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CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

RACHEL

“Can I get you anything else?” Maryanne asked me, motioning to my empty glass as we sat by the pool. The weather had turned cloudy and a little cool on Saturday morning, so instead of a nice late-June day of swimming, my sister and Silas were having their own two-person softball game in his parents’ huge yard.

“No thank you,” I said, still watching them.

I could tell Taylor was tiring out, but my sister wouldn’t stop until she got a hit.

“It’s cute that Silas still has his old equipment here.”

“Oh, I could never get rid of anything,” she said, chuckling as she waved a hand. “The glove is probably a little snug on his big adult hand, but he’s making do.”

I caught my sister’s frustrated sigh every time she swung and missed the ball. She was a good hitter when she made contact, but from what I could tell, her strength was on the field rather than behind the plate.

Silas walked up to her each time, fixing her stance and whispering something before he’d jog back to throw another pitch. I’d seen countless videos of him playing when I wrote the article. Lately, when I was down bad alone in my bed, missing him and stalking baseball pages and YouTube clips into the early hours of the morning just to see his face.

Watching him do something as simple as jog or throw sent me into a pathetic trance. The way his body twisted when he’d swing, so strong and sure, had me drooling everywhere. All that masculine grace and beauty would suck me in for hours until I’d fall asleep with the phone in my hand.

Silas was gorgeous and talented and, somehow, by an odd stroke of luck, all mine.

Taylor nodded after he called something out to her, and this time, the aluminum bat hit the ball with a loud crack, sailing over Silas’s head.

I smiled when she pumped her arms up in victory and then folded in exhausted relief.

“He’s a good coach,” I mused, not realizing I was getting choked up until my voice cracked.

“Yes. I knew he would be.” Maryanne sent her son a wistful smile. “He was devastated when he couldn’t play anymore, but I’m so glad he found a way to stay in the game.” She met my gaze, a smile twitching at the corners of her mouth. “I’m glad he found you, too.”

I smiled, a rush of heat flushing my cheeks.

“So am I.”

“Your sister is a beautiful girl. Very sweet. You’ve done a great job with her. Which couldn’t have been easy, being so young yourself.”

“I’m guessing Silas told you how…” I trailed off, cringing, as I didn’t want to ruin a lovely weekend by bringing up my flake of a mother.

“You’re on your own, yes.” She bobbed her head in a slow nod. “Being a parent isn’t easy, even when you have help. Doing it all alone and so well is an incredible thing.”

“You sound like Silas,” I said, finding his gaze as he scooped up the ball and handed Taylor a glove. He threw me a quick wink with enough intent to trigger a full-body shiver.

Staying quiet had been a struggle last night. Every time Silas and I were able to spend the night together, it was like a marathon. Neither of us wanted to go to sleep because we never knew when the next night would be.

We were here until Sunday afternoon, but then he’d be away again, and I’d be sleeping with my phone on a pillow that still smelled like Silas, waiting to hear his voice after his game ended.

As excruciating as it was, I didn’t mind the time apart as much as I hated the sneaking around when we were together.

“I have never seen Silas lit up like this. It’s been years since I’ve seen him so relaxed and happy.”

When Maryanne smiled, she looked exactly like her son. Silas shared his height and massive frame with his dad, but the kind eyes were all his mother’s.

I didn’t mention it, but I’d noticed a few shots of Silas and his brother on the walls in their living room and along the staircase. Silas radiated the same kindness as his parents, but the chip on his brother’s shoulder was evident in every picture.

I knew how it was to have difficult family members who were better off estranged—or, at least, I hoped my mother would stay that way.

“Silas has me pretty lit up too.”

“You love him.”

My head shot up to her raised brow. It was an observation not a question.

“Yes,” I allowed. “He’s…” I sucked in a long breath and rubbed my eyes. “He’s everything.”

“I can tell. When he divorced Emmy, I was afraid he’d never put himself out there again. I’m very glad I was so wrong.” She tapped my leg and stood, shifting back toward the house. “You mean the world to him too.”

He hadn’t put himself out there so much as I clobbered him when he strolled by, not giving him a choice but to notice me.

It was a meet-cute I never could’ve written because it was too farfetched to actually happen. I wouldn’t have thought a real chance for Silas and me would ever happen after that either, but here we were.

Here I was.

I’d leave here with a full heart and another jersey. I had all these big feelings for him that I couldn’t totally explain and grew stronger each day.

A love of a lifetime was a phrase I threw around in my books, having an idea of what it meant but zero clue what the true weight of it could feel like. It seemed way too soon, but if that wasn’t what Silas was becoming to me, I didn’t know how else to explain it. The notion of falling in love with anyone would’ve scared the hell out of me a few months ago, but I was in too deep to run from it now.

“I can’t wait to step up to the plate next season.” Taylor’s face was red as she ran her hand over her sweaty forehead.

Silas laughed. “Don’t get cocky. Just remember what I said. Patience, right?”

She nodded. “I think I’m going to skip the drive into town with you. I need a shower and to sit for a while.” She leaned forward, pressing her hands against her thighs.

“You were at it a while, kiddo.” I pulled at her damp ponytail. “We can wait if you want.”

“No, it’s okay. You guys go.” She glanced back at Silas and snuck me a smile.

After all this time of avoiding entanglements with men because I was afraid to bring them around my sister, Taylor was not only okay with my being with Silas, but she was always pushing for us to be alone.

I’d babied my sister since the day she was born, but the older she became, the more I realized how much I might’ve underestimated her.

