending to her friends right after the accident, talking about how she was using your bad attitude to manipulate me into bed with her. She said she didn’t care how long it took, but she wasn’t going to marry a—” I didn’t say the word.

The heinous word that started with a C .

“Yeah,” Tucker said, his laugh a little raspy. “I get it.”

“It didn’t happen while you were in the hospital,” I told him. “I swear. I…I would have never—no matter how angry or hurt I was at what you’d said or done. It wasn’t until after you kicked me out and refused to see me again that I even spoke to her about being more than friends.”

He closed his eyes and bowed his head. “I don’t know if I want to know this.”

“Okay.” I put my hands up in surrender, even though he wasn’t looking at me.

His hands twisted in his lap. “I was able to live with myself and the things I’d done when we were younger because I thought I had the moral high ground after the accident. I was a bully, sure, but you stole my fiancée from me right after I lost my legs and most of my sight.”

At that, I laughed. “Dude, you still have that high ground. She was off-limits, and I knew that, but I was so hurt and so scared about what was going to happen in the future that I just…I lost who I was for a while. An d by the time I found it again, it was too late. I thought the bachelor party…” I stopped.

He finally looked up at me again. “What?”

“I thought maybe I could fix it. I was ready to run. If you so much as said the word that we could have fixed us, I would have left her then and there. I thought maybe that’s why you came. But you were so angry at me still.”

“Dude. You brought a bunch of douchey frat boys who hated my guts!”

Fuck. He was right though. “They were the only people who still talked to me,” I said weakly. “I don’t have friends, Tucker. I didn’t want to be alone.”

His face shuttered, and he bowed his head again. “I didn’t know. But I don’t know if I would have been ready to believe you right then. I think I needed to find Amedeo first.”

I understood that. I really did. Lifting my hand, I hesitated, then reached for my phone. “Look, I have a file with all the stuff the PI sent me if you want proof. If you need?—”

“No.” His voice sounded rough. He looked up again. “God, no. I believe you. I don’t need to see any of that for myself. I don’t think it’ll help.”

I set my phone down again. Part of me was afraid to trust him. Part of me thought that if he didn’t see the hard evidence, he’d go back to believing that I had been some monster waiting in the shadows, swooping in to steal his happiness the moment he was vulnerable.

Then he reached for me. He missed the first time, but the second time, he grabbed my wrist and held tightly. It didn’t last forever. It didn’t last more than a few seconds, but it was something. He was crossing a divide.

“Why?” I asked him softly.

“Why what?”

“Why change your mind after all this time? I know it’s not because you wanted to believe me.” Or forgive me, but I was too afraid to use that word. I didn’t think I could bear it if he told me forgiveness—actual forgiveness—was never on the table.

He took a moment, then shrugged and said, “Mostly, it was Ford. Him falling in love with you the way he did. He’s kind of my moral compass.

Bodie and I are kind of…we’re…” He grimaced.

“We’re not the nicest people in the world.

Ford’s been through more shit than anyone rightfully should, and somehow, he always sees the best in people.

He put me and Bodie back together after the Paralympic fiasco.

He made us believe that we were worthy of as many chances as we needed to become better people.

He’s the reason I didn’t stay a monster, because after the accident, it was a close call.

I knew the kind of person I was capable of becoming. Ford pulled me out of that.”

I couldn’t help a small smile. “Yeah. I think I understand.”

“I know you do. It’s annoying,” he said, but he was smiling now.

His smile faded just a bit when he finally looked up at my face.

“The morning you called—when everything came out—after you left, I was ready to lose it. I wasn’t…

” He shrugged and sighed loudly. “I was pissed at you for existing, and I was pissed at Ford for lying to me. But I was really pissed at you both for not se eing that I wasn’t some terrible person who would have laughed at you living in your car. ”

“Well—”

“No,” Tucker said. “Just…just fucking shut up and listen, okay?”

I nodded, a little stung, but I was willing to do anything if it meant trying to heal this rift.

“After you left, Boden literally dragged me outside and reminded me that I haven’t given you a lot of reason over the years to know that I wouldn’t be the man you thought I would be.

And he reminded me that after everything Ford’s family had put him through, he’s still afraid he’s not worth sticking around for.

So why wouldn’t he believe I would jump ship the moment he gave me a reason to. ”

“Have you two never fought?” I asked softly.

Tucker looked like he wanted to cry. “No. We haven’t.

Not really, and it took all this to understand why.

God, a while ago, he went off on Boden. I mean, he fucking let him have it.

Boden was acting like an ass because he was hiding his whole thing with Hugo, and Ford snapped.

