Page 26 of Above (Darkness Reigns #1)

Nova

“Life reminds me of chess. You’re constantly making moves, trying to outwit everyone around you. But in the end, we’re all just pawns being prepared for sacrifice.”

I t turned out that dinner with Zade was just me letting him sit next to me in the dining hall as I ate. While I sat there, unable to pull myself out of my swarming mind, Zade talked. On and on he droned, telling me more stories of his life that I struggled to pay attention to.

Casually, he mentioned that his father beat him to near death the previous summer, and I found myself unable to take another bite of my steak and potatoes. Stars, they were fucked up.

All I could think to say was that I was sorry, but he only laughed it off.

At one point, I summoned parchment and graphite, preparing to pen a letter to my family while he discussed what sounded like the time he got drunk with Priya Otarn and his older sister, Dove, who then threw him off a small hill and shattered his shoulder. Fucked up, psychotic people.

Sighing, I began the letter.

Family Dearest,

I hope you’re all doing well. Not sure why, but it feels like years since I’ve seen you three (Four? Three and a half? I don’t know how to count Death). Anyways, please update me on the shop. How is business with all of the protests? Dad, how are you feeling after that cold?

Things are fine here. I got assigned to the Alchemy Division, not that it’s a surprise to anyone. I’m fitting in well, and I’ve even made a friend (someone hit Celeste for me. That’s right, I know you’re laughing at the idea of me having a friend, ass).

I miss you all so much.

Love, Nova

Lying seemed like the only smart option. What else would I say?

I’m falling so far behind that I’m terrified I won’t be able to catch up, plus everyone hates me?

That would definitely convince them to take their haya and believe in my ability to save them. Surely an utter failure like me could accomplish anything.

“What has you scowling like that?” Zade asked. His chin was resting on his palm, not the slightest hint of annoyance on his face.

“None of your business,” I hissed, standing up and quickly collecting my things before darting towards the double doors, my knee aching. Apparently, my poor attitude was not enough to deter Zade, who followed closely at my heels as I burst through the doors.

“Actually, seeing as we are friends now, I figure it’s sort of my business.” Growling in frustration, I turned on him, ready to swing if that was what it took to get him to understand my disinterest. “Woah there, haven’t you ever been told not to bite the hand that feeds you?”

“Yeah, because you’re somehow helping me.”

“I will be beginning tomorrow.”

“Why? What’s in it for you?” I shouted.

Moments passed, nothing but secrets and assumptions between us. Then, to my surprise, Zade let his smile fall.

“We might not know each other well, but I can see in you what I think even you can’t. I’ve already told you before, you have the potential to be so much more than you understand.”

“I’m one of the worst in our class of trainees, so spare me the pep talk. You either tell me your real reason or you leave me the fuck alone.”

Sighing, he brought his hand up to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose until his russet skin turned red. “Utterly impossible woman,” he mumbled.

“Bye,” I grunted.

“No, wait! Okay, okay. I wasn’t lying before, but I also think you will be a big help to me in the black phase. If you haven’t guessed yet, us core kids aren’t exactly mentally sound. I will need your help later just as much as you need mine now.”

Scrutinizing him, I allowed myself a moment to think.

Would a core family not teach their children everything they knew about Elite Academy?

Maybe if they wanted them to fail. But no, their legacy was everything to them.

Their entire argument when it came to purity relied on their own superiority.

So he was lying then. Yes, he had a fucked up childhood, but his parents would never let him fail this.

“I don’t believe you.” He threw his head back, groaning in what sounded like exasperation. “The truth would save us both time.”

“Fine! I like you, okay? I find you interesting and exciting. Selfishly, I want more time with you, which means I’m more than willing to get you through this phase. Is that good enough for you?”

Liked me? Please. I’d sooner believe that he wanted my help. But I could see him potentially wanting to sleep with me. Perhaps Zade had a secret fondness for naked of eadi.

Well, sex could be bartered, at least. But was it worth it? How, beyond the training, could he help me?