“All right,” Silas said, tossing his glove onto the deck. “We’ll be back,” he told his mother as he grabbed my hand, holding my gaze as he pressed a kiss to my wrist.

“We’ll let Taylor recover, and I’ll show you around.”

“More Silas Jones landmarks. I can’t wait,” I joked, leaning into him when he drew me into his side.

I wished it could always be like this. Silas helping my sister, getting to climb into bed with him every night, everyone around knowing we were together and in love. Or, I was.

Writing it for so many years hadn’t prepared me for the wonder and sheer terror when you loved someone with every cell in your body.

“I’m not used to all this nature,” I quipped, gazing out the window. “This town is cute.”

“A lot of city imports live up here. There are more New York accents around town than in Brooklyn, I think.”

“Do you get recognized when you come home?”

“Yes and no. I always played on the West Coast, so unless they knew me from when I lived here, no one really knew who I was unless they were a big baseball fan.”

Silas smirked right before he made the next turn.

“My old high school is up this road. Want to see where I used to play?”

“I’d love to.” I sifted my fingers through the hair at the back of his neck. “I love seeing where you grew up. It’s been nice getting to know your family too.”

“I told you they’d love you,” he said, squeezing my knee. “You were all nerves for nothing.”

“Yes, you were right,” I admitted. “They’re really great.”

“But…?” Silas prompted.

“No but. How could there be a but? Your parents are adorable and wonderful.”

“But how are they so wonderful and their sons don’t speak?” He lifted a brow at me as he turned into the empty school parking lot and cut his engine.

“Well, that may have crossed my mind.” I lifted a shoulder. “They’re so warm and loving, and you’re like a big sexy cinnamon roll.”

“Cinnamon roll?”

“It’s a romance term. Means you’re sinful on the outside and sweet and mushy on the inside. At least, that’s my definition.”

He laughed, rubbing his hands up and down the steering wheel.

“I have cousins I consider more like siblings. Just because someone is related by blood doesn’t always make them family.”

“Oh, don’t I know it.” I leaned over to kiss his cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Most of my family memories are good, and it’s nice to come home.” He coasted his hand up my thigh and inched closer. “And really nice to come home with you.”

How I wished he could come home with me and stay. Maybe he could one day. This weekend was a fun if cruel game of pretend.

We climbed out of the truck, and I followed Silas to the huge baseball field in the back of the school grounds.

“I almost have chills. I can just picture you on that field.” I stepped in front of Silas. “Filling out those tight pants to perfection.” I slid my hands over his hips. “It’s a nice image.”

He dropped his head back and laughed.

“You’re just remembering all the dirty things I did to you while you wore my school jersey last night.”

“Maybe,” I said, lifting a shoulder as heat rose up my neck.

“Come on, we can sit on the bleachers for a while.”

I followed as he pulled me by the hand. The empty field was almost eerie, the breeze whistling over the open space.

“I can’t believe we go home tomorrow,” I said, cuddling up next to him on the bench. “And then you’ll be in California.”

I felt his chuckle against my cheek. “You keep up with our schedule better than the travel secretary.”

He snickered when I nudged his shoulder. “Sorry if I miss you when you’re gone. Jerk.”

He pressed a kiss to my temple.

“I know, sweetheart. I miss you when I’m gone too. But then I come back.” He lifted his arm and wrapped it around my shoulders. “I love coming back to you.”

“Know what I think about?” I let out a long breath as I cuddled into his chest.

“What’s that?” he asked, goose bumps running down my neck as he whispered in my ear.

“That lunch we had at Park Palace. Being together in public and enjoying it, even though we weren’t supposed to.”

I felt his chuckle against my cheek.

“I wish I could just go on a date with you. Go somewhere and eat at the same table without worrying over getting caught. I love when you come over and stay—and the couple of times I’ve spent the night at your apartment. I know it sounds stupid.”

“It doesn’t. I hate the sneaking around as much as you do. I want to go on dates with you too, baby.” He cradled my cheek. “Show you off and let everyone know you’re mine. But it’s not forever. It’s for now. And as long as I have you, I’ll deal with whatever I have to.”

He had me, all right. Since I was a kid, I’d sworn I’d never plan my life around a boy. I wouldn’t assimilate to whatever guy I was dating like my mother did, and I’d be my own person. It was all part of my vow never to be like her.

I wasn’t planning around Silas. I wanted to plan with him.

“Would making out with a jock on the bleachers round out the high school fantasy?” Silas asked, draping his hand across my throat to lift my head. The wicked smile curving his lips was somehow full of love at the same time.

Or maybe that was all my crazy love for him reflected at me.

“To be honest, in my fantasy, it was a football player, but I can settle.”

He reached for my waist, tickling my side before hauling me onto his lap, our faces so close his breath fanned hot against my chin.

“Well then, I’ll have to make it really good, so you forget everyone but me.”

Silas took my mouth in a hungry kiss. It was deep and dirty, yet somehow so sweet tears pricked my eyes. He slid his hands up and down my thighs, digging his fingers into my hips as he dragged me closer. I whimpered into his mouth as his low groan vibrated against my chest.

“Good?” He rested his forehead against mine, his lips still wet from our kiss as a smile danced across his mouth.

“Not bad,” I teased, pressing my mouth to his for another slow kiss. My toes curled in my sneakers when his tongue slid against mine. I didn’t want this kiss, this moment, or this weekend to end.

Instead of losing myself in Silas, I’d found who I really was—and who I could be if I stopped letting old fears get in the way.