Page 35 of Absolutely Pucked (Punk as Puck #3)

CHAPTER

TWENTY-ONE

KILLIAN

Ten minutes felt like ten years. I had enough time to get dressed and head out into the living room, where Ford, who had also thrown something on, shoved a mug of coffee at me. He still looked pissed off.

Boden was in a chair, watching us both, his gaze sharp and unforgiving. After a short while, he waved his hand between us. “Explain this.”

“We fucked,” Ford said flatly. “You want me to draw you a diagram? Show you how I plowed his ass with my dick? Or…”

“You know what the fuck I’m asking. I want to know how it happened. How did you take leave of every goddamn sense you have in that dipshit brain of yours and make this decision?”

“Please don’t,” I said. For the first time, I sounded mean. But I wasn’t about to let Boden come at Ford like that.

Ford already felt like the black sheep of his already black sheep group of friends. I’d spent nights listening to him quietly whisper all of his insecurities, and I wasn’t about to let him believe them about himself because Boden was angry.

Boden lifted a brow at me. “You don’t get to dictate how I speak to him.”

“Maybe, but I’m not going to let you make him feel subhuman because we made a questionable choice. Yes, it wasn’t the right one, but he is a good person, and you know it. You’re not going to erase a decade of his loyalty because of one lapse in judgment. And you don’t get to make him feel small.”

“It’s fine,” Ford said. “I deserve it.”

Boden had softened, though he still looked angry. “You knew what was going to happen when we found out, Ford. I just…I don’t understand.”

“I don’t either. But it happened, and there’s nothing I can do to change it.” Ford licked his lips. “You also know that Tucker wasn’t a saint though, right? Yeah, Killian did some bad shit, but Tucker isn’t blameless.”

Boden said nothing.

A second later, before anyone else could respond, the front door opened and my brother walked in. He looked better than he did when we were in Vegas. We hardly spent any time together while we were there. I saw him for one breakfast, two lunches, and a dinner before it all fell apart.

He’d avoided me like the plague, and I was trying to make myself feel better about who I was marrying and why.

I would have given anything to take it all back.

Tucker came to a halt in the living room, and I could see that his vision was more clear. The scars over his cornea weren’t as profound as the last time I’d seen him, and he zeroed in on me right away. He stood taller somehow.

I kind of loved that for him.

“Someone better explain what the fuck is going on right now, or I’m going to blow a gasket,” Tucker said, his voice eerily calm. “Deo’s in the car with an alibi, and if that fails, bail money.”

Ford looked at me, his expression utterly helpless. I was not going to let him take the fall.

“About two months ago, Ford and I met at a club,” I said. “He didn’t recognize me at the time.”

Tucker’s gaze snapped to Ford, who lifted his hands in surrender. “He had a whole mountain man beard thing going.”

Tucker grunted, then looked back at me. “And?”

“And we slept together,” I said. “I didn’t know who he was to you that night. And when I came back into town, I met up with him again and told him who I was. Things in my life were…complicated. I didn’t have anywhere to go, so Ford took me in.”

Tucker blinked, then took a breath and burst into laughter. It didn’t sound kind. “Holy fucking shit. Did Delia kick you out because you cheated on her with my best friend? I mean, she fucking deserves it, but my God, you need to find Jesus.”

Bile rose up against the back of my throat. “I didn’t cheat.”

Tucker’s laughter died in his throat. “Oh? Did you even get down the aisle? Or did she throw you out before the vows? ”

“We did get married. It didn’t last. She’s fucking my boss.”

I couldn’t tell if Tucker wanted to laugh again. I’d never seen that expression on his face before. “Do I need to say shit about karma, or…”

“Trust me, I get it.” My voice rasped against the back of my throat, painful and tight. “I came back into town because I wanted to talk to you about…about her. About Delia.”

“Oh, fuck no,” Tucker started.

“I changed my mind when I realized you were happy. I didn’t want to ruin that, and I realized it didn’t matter how or why she and I happened.”

After a long pause, he scoffed. “You didn’t want to ruin my happiness, so you moved in with my best friend, and…oh God, are you two still screwing each other?”

I swallowed heavily, glanced at Ford, then said, “Yes. We are.”

Tucker blinked. “Really? Please explain that to me like I’m five. What fucking possessed either of you to do that and not even tell me about it!”

