Page 19 of Absolutely Pucked (Punk as Puck #3)

I didn’t know how to explain without explaining that it was a fucking terrible idea to have Killian near me, let alone entertain how much I wanted to let him dick me down again. Rubbing my hands down my face, I groaned. “It’s not going to end well, and it’s going to hurt, and that’s going to suck.”

“Life is pain, my friend. You gotta take small joys where you can find them. Like me getting rejected for kitten adoption.”

I’d almost forgotten. “Nah, fuck those guys. We are going to find you a cat, babe. Did you talk to Micah?”

He groaned and flopped his upper body forward over his thighs.

“Yes. He thinks we should get our own places, which I’m for.

I think he wants to have sex more without worrying about me hearing it.

Which I don’t mind. Having to listen to him and whoever grunt their way along with some porno is not my idea of a good night. ”

“Uh…yeah. Fair. So then a kitten is on the horizon.”

Jonah lifted his hand and traced a line in front of him. “Horizon, right? The line of the earth or whatever? ”

For a moment, I wondered how Jonah’s school had taught him about concepts he’d never see but also couldn’t touch. “Pretty much. The future that’s almost within reach. Kittens, more hockey…”

“A partner who doesn’t make me want to pull my own face off,” Jonah added.

A partner that wasn’t breaking all the rules of friendship, I said to myself. “I think most of that is doable.”

“Sweet.” Jonah’s phone beeped loudly, and he sighed. “Fuck. Kids are here. You sticking around for practice?”

Considering Hugo was giving me the stink eye about not wanting to take the C, even though I should, I knew I had to.

“Yeah. I just need to make a phone call, then get some shit ready since Boden’s taking the night off.

Oh, and when you talk to your brother, tell him it’s no big deal. I don’t need to go to Montreal.”

Especially now. That sounded like one gigantic inconvenience, and that was the last thing I needed.

Which, of course, were famous last words. Before practice was over, I’d been roped into committing to the whole fucking Montreal thing, but with Bodie instead of Micah. Which was fine, of course. I would do anything for my friends.

But it also meant leaving Killian behind in my apartment, and thinking about that made me think about Tucker. Which made me feel my own horrible, intense feelings of shame and guilt.

Throw me into the sun. I couldn’t take this much longer.

“Trying to sneak out?”

I spun around, almost toppling to the ground at the sound of Tucker’s voice. I was still dripping wet from the shower and not toweling off properly, and I caught myself on the counter before I hit the tile.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Tucker wheeled forward in his chair and yanked me down into his lap. Luckily, he was clothed, and I had my boxers on. “Are you on drugs?”

My face was burning. “Fuck you.”

He laughed and shook me before shoving me off his lap and onto the bench where my clothes were waiting for me. “No, thank you. I have a gorgeous husband to do that with now. But seriously, bud. What is your deal? You were distracted as fuck tonight.”

The truth was, I was having trouble looking him in the face. His scars and his life experience made him so much different from Killian, but the similarities were getting to me. Also, the guilt. It was like tiny rats living in my gut, gnawing their way through my intestines.

God, what a gross mental image.

“Sorry. I just have a lot of shit going on at work,” I told him. That was only a half-lie, but I still felt bad about it.

He snorted. “Yeah? Things in the grocery business getting intense?”

Spinning around, I glowered at him. “I don’t make fun of your job. ”

He sobered immediately. “Hey, I’m just kidding. Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to?—”

“No. No, it’s…it’s not you.” It was, but I couldn’t tell him why. “I just have a lot going on. This business with Bodie is stressing me out too, and now I have to go to Montreal with him, which feels like a lot.”

Tucker’s face fell. “He really needs to get his head out of his ass about this whole Hugo thing. Like, I get it. He’s not my first choice as a coach, but it’s a fucking community league, dude. The good disabled coaches are working for real money.”

Hugo obviously had money from somewhere. He dressed like an uptight corporate dickhead and drove a really nice car. But he was the least of my worries. Before I hit the ice for practice, I’d finally found the courage to look at my phone and saw Killian had texted me, letting me know he got the job.

I was elated.

Then terrified.

Tucker rarely shopped there because it was expensive as fuck, but he came in to see me sometimes, and God, I wouldn’t know what to do if he ran into his brother. I needed Killian to tell him, like, yesterday so I could get this weight off my chest.

“Ford. Hey, you good, man? Is it family shit?”

I wished it were. At least I could talk to him about that. “I, um…it’s…yeah. Can we talk about it later?”

Tucker frowned but nodded and reached over, yanking me back into his arms. His hugs were always the best, but right now, they hurt because if he knew what I’d done, he’d be punching me in the dick instead of squeezing my neck .

Still, I allowed myself to take comfort in him, breathing in the scent of the locker room soap and lingering sweat, which was kind of nasty, but soothing in its own weird way.

“Thanks,” I muttered.

He squeezed tighter. “It’s gonna be okay. You know that, right?”

“Yeah.”

Letting go, he eased back and turned his head so he could see me properly. “You want me to come stay with you for a night or two?—”

“No!” Fuck, I said that way too fast. I cleared my throat. “What? Like I’m a baby?”

He wasn’t buying it. His eyes narrowed. “Ford.”

I took a breath and managed a smile. “Seriously, I’m fine. You don’t want to be there while I’m getting drunk and jerking off to Micah’s weird goblin porn, do you?”

He grimaced and reared back. “God, please don’t tell me you’re into that shit.”

“Big green dick has some merits is all I’m saying.” I actually did kind of like the goblin porn.

“Oh my God, jail. Immediately jail. Jail forever.” He wheeled back as I burst into laughter, and I appreciated that for this short moment, everything felt kind of normal.

But I was not foolish enough to think it would last.