Page 42 of Absolutely Pucked (Punk as Puck #3)

CHAPTER

TWENTY-SIX

KILLIAN

It took nearly three months for…well, I hate to say all the shit to hit the fan, but it kind of felt that way. Not everything was bad, but it was a lot. I’d completed the reciprocity process, which meant all I had left to do was be sworn in, and then I could practice law in Turenne.

Then, of course, I had to get a job.

But although Daniel had walked Delia through how to freeze my accounts, she hadn’t been able to touch the money I’d been putting aside since high school. The prenup—the only thing I’d been smart enough to do before we got married—made sure that would never be hers.

If I’d still been with her, it would have been enough to live on for a few months, maybe. With Ford, we could get by for a few years. I had time to get on my feet without being a burden to him, not that he’d ever made me feel like that, even when I was at my lowest.

But that was the easy part.

The hard part came when I got the call that our hearing date for the divorce had been set. I had six days to fully prepare. And on the heels of that—and I mean literally hours after I got that call—Tucker showed up at my front door.

His hair was plastered to his head because he’d been walking in the rain. He had his white cane in one hand and a walking cane in the other.

“You looked like a drowned otter,” I told him, stepping aside. “Also, Ford’s working an overnight shift because of some inventory problem, so he’s not here.”

“Otters swim, you fucking dipshit. They live in the water. Also, I know that. I’m not here for him.” Then he shook himself like a dog, soaking me and the floor beneath him.

I stared down at his feet—where the bars of his prosthetic legs met his shoes. He had feet molds in there too. I’d seen them a couple of times, but everything about him was so different from the man he’d been.

This version of him was a stranger, getting more and more familiar each time he let me near him. But we had years to go. Decades, even.

“We need to talk,” he said, setting his canes down by the door. He dragged his fingers through his hair a few times, then looked up at me. “I’m gonna go steal some of Ford’s sweats. Will you be weird about it?”

“No,” I said slowly, “but wouldn’t it make sense to steal mine? We’re literally the exact same size.”

That wasn’t entirely true anymore. He had about two inches on me in his legs, which I knew he’d done on purpose. I hadn’t called him on it. Yet. Once the last tendrils of his hatred for me were gone, then I’d give him shit .

He pulled a face for a second, and then his shoulders sagged. “I guess you have a point. Where are your clothes?”

“I took the left side of the dresser.”

He grimaced again. “Uhg, thinking about you two living together gives me hives.” He took a step past me, then stopped. “Don’t move.”

I wasn’t about to take that literally. I went into the kitchen, got a couple of glasses of water, and set them in the center of the table before dropping down to the couch.

I could hear him in the other room rummaging around, and I had half a mind to tell him not to go through all the drawers because… well.

Ford liked toys.

And I liked using them on him.

But Tucker probably knew that because there was no screaming and cursing. Just him appearing a few minutes later with a hand towel around his shoulders, in a pair of dark grey sweats and a T-shirt that I rarely ever wore.

He smiled—the same look he had when we were in high school. But it was kinder than it had been back then. He made his way over, then stopped and turned his head from side to side before taking the empty seat a cushion away from me.

Nugget, who was in her window perch, made a noise of curiosity but decided sleeping to the sound of rain was more important.

“So,” I started.

Tucker held up a hand and shook his head. “Me first.”

I reached for my water instead and pushed his toward him. “In case you’re thirsty. It’s right near the edge.”

“I can see it,” he said a little sharply, then sighed. “Actually, thanks.” He reached for it the same way Jonah and Micah did, by dragging the tips of his fingers over the table until his knuckles touched the glass. “Jonah’s teaching you well.”

“And Micah. They’re nice.”

Tucker snorted. “Just wait until you become a friend friend. Then the goblin porn starts.”

I blinked. “I refuse to ask what that means.”

“Smart man.” He grinned, then took a long drink of his water before settling back with a sigh. “Before the whole, you know, big thing happened…”

“Which big thing?” There were a lot of them.

“Me realizing you were dicking Ford down and living with him?”

“Right.” My ears burned with lingering shame. It had been three months, but it still felt uncomfortable. “That thing.”

“I’m not trying to make this weird, okay? But Deo told me if I don’t have a talk with you and stop trauma dumping all over him, he’s going to make me sleep on the couch.”