“I know it was the wrong choice. We were going to tell you, but…” I trailed off. There were no real excuses for what we’d done.

Tucker bit both of his lips between his teeth and breathed heavily through his nose. “So why now?” He stopped, and his eyes widened. “Ah. Boden came over and found you touching butts.”

Ford flushed. “We were sleeping, but…yes. He found out.”

“Jonah found out before him,” I added, “and he gave us an ultimatum. We had to tell you, or he would. We planned on it being today, but Boden got here before we were up.”

Tucker smiled a bit at that, for a brief second, his expression so fucking fond. “Ah, Jonah. That little shit. So you were blackmailed into the truth?”

“It was always the plan to be honest,” Ford said, speaking for the first time, “but…”

Tucker’s glare had him silenced again. “I will deal with you in a minute. Killian, seriously, why? Why him? Why are you here? Why don’t you go home and back to your sweet little lawyer job and your wife, your big house?—”

“My wife is in bed with my former boss,” I said again, feeling utterly helpless. “And I don’t have a job. I don’t have a home. She took my car while I was at a job interview down the street from here.”

“I found him soaking wet and damn near hypothermic, sitting on my doorstep,” Ford said. “I wasn’t going to let him die.”

Tucker scoffed. “So instead of calling me to deal with it, you warmed him with your penis?”

Ford spluttered, so I cut in. “Would you have actually taken me in?”

Tucker’s eyes went wide, his sighted one fixed hard on my face.

“ Yes , you fucking asshole! God, that’s…

fuck. That is so like you. You’ve decided for me—without even knowing who I am anymore—that I would just let you what?

Rot on the side of the street? All because you saved me from getting married to a monster? ”

My limbs felt weak, and it took everything in me not to drop my coffee all over the floor. I had fantasized about every scenario on the planet about what would happen when Tucker and I came face-to-face again, and never once did I imagine he’d help me.

I wanted to be sick.

“God. I just…I can’t.” He turned to Ford. “Tell me this isn’t an actual thing between you two. Tell me you’re not in love or something equally fucking foolish.”

Ford looked like he wanted to cry. I shook my head and mouthed, ‘No.’ It wasn’t worth it. This pain was not worth it.

“No,” Ford whispered.

Tucker looked back at me. “So you were just leaving, then?”

It was a question, but it also wasn’t. It was a threat.

And it was time for me to go. I still had the job at the supermarket, but in all reality, I should head out of town.

I could find a little something somewhere to hunker down in.

I could get a hotel or a little apartment somewhere. I could work at another grocery store.

Or a café.

I could wait tables.

Tend bar.

It didn’t matter.

“I was just leaving.”

Ford looked like he was being crushed to death. He didn’t look at me now. He turned his head away and wrapped his arms around his middle. I was profoundly aware of Boden looking between me and him, but if there was anyone who was going to come to our rescue, it wouldn’t be anyone in this room .

“For what it’s worth,” I started, and Tucker scoffed, “I am sorry.”

Tucker was quiet for a long moment, and then he said, “I forgive you. It’s not worth holding on to that anger.” But I knew what the price was for that forgiveness.

It wasn’t hatred. It wasn’t acceptance.

It was indifference.

I was nothing to him now.

Still, I would take it. What choice did I have? “If you ever want to know the details, call me. They don’t…they don’t matter. Not really. But I have them if you want.”

He took a breath, then turned his back on me. And that was that. The conversation was over. There was nothing more to be said.

“Tea?”

I blinked. Everything felt foggy and strange. Jonah was being overly kind to me, which I wasn’t sure I deserved. Ford had called him without my knowledge, and thirty minutes after getting packed up, an Uber showed up with Jonah in the back seat.

He came in, swept up Athena and her things, then bustled me into the car with him, and without any real conversation, we were on our way.

It was like walking through a nightmare.

Ford wouldn’t look at me, Tucker had locked himself in Ford’s bedroom, and Boden was hovering in the corner of the living room, watching like he had something to say, but steadfastly remained silent.

The gutting part was when Nugget rushed up to me and nudged my calves to be picked up. I gave her a single squeeze and a kiss on the head, and then I was gone.

And now I was here.

