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CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

RACHEL

“Your heels should be higher,” Taylor said as she perched on the edge of my bed, eyeballing the modest black wedge heels I’d picked for tonight.

“Tay, I’d like to be able to walk without killing myself or having to endure unbearable pain.”

I narrowed my eyes at her reflection in my bedroom mirror as I twined a piece of hair around my curling iron.

Yes, I had enough to worry about and keep track of tonight. Whether I’d be able to walk wasn’t something I wanted to add on to my already piling anxiety.

I’d attended client galas before and never minded them, other than the hassle of making sure my sister was taken care of for the night. Since she was sleeping over at a friend’s house, I should have been able to go out worry-free and have a good time without rushing home.

However, anticipating a night with Silas in the general vicinity, in a suit or tux that would cling to his broad chest and massive shoulders, had me so on edge I almost burned my fingertips three times as I tried to get ready.

I unplugged the curling iron and set it carefully on my dresser as I ran my fingers through the curls to loosen them up. I met my smoky eyes in the mirror and sucked in a long breath. My black cocktail dress had some shimmer along the hem and was snug enough to both lift my boobs and taper my waist.

I swiveled around and glanced at my reflection over my shoulder. Not bad. All that extra effort, despite almost singeing off my fingerprints, had been worth it. The dress was sexy but not over the top, good for a work function and to maybe catch the eye of a man I really needed to stop thinking about.

Gayle had been happily surprised when I’d told her about the Bats sponsoring my sister’s team, all excited for more of an inside scoop on the team and how they fostered community in the borough they played in, even though sponsorships were her idea.

If we were seen talking tonight, it wouldn’t put anyone on alert unless we talked to or stared at each other for too long, something that seemed to be a struggle for both of us. We’d been lucky enough to be in busy places where no one was paying attention, but at an event like this, chatting and lingering were more obvious.

I hoped we’d end up on opposite sides of the room, but something told me we’d be sitting with a bunch of the Brooklyn Bats staff, including their gorgeous manager.

I packed my lipstick into my clutch for the night as the doorbell rang.

“Tina’s mom is always on time,” I said, smiling at my sister as I reached down to lift her backpack. “Have a great time, and I’ll pick you up in the morning.” I pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her forehead. She was getting so tall, I barely had to bend anymore.

“Can you text me some pictures?” she asked as she pulled the straps onto her shoulders. “Especially of Becker.”

“You moved on from Silas?” I teased as I walked her to the door. If so, at least one of us had.

“Becker was so nice after the game. And he’s going to look so hot in a suit tonight.”

I couldn’t help but laugh when her head fell back with a deep sigh.

I was sure he would and that I wouldn’t notice because I’d be mesmerized by a different suit. Only I wouldn’t be free to unbutton his dress shirt in his hotel room like the last time.

I had to remind myself it was the one time, not the last time. Even the language my brain used for Silas was tempting me toward a repeat that couldn’t happen.

“Hey, Rach,” Tina’s mom, Bonnie, greeted us when we opened the door. “You look great!”

“You’re not used to seeing me out of jeans and leggings. Truthfully, neither am I.”

I turned to kiss Taylor’s temple. “Have a great time tonight. And thank you, Bonnie.”

“Come on,” Tina said from behind her mother, grabbing Taylor’s arm. “Wait until you see all the stuff we bought for tonight.”

Tina was petite, her curly black hair framing her face like a halo as she pulled my much-taller sister down our front stairs and toward their car.

“We bought a lot of junk for tonight, but I promise she won’t come home with a stomachache.”

I waved a hand. “Just send home some Oreos if you have any left.”

“Will do, and you really do look great tonight,” Bonnie whispered.

“Work thing, but it’s nice to get dressed up once in a while,” I said with an almost believable nonchalance, as if I hadn’t obsessed over my dress and hair for the past three hours for the man I wasn’t supposed to be this excited to see.

I waved one more time before I shut the door behind me and ran upstairs to grab my phone and wrap.

“Look at you,” Mrs. Ruiz, our downstairs tenant, said from behind me after I came downstairs and pulled up the Uber app on my phone.

“I hope that’s a good look at you ,” I said with a chuckle. She was more of a family friend than a tenant, but I could never stop calling her Mrs. Ruiz.

