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CHAPTER TWO

RACHEL

I had never been so embarrassed in all my life, although past humiliations had never paid off like this.

My writing time was usually before dawn, before God and the sun were up, when I could guarantee no distractions.

My little sister had caught me talking to myself a few times or making strange gestures in the air when she’d woken up early. I never knew if these were common writer idiosyncrasies or if I was just weird, but I’d never given it a second thought since I was in the privacy of my home office. I’d created a secluded corner against my living room wall, with only my thirteen-year-old sister to catch me making a fool of myself when I’d get lost in the moment.

When I’d hit that dreaded halfway point in my manuscript where I always wound up stuck, I’d been desperate to figure out a way to get past the block and finish this damn thing, but nothing had worked.

I had a free day and night for a change, so I trekked to Williamsburg from my brownstone apartment in Park Slope. I’d settled at a table on the outside terrace of a new hotel, armed with a large coffee and a mission for five thousand words by the time I went home.

I’d finally nailed the scene I’d been needling with all damn day and pumped out my arms in celebration, one fist landing right into the granite gut of the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen.

When I met his hazel gaze, I’d fallen into a full-body panic. People had been arrested and sued for much less, but not only wasn’t he mad, he’d seemed to get a kick out of it.

And then he asked me to have dinner with him.

Things like this didn’t happen in my life, at least not off the page. I’d always found Williamsburg fascinating, thanks to the diversity of its residents: families, hipsters, and some corporate types. The area was homey yet industrial, and I could attach a story to anything and anyone I’d see when I’d stroll along the sidewalks.

But this was the first time I was the story.

Silas followed me down the street to the taco place I’d planned to visit in celebration before my subway train ride home, about half a block away from the hotel. The warmth from his presence behind me radiated down my back, the nape of my neck tingling from the feel of his eyes on me.

I’d fumbled through an apology, mortified that I’d gotten so lost in my story that I didn’t know where I was or what I was doing, but I’d sworn I’d felt an odd yet potent crackle between us. I was scrambling for what else to do or say when I’d offered to buy this strange man coffee as penance for jabbing him in what felt like a rock-hard six-pack.

His gaze lingered on me as if he were taking me in, although I wasn’t sure if he was just trying to decipher if I was crazy or not.

If it was the latter, I couldn’t blame him, although he didn’t seem that put off by it if he wanted to have dinner with me.

This restaurant wasn’t fancy, and I’d always loved the dive bar feel as much as their guacamole, but as I stood behind him waiting to be seated, I felt very underdressed. I couldn’t help giving him a once-over, his muscles working under the sports coat snug enough to accentuate his tapered waist and the black pants that made his ass sing.

I’d taken him for a corporate type, but most suits wouldn’t have been so easygoing after a strange woman punched them in the stomach. His full beard was cropped close enough to make out his chiseled jaw. His dark hair was short and neat, but longer in the back. It looked soft and lush, beckoning me to run my fingers through it or grab a fistful.

Jesus, what was wrong with me today? I needed to get out of romance-writer mode since this was real life and I couldn’t openly drool over this very kind man who wanted to have dinner with me instead of having me arrested for public assault.

My mouth watered as I eyed a tray of margaritas on top of the bar, tempted to double fist them to both get over the embarrassment of how we’d met and relax enough to make conversation.

The inside lights were dim as usual, even though it was more late afternoon than early evening, but when Silas’s hazel eyes met mine, the lights made them seem an almost translucent gold. My eyes fixated on his—again—until he pointed behind us.

I was so into whatever reaction I was having to this man, I hadn’t noticed the hostess leading us to a table.

“Hope this is okay,” I said after we slid into one of the booths. The cracked vinyl brushed along the back of my jeans as I set my bag next to me. “This was the first thing I could think of and where I’d planned to go anyway.”

I nodded a thank-you to the waitress when she set down two glasses of water, and I took two gulps, the cool liquid down my throat centering me enough to unclench my shoulders.

“This is fine. Like I said, I didn’t know where to go and was distracted by too many options.” He shot me a crooked smile, heating my insides all over again.