Bodie doesn’t know this, but after that, Ford came to my house and cried so hard he threw up. ”

My heart felt like it was breaking. Fuck, I wanted him home right then so I could wrap him in my arms and swear he would never have to feel like that again.

“He thought Boden was going to hate him forever.” Tucker gave me a soft smile. “You’ve made him stronger though. Braver. You’ve made him feel safer.”

“Even though I ghosted him?”

He burst into laughter. “Is that what he’s calling it? Oh my fucking God. Well, yes. Even after that. You leaving was his worst fear, but he didn’t totally fall apart. He waited for you. He kept hope. And all you needed was a push.”

“And a punch,” I reminded him.

He laughed again. “Or two. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that it’s all pretty fucked-up, but we were both right and both wrong about each other. I’m…I think I’m always going to be sensitive about Delia. I can’t help that.”

“I get it. I got my divorce hearing date today, and?—”

“Whoa, wait. Shit. Today ?” he asked.

I frowned. “Yeah.”

“And you just let me anger and trauma dump all over you?” His voice was rising.

My hand shot out, and I snagged his wrist, squeezing tightly. “Tuck.” God, the fact that I could say that now felt amazing. “It’s okay.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I wanted this moment more than I wanted to protect my feelings. I want a divorce. I need my brother.” I hoped he was understanding what I was trying to get across.

He swallowed heavily and relaxed his arm. He didn’t pull back. “When?”

“I need to fly out the day after tomorrow so I can get everything ready.”

Tucker looked hesitant. “Is she going to be able to fuck you over?”

“I have a prenup that protects my savings, and I think with all the shit I have on her, she has no chance at alimony. Especially now that Daniel’s abandoned her and her swanky law team quit. ”

“Is she using a public defender?”

“I—that’s not—” It didn’t matter that he’d gotten that wrong. I shook my head. “No. She’s representing herself.” That made me smile a bit. “Mom and Dad tried to get the funds to help, but they’re so deep in debt they couldn’t. And her parents wanted nothing to do with this circus.”

“So you could really fuck her over,” Tucker said.

I laughed. “Maybe. But she doesn’t have anything I want.

She torched our marriage for a man who ultimately is pretending like she doesn’t exist. She’s having his baby, and the only win she’ll ever get with him is child support.

She has no friends, no family except Mom and Dad, and you and I both know that’s not a prize. ”

Tucker laughed, but the sound was a little sad. “Well…damn.”

“She thought she ruined me, but instead, she led me back to you and into the arms of the love of my life. There’s no better victory than that.”

“Shit, you’re right,” he said breathlessly. His sighted eye was kind of…sparkling. “God, there really is no better revenge than living well, is there?”

“Nope, and I know that for a fact. Nothing caused me more pain and more joy than seeing you happy,” I told him. “And now it’s only joy.”

His whole body went tense for a second, and then he threw both arms around my neck and yanked me in for a hug.

It took me a moment to reciprocate. The shock was almost enough to make me pass out.

But God, hugging him like this felt like all my broken pieces were fitting back together in the way they were always meant to go.

“I love you,” he said. “We didn’t tell each other that as kids, did we?”

I sniffed, shaking my head. Fuck, I was going to cry again. I’d been doing so much of that lately. I held him a bit tighter, a bit longer, then pulled back. “I love you too. And I’m okay if we don’t get all…you know…schmoopy and shit. I know we won’t be best friends.”

“No,” he said. My heart hurt a little for that, and then he said, “You’re my fucking twin, dude. It doesn’t get closer than that. If we had kids, they’d be genetic siblings.”

I laughed. Our seventh-grade science teacher had a weird fetish for twins and kept giving our class random twin facts while pointing at me and Tucker. It had been awkward as fuck, but it figured that would be the one random fact Tucker remembered.

“Look, I should probably take off, but I just…” He bit his lip as he stood up and steadied himself on his legs. Then he looked down at me. “Thanks for this. I needed it.”

I wanted to ask if we were good now. If things were healing now. If I could meet his husband and be part of his life. But I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. Not yet. My atonement wasn’t done. I had a way to go, and for now, he needed to call the shots.

“Come over for dinner when you get back,” he said. “You and Ford. It’ll be everyone. The whole family.”

The whole family. And that meant me too.

“Love that.”

He shot me finger guns, then turned and headed for the front door. I didn’t follow him. I just waited, listening for the sound of him leaving. Then there were headlights, which probably meant Deo had been waiting for him this entire time.

I couldn’t wait to be part of that.

Or, no. That was wrong. I could wait, because the payoff at the end would be so damn worth it.