“It’s a wonderful look at you .” She looked me over with a smirk, arching her gray brow. “Get it, girl,” she told me before shutting the door to her downstairs apartment.

Our circle was small, and lately, being at the center of it brought on a new exhaustion. When my sister would be out for a day and night, it would highlight the loneliness I fought to keep from breaking the surface.

Taylor and I had each other, but I couldn’t help feeling all alone in this world sometimes.

The app said my car would be here in ten minutes, and I headed outside to wait on my stoop, not realizing someone was behind me as I locked my front door.

“Mom? What are you doing here?”

My mother’s wide smile faded at my words. It hit me how much Taylor was beginning to look like her, something I’d never noticed—or my subconscious had worked overtime to ignore. Her dark eyes roamed up and down my body before she met my gaze again.

“I guess I caught you on the way out. Nice dress, even if you should have gotten the size up.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “Yeah, thanks. I’ll ask you again—what are you doing here?”

“Jared and I had plans in the city, so I thought I’d stop by to say hi.” She motioned behind her to the tall, bald man on the sidewalk. He seemed younger than Mom, the shadow of hair on his head suggesting he’d shaved his hair off rather than lost it. A slimy grin pulled across his mouth as he stuffed his inked arms into his black pants, his gaze traveling over me in a way that made me want to jump back in the shower.

“Taylor isn’t home, and I’m on my way out.” I pushed past her and headed down the stairs, willing the car to somehow get here faster.

“We can wait inside, then?—”

“No, you can’t. I changed the locks, and I don’t want you and your new one in my house.”

“My new one?” Mom pressed her manicured hand to her chest. As much of a flake as she’d always been, she was always put together. Looking after herself was never one of her issues, only her kids. “You don’t even know Jared?—”

“And I’ll bet you hardly do either. I am out of energy for you and this and, right now, out of time. So again, you aren’t staying at my house?—”

“Your house,” she spat out. “I grew up here just like you?—”

“You never grew up. That’s why Grams left it to me and told me to change the locks. I didn’t when you were pregnant, but now that I am Taylor’s guardian, that was the first thing I did after we signed the papers.”

By the mercy of God, my car pulled up to the curb after I stomped to the sidewalk.

“I don’t know what the big deal is. We wouldn’t stay long, and I thought you’d like to meet?—”

“We wouldn’t. Taylor gets uneasy when you’re around. She’s old enough to know it’s not normal to have your mother stop by only every few months.”

“So, I can’t say hi to my kids? Why are you like this?”

“Nope. And I’m like this because, unlike you, I care about my kid. Yes, my kid, officially and legally, according to the state of New York. And this is my house.” I pointed to the door. “So, leave, or I’ll call the cops when I get back.”

I jogged to the car and slammed the door, watching as my mother shook her head as she came down the stairs.

My mother hadn’t brought any men home after she’d had my sister, probably because she didn’t want to introduce them to a small child and make herself seem less fun in their eyes.

My mother’s boyfriends had never touched me because my grandmother would never leave me alone with any of them, but a few had looked like they’d wanted to when I was around Taylor’s age.

Jared’s slimy stare had brought back that gross, dirty feeling that had always made my skin crawl.

If she thought she was bringing her parade of losers near my sister, she’d lost what was left of her mind. I’d have to call Aunt Lucy to get in touch with her lawyer and maybe get a restraining order going.

I texted Mrs. Ruiz as the cab turned onto the highway, letting her know my mother had stopped by and to keep an eye out if she tried to get inside.

Mrs. Ruiz: DON’T THINK ABOUT THAT WOMAN. HAVE A GOOD TIME WITH YOUR BEAUTIFUL DRESS AND GET SOME.

The driver’s head whipped to mine when I let out a cackle. She never knew how to take caps off to text, but I could hear her yelling. She’d always hated my mother for what she’d put my grandmother and me through, and she’d adored my sister ever since she was a baby.

My small circle was good. A bad seed from the past wouldn’t ruin it. Being around a handsome man all night who drove me to reckless distraction didn’t seem so bad anymore.

It seemed like a beautiful escape, as long as I remembered not to run too far.