Had I ever had dinner with a man this attractive? If I had, it had been long enough ago that I couldn’t recall it. Hell, when was the last date I’d had? Life blurred pretty damn fast when you had two jobs and a kid.

“I’d like to treat you. It would make me feel better about the whole punching you in the stomach thing.”

“You don’t have to treat me,” he said with a deep chuckle that permeated down to my toes. “You didn’t hurt me. And having dinner with a beautiful woman isn’t a hardship. No need to treat.”

Heat crept up my neck at the raspy way he’d said I was beautiful. Having dinner with a handsome stranger already seemed reckless, but my full-body reactions to Silas were trouble for more reasons than I wanted to consider.

And couldn’t even if I did want to.

I watched him as he studied the menu, a crease between his dark brows as his eyes roamed back and forth.

This was not the example I worked like hell to set for my sister. Our mother went off with different men all the time, but I wasn’t her. Or at least, I was trying like hell not to be.

Yet here I was, sitting at this table, fighting an odd yet immediate attraction to someone I didn’t know.

Our mother had probably done this a million times, only without the remorse and trepidation. For the first time in my life, I almost wished I could be like her. She’d enjoy the man sitting across from her and not give her daughters a second thought.

My pesky conscience wouldn’t let me do that.

I’d never blamed her for looking for love. My issue was that she’d forgotten she had kids to take care of while she was in pursuit.

A growl vibrated through my empty stomach, and I prayed the music and loud conversation muted it enough that Silas couldn’t hear.

Maybe an empty stomach was clouding my judgment of the man across from me, but I didn’t sense any danger from this guy. And while I had the chance, I wanted to know more about him. Why was he eating alone, and what was he doing staying at the new trendy hotel? He didn’t fit the part for most of the guests I’d noticed coming in and out. There were no streaks of blue or purple in his hair, and I couldn’t spot any piercings.

He could have had tattoos I couldn’t see. I’d bet he had great arms too, judging by the broad set of his shoulders. An image of him pulling off his white button-down shirt and peeling it off possibly ink-covered muscles danced in my head, causing a tug between my legs. I cleared my throat and straightened in my seat, shaking my head for a second to erase the dirty image like an Etch A Sketch.

I wanted to blame my fascination on the writer in me and not the woman who hadn’t been touched by a man in a longer time than she could quantify.

“What were you doing at the hotel? Business meeting?” I nodded to his jacket.

“Yes,” he said with a nod as he set down his menu. “I finalized an offer for a new job. I’m staying at the hotel tonight because they’re making it all official in the morning.”

He lifted a shoulder as he leaned back in his seat.

“That’s exciting! So I guess you’re moving back here?”

He nodded. “After all my meetings tomorrow, I’ll be flying back to Washington to pack the rest of my things and figure out where I’ll live when I come back. My new boss said they’d help me find something quickly so I wouldn’t be living out of a hotel.”

“Wow, that’s a big step. Relocation and everything.”

“And everything,” he said, exhaling what sounded like a defeated sigh. “Like I said, I’m from here. Not here—” he tilted his head toward the window “—from the Bronx. My parents live in Putnam County, so while the city isn’t that close to where they are, they’re excited to be able to see me without a plane ride.”

“What can I get you?” A waitress with two colorful tattoo sleeves approached our table. The flowers etched up and down her arms were striking, but not as striking as the man sitting across from me.

“The taco special and a regular margarita. Extra salt.” I smiled up at her as I handed her back the menu, trying to ignore Silas studying me in my periphery.

“I’ll keep it simple and have the same,” Silas said, shooting me a smile. Butterflies fluttered in my hollow belly.

“Wise choice,” I told him as I took another sip from my water glass, still desperate to cool off.

He searched my gaze, stretching his arm across the back of the booth.

“Whenever I travel, I always get what the locals get.” He nodded toward me. “And those margaritas caught my eye on the way in.” His smile dimmed as he leaned closer to the table. “For my…old job, I used to train a lot and always had to watch what I ate. Not that I don’t try to stay healthy now, but it’s nice to be able to have a drink and a few tacos without worrying about repercussions.”

