Page 70 of Above (Darkness Reigns #1)
Nova
“I wonder if there will ever be a day that I don’t feel fucking worthless.”
O ne month after the Castle Zade attack, life began to feel less than pointless. It was exhausting. Overwhelming. Empty.
Air blew in through the open window of Talon and I’s old barracks room.
It would lie empty for twenty-five years, as if nothing had ever happened.
Across the hall was Altair’s old room, where he had brutally tore out the heart of his lover.
Where he walked out and had spoken to me like I was worth something for the first time.
Where he had plotted the slaughter of my family.
Now, every room was void of anything but the stripped furniture. Nothing but memories filling them otherwise.
Our window looked out onto the beach, the spot where I had stood with Altair making my stomach turn and twist.
I wished I would have killed him in his cell. Or left him for dead in the Star District. Anything other than walk away. Because now he was gone, and my family would never receive justice.
Maybe I should have killed all of the cores. Surely I’d have been punished, but my family would be alive and happy. At least then the world would be a better place. Now the vibrancy was gone—shining silver dulled to grey.
My mind wandered to the note they had found in Altair’s cell. Talon had brought it to me, and I found myself regularly reading it. I tugged it out of my pocket, though I knew it by heart now.
I did what needed to be done to ensure the new order. To bring the rise of the core values and make Dajahim pure again. I live with no regrets other than not doing it sooner.
A sick excuse. A pathetic reason. The snake eagerly slithering into his place as a monster.
But I was no better. It was my own fault they were there in the first place, and I would never forgive myself.
“Nova Tershetta, we see your intentions. We ask you not to make rash decisions,” the stars hissed, as if mocking my train of thought. I ignored them, not interested in hearing their pleas. They’d find someone else soon enough. But I was ready to be free.
Stepping up onto the window sill, my boots slipping at first, I lifted myself. When I had a good grip on the top edge, I straightened my feet.
One jump, so quick I probably wouldn’t even get a second to register it, and I’d be with my family in the sky, soaring across the universe where we all belonged.
All I had to do was lean forward and let the ground take me.
“Mama, Dad, Celeste, I’m coming home,” I whispered into the damp night air. Then I leaned forward and let go.
For a second, I could have sworn I was falling, my death imminent and my family near, but then I felt my night dress being yanked, the fabric slicing into my neck. A deep grunt of effort sounded, followed by large hands gripping my arms, hauling me back up and into the harsh reality of life.
When I was through the window, the person unceremoniously yanked me to the ground, making my back ache with pain.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Talon yelled, his breath coming in quick pants. I lay there on my back, staring up at him with a frown.
“I have nothing to live for.”
“Are you kidding me?” he asked, his voice bordering on hysterical.
He had been trying to talk to me for weeks.
I knew he needed someone too, but I blamed us.
We had taunted Altair. We had flaunted our relationship.
We had put my family in danger. I hated him and I just as much as I hated Altair.
So I had been avoiding him at all costs, my work with the general aside.
“Nova, what could possibly possess you to think that? You have me! I lost my parents and sister too. I, of all people, understand. And I’ve loved you through it all. You’re all I care about anymore, yet you have the audacity to say you’re alone?”
Staring at him, I remained silent, wishing he’d leave so I could jump. I was far too weak to use a blade, and while I knew what poisons would work, I was fearful of a slow death. The jump was my best option, and he was ruining it.
“You’re really not going to say anything?” He sat across from where I lay, his hands in his lap, his shoulders slumped. Like always, Talon was asking me for more than I could give, his despair hurting me just as my own did.
There was nothing to say though. I wanted my family.
I couldn’t simply replace them and feel better.
My life existed for them. I revolved around their bodies like a planet to a sun, their gravity pulling me into their orbit.
Without them, I not only suffered without love, but without purpose as well.
“Supernova,” he pleaded, laying down on the ground next to me and tugging me into his warmth. He kissed my head, massaging it after, a stray tear landing on my cheek that was pressed into his chest. “I need you. Please don’t give up on me. Please stay.”
That got me. His suffering always had. Tears began streaming down my cheeks, a floodgate opening and releasing the built up water. I was a mess against him, my heart racing and hiccuped sobs beginning.
“I don’t know how to go on,” I explained, my chest physically aching. He tucked me in tighter, his legs intertwining with mine as my body began shaking. “Don’t make me stay. I don’t want to be here anymore.”
His hands released my back, going to my cheeks and lifting my chin, his lips meeting mine. He kissed me deeply, lovingly, his soft pout skimming across the entirety of my face after. Again and again he kissed me, mumbling confessions of love and promises of better.
I didn’t believe any of it.