The apartment was sparse—a single sofa, no tables to speak of, hardwood floors, the biggest cat tree I’d ever seen in my life, and a shelf full of binders, which turned out to be braille books. Jonah gave me a cursory tour before turning all of his attention to his cat and getting her settled in.

She had a collar with a bell so he could hear her in every room, and food and water dishes placed low so she’d always be able to find them.

It was sweet. I might have enjoyed it more if I weren’t busy trying to shove my shattered heart back into my body.

“Are you conscious?” Jonah asked.

I forgot I had to be verbal with him. Clearing my throat, I shook my head. “I think if I try to put anything in my stomach, I’m going to throw up on the floor.”

“Please don’t do that. I literally just got this place.” He wrapped both of his hands around his mug and took a drink of something that was most definitely not tea. Irish coffee, if I was right about the scent.

“Do you mind if I, uh…” I trailed off.

He frowned. “If you’re gesturing, I can’t see you.”

“No. Um. Sorry. I feel a little…”

Jonah sighed and set his mug down, trailing his fingertips around the counter until he was at my side. “Come with me. I just moved in, so don’t let me smack into any walls.”

He led the way to his bedroom—I assumed it was his bedroom, with a bunch of moving boxes stacked neatly along a far wall and a huge bed with messy covers. He took shuffling steps until the front of his shins met the mattress, and then he gave me a shove, and I toppled down.

I had no strength left to fight. “Why are you helping me?”

He let out a heavy sigh and felt for my leg before sitting down. “Because in spite of your royal fuckup—and bud, this was a royal fucking fuckup—I think you’re a good guy.”

I grimaced and rolled onto my side. His hand stayed glued to my leg, and I assumed that was his form of eye contact. “Everyone would disagree with you right now.”

“No. Tucker disagrees with me right now because he’s hurt and pissed. Boden might disagree because he always takes Tucker’s side in everything. Ford is probably puking his guts out because that man is wildly in love with you?—”

“That’s…he’s not…”

“He is, and I’ll thank you not to act like I don’t know my friend,” Jonah said with a sniff. “Ford has never lied to his friends. Not ever. He would rather pull off his remaining limbs than do that. So if he did it for you, there’s a damn good reason.”

I hated to hear that. I didn’t want to hear it. That made the pain so much worse. I could deal with my own, but to know he was suffering? “I don’t know how to make it better. I will not come between him and Tucker. I can’t.”

Jonah stroked a touch up my leg, then began to rub my back gently.

I was not used to having people be tender with me.

Not like this. I leaned into it, and he chuckled.

“God, you’re such a marshmallow. I wish you hadn’t been such an epic douche bag in the past. Imagine how good it could have been if you and Tucker had come here together. ”

I didn’t want to imagine. That was killing me.

“Look,” he said after a beat, “you need to take it easy, okay? Take some time and get your shit together. It’s only been an hour since everything went down, and I’m willing to bet if you give Ford an inch, he’ll come running miles here to be with you.”

“No,” I said, sitting up halfway.

Jonah startled. “No? Why the fuck not? I know you love him too.”

I bit my cheek. I did, but I wasn’t willing to say that out loud right now.

I’d already taken the risk, and it had blown up in my face.

“It doesn’t matter how I feel. I don’t want Ford to feel like he can choose me because if he does and Tucker cuts him out, he’s going to resent me.

It’s bad enough that my brother is going to hate me forever. ”

Jonah’s face fell, and he opened and closed his mouth a few times before sighing. “I get it. I wish I had a solution for you, bud.”

“You’ve done enough. You’ve done more than anyone else has. I appreciate it. And I promise I’ll be out of your hair soon. ”

He shook his head. “Take your time. The season’s almost over, so I get to rot for a few weeks before training camp starts up. If you don’t mind the couch?—”

“I would take the floor if I had to,” I told him. “But I won’t stay long. I can’t keep working at the supermarket, and I think it would be better for Tucker if I stayed out of town.”

Jonah didn’t argue, which was appropriate but gutting. After a beat, he patted my thigh. “Take a nap, okay? You sound wrecked as hell, and the last thing I need is you collapsing on me.”

I could tell that was his way of comforting me, so I took it for what it was, turned on my side, and did my best to let sleep take me.

At least in my dreams, if I was lucky, none of this would be real, and Ford would be with me.