I wanted to ask what his old job was and where he was working now, but something stopped me. While I wanted to know more about him, I didn’t want to pry or ask anything too personal.

Especially since this dinner would be as far as it would go between us.

“So, what were you writing today?” Silas asked. “I’m sure it was something good, to get you that engrossed.”

I nodded, my cheeks heating at his smirk.

“It was a scene I’d been having trouble with for a while and finally nailed. It was a good feeling until my fist landed on an innocent bystander.”

There was that chuckle again. Husky, sexy, and easy as his gaze searched mine.

“The innocent bystander didn’t mind.” The corner of his mouth tipped up. “What was the scene? Unless it’s, like, top secret.”

A laugh slipped out of me.

“No. Not top secret.” I rested my elbows on the table. “I’m a romance writer. I was writing the black moment. I mean, the big scene where everything goes south and they have to fight through it together.”

I nodded a thank-you to the waitress as she set down our drinks. The salt glistened off the rim of the glass, and I relished a tangy sip, the tequila warming my chest on the way down.

Silas’s eyes narrowed when I lifted my gaze.

“Sorry for the long explanation.”

“It wasn’t a long explanation. You just looked like you were bracing yourself for what I would say.”

“Because I’ve heard it all,” I said with a long sigh. “From both friends and family.”

He reared back, a deep crease in his brow.

“About what?”

“About writing romance.”

“What have you heard?”

I examined his face, his features genuinely curious and not ready to make some dopey joke I’d heard more times than I wanted to recall whenever I told anyone what I wrote.

“That it’s just romance. Serious readers read sci-fi or thrillers, and I just write kissing books.” I shrugged.

“They dismiss the books you write because you write romance?” He leaned his elbows on the table. Something about the way he gave me his full attention made me feel exposed, like he was seeing right through me and I couldn’t hide anything. It was exhilarating and unsettling at the same time.

“Yes, mostly.” I shrugged again. “I’m used to it.”

“You shouldn’t be.” Silas’s eyes thinned to slits. “That’s bullshit.”

I stilled as I was about to take another sip.

“It’s fine?—”

“I think of myself as a serious reader, and I read romance.”

I almost dropped my glass on the table.

“You do?” I squinted at him, and he eyed me over his glass as he took a long sip.

“That’s good,” he said as he set it down. “And yes, I do sometimes. One of the guys I used to work with liked this one college hockey series and got us all hooked. It followed four guys, and now there’s a second generation with their kids at the same college.”

“Wow,” I said, my eyes wide as I gaped at Silas. “I think I know the series you’re talking about, and I’m impressed.”

“What’s there to be impressed about? Good books are good books, right?”

“Right,” I said, biting back a smile.

“I couldn’t read the second-gen books.” He lifted a shoulder. “After following the guys while they played in college, something about their kids’ stories made me feel old. I get enough of that at work.”

A laugh escaped me at the cringe twisting Silas’s face.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, searching my gaze.

“Are you for real?” I leaned closer, squinting across the table.

“For real? What do you mean?”

“First, I randomly punch you in the stomach, and not only aren’t you mad about it, you ask me to have dinner with you. And you’re now telling me you read romance. You’re…unexpected, Silas.”

“I guess I’ll take that as a compliment,” he said with a soft chuckle. “If you love what you do, fuck what other people say. If you don’t have a passion about what you do for a living…” he started, his gaze drifting out the window. “Then what is the point of life, right?”

“Right,” I said.

Life without passion was pretty damn pointless, but I’d already traded the passion in my life for responsibility. Writing was the only luxury I had left in the little time I was able to do it.

“You sound like you speak from experience. Are you passionate about your new job?”

His shoulders shook with a chuckle.

“I was passionate about my old job. So much so that it took all my attention and focus for most of my life. But I couldn’t do it anymore, so I’m starting a new one.”

“So, this new job is a big change for you? Aside from moving across the country.”