“Oof.”

He scoffed. “He actually won’t, but the threat is mean, and it hurt my feelings.

” He paused, then leaned forward to set his glass down before twisting to face me.

“I told Ford about what a dick I was in high school. I think maybe I was feeling that twin thing”—he tapped his temple—“and knew you were nearby because I couldn’t stop thinking about you. And when I think about you?—”

“You’re filled with an uncontrollable rage?”

“Will you shut up? I’m only pissed when you do that ,” he snapped, “and put words in my mouth.”

I recoiled, but it was my own fault. “Sorry. I’m feeling a little defensive.”

“I get it.” He passed a hand down his face with another sigh.

“When I think about you, sometimes it’s my anger about Delia or the absolute fucking jackass you were in Vegas.

But I also think about what a horrible bully I was to you when we were young.

You were my best fucking friend—literally the only person who ever got me. But I was so angry all the time?—”

“That wasn’t on you,” I interrupted. I couldn’t help it. “Tucker, Mom and Dad really fucked us up.”

“Yeah.” He laughed, but the sound wasn’t amused. “They really did. And you…you liked the attention.”

“I did.” I wasn’t about to deny that. “I liked it more the meaner you got. It kind of felt like you were proving them right when they said all those things about you. I was also scared that they were going to turn on me if I didn’t do exactly what they said.

I was petrified of being a failure. I used to throw up every night and every morning at the thought of not getting that four point oh. ”

Tucker’s face fell. “God, sometimes I just want five minutes alone with them.”

“It wouldn’t make a difference. Even if you punched them in the face, they’d just use that to say they were right all along,” I told him .

He smiled. “Yeah, but it would feel good.”

I couldn’t help a small laugh. “You know, it really would. But listen,” I said, and the moment between us sobered, “I figured out years ago that the whole bullying thing wasn’t your fault.”

“Killian—”

“No. I mean, okay, yes, take responsibility for being an asshole. Some of the things you and your friends did were traumatizing. But by the time Delia and I happened, I already understood why you were the way you were. When I went after you at that fucking rave?—”

“Killian,” he said again, his voice cracking.

“No, just…please,” I begged. God, I’d been holding on to this for so long. So long.

He took a breath, then closed his eyes and nodded. “Okay.”

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I know I—I came across aggressive and angry, and I kind of was, but only because I thought the NHL was going to be the best thing that ever happened to you.

I thought you’d go be this wild success and finally be happy, you know?

I was terrified you were throwing it all away because you couldn’t stop being angry at Mom and Dad. And me.”

He let out a trembling breath. “I guess you were right. I did throw it away.”

I started to reach for him, then pulled back.

I didn’t have permission for that yet. “I was wrong about it being the best thing that ever happened to you. Back then, you never looked even close to the way you look now with him. With Amedeo.” I’d only met him in passing—a quick hello.

But I couldn’t wait until Tucker let me get to know him.

He opened his eyes and looked up at me. “You’re right.”

“My point is, by then, I knew it was Mom and Dad fucking everything up. I was still terrified to fail. I knew I’d never be as charming or successful or as loved as you.

I was never going to be popular. I was a weird little nerd and always would be.

But if I could follow their path, I thought maybe I could at least be successful for myself.

I might meet someone and be happy. Instead, I fell for the fucking trap, and it ruined my life. ”

“I don’t know what to say. Part of me thinks you made your fucking bed, Kill.”

“Oh,” I said with a bitter chuckle, “I did make my bed. That’s not on you.

That’s not even on Mom and Dad.” Sitting back, I rubbed at my eyes, then wrapped my arms around my middle.

“I stopped blaming you for the bully shit years ago. If you need to hear it from me over and over, I’m happy to tell you, okay?

I forgive you. None of that played into the Delia thing. It wasn’t revenge. It was…”

He was holding his breath, then let it out when I didn’t finish. “It was what?”

“Me being a fool. Her using that to manipulate the fuck out of me. Me making bad decisions and not taking responsibility for them for a long, long time.” I shrugged helplessly. “Take your pick.”

He was quiet for a long beat. “I think I need to know what happened. What your PI found. ”

Fuck. I had been so prepared to tell him everything just six months ago. Now though?