For the first time since we met at the border, Altair had perfect timing. He, along with a group of our doting classmates, walked through the double doors, our eyes meeting briefly.

Zade could protect me.

“Lets go to your room,” I mumbled, grabbing Zade by the sleeve and dragging him toward the doors that led outside. He remained silent, dutifully following my lead as I took us into the night and headed to the barracks.

Talon showed me around his room with bright eyes and bouncing steps, not that there was much to see.

As I previously noted, he had his own bathroom and an enormous closet, but there wasn’t a ton filling the space.

It was exactly as it had been two weeks before.

My roommates had decorated our room with items from home, but I had been too afraid to even unpack my books.

The possibility of them turning on me was too high, and they could destroy everything if they wanted.

“You can sit anywhere. What’s mine is yours,” he hummed between smiling lips.

“We aren’t getting married, Talon, it’s just an agreement.”

“I love it when you say my name.”

“Stars above.” Groaning, I crossed my arms, shielding myself from his supposed affections.

“So, what did you realize you could get from me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Suddenly you wanted to come to my room after trying to run away from me,” he pointed out, his voice teasing as he sat down on his plush bed. “What changed your mind?”

“Maybe I like you too.”

“Eventually you will, but that’s not what got you here. You’re a thinker. That big brain of yours saw an advantage to this. What is it?”

Did I give away my desires now? When he still held so much of the power? He knew that I would benefit from any training he offered me, but that hadn’t been enough before, so clearly it wouldn’t be enough now.

Yes, best to just be honest. “I want you to protect me from your friends.”

“That’s it? I’m already doing that.”

What a poor job you’ve done, then.

Getting to the important part of the deal, I straightened my back and lifted my chin before saying, “If sex is what you want in exchange for the training and the protection, that’s fine with me.”

Talon’s face noticeably paled, the dark shade of his skin taking on a sort of grey hue. He stood, lifting his hands as if to ward off my words. “Woah, hold on. Are you offering yourself to me right now?”

“Isn’t that what you were suggesting outside the dining hall?”

“No—I—Well—I meant—” he stuttered, his voice cracking.

“Seriously, it’s not a big deal. At least I understand what you want now. As long as we—“

“Stop! Nova, I am not trading training for sex. That’s crazy.”

“I’m confused,” I said, throwing up my hands in exasperation. Because if he didn’t want to fuck me, then what did he want? I had so little to give, and if I wasn’t bringing anything to the table, then I couldn’t trust him not to turn on me.

“You’re so strange, you know that? Why can’t you believe that I only want to help you? Strings don’t have to be attached to everything.”

“Actually, yes they do. That’s how this world works.

Someone is always the puppet, held up by the strings attached to the one thing keeping them going.

I’m not stupid enough to believe you want nothing.

That’s not realistic.” Talon looked at me as if I had just punched him in the face.

In truth, I was considering it. This whole thing was pointless.

He was probably just toying with me to amuse his friends.

“Why aren’t you ever with your friends and sister?

Is it a game you’re playing? Am I some weird tool, or bet, or joke to you all? ”

“Of course not!” he shrieked before taking in a deep breath. I noted how he began to twitch. No, shake. It was his left leg, the bounce seemingly unintentional. “What happened to make you so paranoid? The world isn’t half as bad as you think it is.”

“That’s because you lived your entire life pampered and surrounded by more than you could ever need!

” I finally shouted back, losing my temper and calm.

“You have never had to fear that those around you didn’t have your best interest at heart.

You have never had to wonder if your family would starve or die.

Every day of your life has been soaked in privilege to the point that it practically pours out of you.

Not all of us had that luxury. Some of us had to lie and steal and, yes, fuck our way through life.

While I don’t expect you to understand, I would hope that you are at least able to acknowledge your own biases and put away your sense of entitlement for five seconds! ”

Chests rising and falling in rapid succession, we each stared the other down, neither willing to be the first to concede.

A knock at the door had us both jumping, the anger enveloping me morphing into unease.

Had he invited his friends to come watch as he did something horrible to me?

Was everything up until this point an act?