“It is.” His gaze floated out the window again. “Trying to get excited for the new opportunity I’m grateful to have and not ponder all the ways I’ll fuck it up.”

He laughed, but it seemed hollow. He hadn’t given me any details, at least ones that could identify him and what he did for a living, but the sad pull in his features at whatever was making him so worried made my chest pinch.

“That sounds rough. I’m sorry, Silas.”

He nodded, pulling in his bottom lip as the waitress set our plates in front of us.

“It’s a good opportunity I was lucky to get. And I need to suck some things up and get my head in the game. I have no time to feel sorry for myself.”

“Don’t think of it as feeling sorry for yourself. Think of it as allowing yourself to mourn your old life. It’s okay to feel sad that something you loved ended and give yourself time before you can get excited over what’s to come.”

I scooped up one of the tacos and took a bite, the pork inside roasted to perfection as it melted on my tongue. I let go of a moan as I chewed.

When I lifted my head, a wide grin split Silas’s mouth as he stared at me.

“Listen,” I mumbled as I wiped my mouth. “It’s probably good that we met the way we did. Get all the big humiliation out of the way before you have to watch me eat.”

“It’s nice to see someone enjoying their food. I’ve gone on a couple of dates where the woman just picks at whatever she ordered, and I feel pressured to make conversation instead of eat.”

“I can eat around anyone. It’s a talent.” I said, trying like hell to forget Silas saying date . But he couldn’t have been comparing this to a date. This was… I didn’t know what this was. Dinner with a stranger. A very attractive stranger. A stranger who would give me romance-hero inspiration for a very long time.

I’d been out of the dating scene for so long, it was as if I’d never been there at all.

Maybe I hadn’t been.

“Is that why you’re staring? It’s that weird to you to see a woman actually eat?”

I laughed until he gave me a slow shake of his head.

“I’m looking at you because you’re pretty. Really fucking pretty. And I’m glad you punched me in the stomach, or else I wouldn’t be sitting here with you right now.”

A hot flush ran up my neck and heated my cheeks. I picked up my margarita and took a long sip, my mouth and throat now parched.

“Thank you,” I muttered as I set down my glass. “You’re all right too. I mean, for a gorgeous man who asks women out to dinner after they punch him.”

He laughed and picked up one of his tacos.

“Well, thank you. Now that that’s out of the way, you have me excited to take a bite.”

“I haven’t eaten for most of the day, so some of what you saw was me breaking starvation, but this is one of our favorite places in Williamsburg. I planned to come here in celebration after hitting word count because the food here is the ultimate reward.”

His brows popped as he chewed.

“This is really good,” he said, eyeing the taco in his hand. “I’ll have to come back here.” He set down the taco and brought his eyes back to mine. “Who do you usually come here with?”

“I planned to come here alone today,” I said, covering my mouth after taking another big bite.

“You mentioned that, but you said our favorite place.”

I clenched my eyes shut for a minute as I realized my slip.

“By our , I meant my sister and me.” I sucked in a long breath through my nostrils.

“Ah,” Silas said, his shoulders relaxing as he nodded, almost as if he were relieved. I needed to eat faster, as hunger combined with tequila was making me hallucinate.

“My brother and I don’t share a favorite restaurant or really anything except for the same parents, and the only time I run into him is when we happen to visit them at the same time.”

“Well…” I drew in a breath, unsure if I should explain. Maybe we were keeping the conversation about our lives superficial, but holding back who my sister really was to me seemed wrong, even from a man I’d just met.

“My sister is…mine. Meaning I’m her parent, not simply her older sister. I always was, but we recently made it official. I bring her to Williamsburg sometimes because she loves the tacos here, and we like to people-watch. She’s at a friend’s house for a sleepover since her school is closed for a conference tomorrow, so that’s why I’m here alone today.”

I let my head fall back and groaned, still not understanding why I had to blurt out my new guardianship of my sister to a man I didn’t know—and couldn’t know past this dinner.

“How old is she?” Silas asked.

