Page 22 of Absolutely Pucked (Punk as Puck #3)

“No, it’s from…” I started, then waved him off. Prior to this whole mess, he’d been a busy lawyer. He didn’t have time to be chronically online the way I was when I got bored. “Never mind. Anyway, yes, please. If you want to share. ”

He met my gaze and held it. “I want to share. I like sharing with you.”

Yep. I was hard. He didn’t look down though, so I had time to turn away and limp my ass back to the table and sit. Hissing, I stretched my leg out, but it didn’t help.

“Want your crutches?” he asked, still not looking over.

I groaned and flopped forward until my head hit the table. “Yes, but no. But yes.”

He sighed and walked out of the room, returning a moment later with them hitched over his shoulder. He set them against the wall near me, then looked down. “Want help getting your leg off?”

I hadn’t been without my leg much since he moved in, which was kind of ridiculous. He’d seen it. He’d touched it. He fucked me into oblivion while holding the end of my stump to keep me balanced, and it hadn’t bothered him at all. At least, not that I could tell.

So I had no idea why I was being weird about it.

I needed to get over myself. “Could I just hold your shoulders?”

He nodded, then offered me his hands to help me up.

We were almost chest to chest, and my breath caught in my lungs as he stood still and bore my weight.

I dropped my pants to my knees, then undid the strap to release the pressure against my skin.

I took my time pulling the socket off and then massaged my stump until I could feel it thicken with blood flow.

“Better,” I said with a sigh. I hitched my pants back up, then eased my socket out of my pant leg with a little twisting to get the hip piece out .

Killian held his hand out for it. “I’ll put her in your room.”

The way he said that—how he anthropomorphized Carol-Ann the way I did—was unexpected. It was different. Everyone indulged me about her, but people didn’t respect her the way I wanted them to.

Even Tucker thought it was ridiculous.

And maybe it was, but it was my way of coping, and it worked for me.

I didn’t want to think about the way Killian made me feel. The way he seemed to react so fucking perfectly. The way he just sort of fit against all my jagged corners and sharp edges like he was a puzzle piece made to soften and complete me.

I swallowed heavily, then handed her over. He was delicate with the leg. He didn’t carry it like it was furniture. He carried it like it was my actual limb, and fuck me…yeah. I was hard again. But it was like an emotional boner, which was really throwing me off.

Desperate to keep busy, I grabbed my crutches and slipped my arms into the cuffs, basking in the relief from the pain as I made my way to the stove. “Is this done? Can I serve us?”

Killian appeared and scoffed. “Go sit down. It’s my turn to wait on you.”

I stared at him. “Uh, no way, babe.”

His face reddened, and it took me a second to realize what I’d just said.

“I—oh. No, I didn’t mean it like…I just.” I took a breath, then lied and said, “I call everyone that.”

He bowed his head, and it was obvious he was trying to hide his hurt. But he failed. And I hated myself a bit for both wanting him and for betraying Tucker.

“Of course. I mean, I know you don’t mean it like that. That night was?—”

“Killian.”

“No. Seriously, it’s fine. I have zero expectations, Ford. Okay? I swear.”

He probably meant that, and I wish he didn’t because God, this would be so much easier if he didn’t.

I could just give in and make us both happy, and then I’d…

fuck. I didn’t know what I’d do. Live with the consequences?

Sacrifice the only people who ever made me feel like family because I had a hard-on for the guy who fucked up Tucker’s life?

“I don’t regret it,” I said after what was probably too big a silence. I heard him suck in a breath, but I kept my gaze trained on the pot of simmering dumplings.

“Not even after?—”

“No,” I said, cutting him off. I didn’t want him to say it. Calling up Tucker’s name right now would make it feel too real. It was the truth, and I should regret it, but I couldn’t. “It was probably one of the best moments in my life. Well, recently, anyway.”

“And then I left you there,” Killian said.

I couldn’t help a small laugh, and I finally turned to face him. “It wasn’t like we didn’t agree on what it was supposed to be.”

He swallowed thickly, then nodded. “Yeah.” His voice was a hoarse whisper. “I didn’t want to walk away. But I, ah…I knew by then. And I felt like a monster.”

Part of me wanted to comfort him. The man was clearly being punished for all of his sins, but who was I to make it worse?

I didn’t know what to say.

“Let’s eat,” I answered instead.

The moment between us was still charged—still tense. He stepped up beside me, and his shoulder brushed mine. Heat erupted under my skin, and I took a deep breath before letting it out and shifting to the side.

I watched his hands—big, strong, clever fingers that curled around the ladle. They looked nothing like Tucker’s. Those small differences meant everything to me.

“Can we eat in bed?”

Killian’s head whipped around to face me. “Um.”

“I’ve had a rough day. I need to be comfortable.”

“Of course. Go get settled, and I’ll bring it to you.”

Nodding, I moved away from him, then paused in the entryway. “You too.”

“Mm?”

“I want you to join me. I want your company.” I was deliberate in my words. Not just some company. I wanted his . In the quiet of my apartment with no one else here to listen in and judge, I could be brutally honest.

I could be myself.

I waited, my breath trapped in my chest, as I watched a novel of emotion play out on his face. Eventually, he met my gaze, then nodded.

“I’ll be right there.”

It wasn’t enough.

But it was something.