“She’s thirteen. Her name is Taylor. There’s obviously a big age gap between us, and I was always a convenient, pretty much full-time babysitter since she was born. It’s why becoming her guardian wasn’t that big of a shift.” I coughed out a laugh.

“Did something happen to your parents? I’m sorry. I’m prying where I shouldn’t be.”

“No, it’s okay,” I said, a little more relaxed and pleasantly surprised that Silas didn’t ask for his tacos to-go after finding out I had a kid to take care of.

“My parents split when I was born, so I don’t know my father. Taylor’s father took off before she was born too, so we’ve both only known our mother, and she wasn’t into parenting. Ever. But I had my grandmother to raise me while my mother indulged in whatever whim was calling to her at the time.”

“Wasn’t into parenting?” Silas asked, raising a brow.

“Not even a little,” I said with a chuckle. “School concerts, award ceremonies, she always had an excuse as to why she never showed up. She managed to attend my elementary school graduation, but I am pretty sure that was because she was dating one of my teachers at the time. Then all of a sudden, she’d check the school calendar for what was going on so she could be there.”

I winced and covered my eyes.

“Sorry, I’m sure you don’t want to know all of this.”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I weren’t interested,” he said with a soft rasp. “And you sound like you’ve been holding all that in for a minute.” He sent me a smile that was sweet enough not only to relax me, but liquefy my knees under the table.

I didn’t have to explain my situation to friends since they’d been around to see it all. I knew what an awful story it was, yet telling it seemed to make it worse.

“Probably,” I allowed, fidgeting with the paper napkin next to my plate. “My mother signed over her rights, so there’d be ‘no issues’ with the decisions I made for Taylor.” I held up my fingers in air quotes. “But it was less out of consideration and more about not being liable for whatever my sister did until she was eighteen. I don’t get out much, as you can imagine, so today was a treat day for me.”

When I finally met Silas’s eyes again, he rested his chin on the palm of his hand as his gaze seared into mine. I studied him back, trying to decipher what was behind his golden eyes.

Pity was something I should have been used to by now, but it still irked me whenever I spotted it. Anger on my behalf was common among my friends when it came to my mother’s antics. But I didn’t know what Silas was thinking because I didn’t know Silas.

And the bastard was making it really hard not to want to know him beyond this impromptu dinner.

“That is pretty damn admirable,” he finally said.

“Admirable?” I repeated slowly. “Which part?”

“Taking care of your sister when you were a kid yourself.”

As if I had a choice. I suppose I had, but not one I could ever live with if I’d chosen the alternative.

“Well, I was twenty when she was born, not exactly a kid. I haven’t thought of myself as a kid in a long time, even when I was, but thank you.”

I spotted a sort of pride in his eyes when his gaze found mine. That was new and kind of intoxicating. I’d enjoy the rush for the moment but not get carried away by it.

“So, it’s just the two of you?” Silas asked, his words slow. I wasn’t sure if he was trying not to appear too nosy or too interested if I went for tacos with others besides my sister. Why would he care?

And why did I like it if he did? That, I knew the answer to but had to ignore.

“We have an aunt in New Jersey whom we see occasionally, but it’s really just us. Being alone for a full day and night is a rare luxury.”

“That’s how you spend your downtime? Writing outside in the cold weather?”

“It’s not that cold. It was in the fifties today. For a minute. Brisk. Gets the blood pumping.”

He let out a chuckle, throaty enough for it to travel down to my toes again.

“Glad I amuse you,” I said, lifting a brow as I wiped my mouth.

“It’s not that you amuse me,” Silas said, searching my gaze as his smile deepened. “You’re unexpected.”

I chuckled after Silas repeated the words I’d spoken earlier. This whole afternoon had been very unexpected, starting from the second we’d met.

“And that’s good?” I asked, tilting my head as I tried to read his expression.

“Yeah,” he rasped, the air thinning between us in this corner booth that seemed smaller every time Silas looked at me like that. Like those light eyes could see right through me.

“It’s really good. In fact, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me today.”