Page 24

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

SILAS

“I’m actually surprised you had a blanket,” Rachel said as she cuddled next to me on the couch. “I figured the one comforter on your bed was it.”

She peered up at me, lifting a brow.

I’d ordered dinner from the Chinese restaurant around the corner, wishing I could take Rachel out to celebrate but not sure what to do yet if someone saw us. The guys had found a few photos online of me walking around the neighborhood during the rare moments I was home and not too exhausted to go for a walk.

I’d been photographed in Washington too, but because of the Bats getting my face out there whenever they could, the feeling of being watched all the damn time was something new, and something I didn’t want to involve Rachel in yet.

I hated the shit out of it, but sneaking around was what we had to do, at least for right now. The last thing we needed was for someone to post a picture of us, find out who Rachel was, and have her bosses find out before we had a chance to make a plan.

Granted, fingering her in my car and letting her blow me after wasn’t our smartest move, and I hoped that wasn’t a mistake we’d end up paying for.

“I have blankets, different sheets. Dishes.” I held up the plate of lo mein. “Just because I don’t put them all out doesn’t mean I don’t have the basics.” I kissed the tip of her nose.

“Well, that makes me feel a little better.” She crossed her legs under her, still wearing my jersey with nothing underneath. I was sending it home with her because there was no way I’d be able to put that one on and focus on the game. Her naked body splayed out on my bed, the sounds she made when she came…my dick would be too busy reliving the memories for me to manage a damn thing.

“Does your job know that you write?”

“They do. I’m lucky that my boss thinks it’s a secret asset. A published author writes our promotional pieces. And she’s supportive of romance. Some places will just fire you for it. That’s why a few author friends don’t show their faces.”

“They’re cool with that, but not…this?”

She shut her eyes and nodded.

“No. I’m hoping that I can sit down with Gayle and explain that I’m not having a tawdry affair with a married client that would soil our reputation again. Having a boyfriend is different from having a fuck buddy.”

She reached toward my coffee table to grab an egg roll and froze, cringing when she turned back to me.

“Why the face?”

“I just called you my boyfriend. Talk about a slip.”

She flicked her eyes to mine as she took a bite.

“Why is it a slip? Do you really think I’d share you? Not in a million fucking years.”

Her lips twitched into a smile as she chewed.

“You didn’t want to share me when we went for coffee, so no, that’s not news. I’ve just never had one of those.”

I squinted at her, leaning forward on the couch.

“One of those? You never dated, even in school?”

“I dated, sure. But no one that I was interested in for more than a couple of dates. I told you my mother was never without a boyfriend, even now. I don’t judge her for that, and as a romance writer, I’d never slut-shame anyone,” she said with a hollow laugh. “But that’s all she cared about. Her next good time. And she’d use my grandmother and then me with Taylor to make sure being a parent never inconvenienced her.”

I nodded, waiting for her to continue.

“I didn’t want to be like that. Mom was a different person for every guy she dated. Would start liking whatever they liked, loved whatever food or music they were into. She used to tell me that’s what you had to do to get a man to like you. That and lose a couple of pounds.” She quirked a brow.

“All of which she was dead wrong about. You know that, right?”

I’d never hit a woman in my life, but I feared the temptation if I ever met Rachel’s mother face-to-face.

“Of course I know that. It’s weird when you have a parent you don’t like. You wonder if all the shitty traits they have somehow made it into your DNA, so you avoid certain situations just in case you can’t help yourself.”

Her shoulders jerked with a chuckle. “I guess that’s how I looked at men for a while. I was afraid if I got too close to one, I’d be tempted to lose myself like she always did. And with my sister, I couldn’t afford to do that.”

“And how do you feel now?”

She dropped her gaze to my rug, the corner of her mouth twitching. “I feel that the right person makes you better. Changes you, but in a good way. I feel more like me when I’m with you than I ever have in my life.”

I knew exactly what she meant. From the moment we met, she both thrilled me and brought me an odd but palpable peace. Talking to her just made me feel better, made me feel less lost and alone, which had been my baseline since I’d blown out my knee and lost my career.

“Same,” was all I could say, sliding my hand to the back of her neck to bring her in for a kiss. It was too early to say everything else I’d been thinking. The instant connection was already enough to scare us both a little, even though we’d finally stopped fighting it.

“So,” she murmured against my lips as she pulled away, “you’re my first boyfriend. At least, the first man I could actually call one.” She flitted her eyes down her torso. “This is really cheesy, isn’t it? I called you my first boyfriend as I’m wearing your jersey—shit,” she hissed as she inspected the hem between her fingers. “I think I got grease on it. I’ll wash it for you.”

I shook my head. “No, you’ll take it home and keep it. There is no way I’d be able to concentrate during a game. I’d picture it draped over your amazing fucking body, and, in case you haven’t noticed, there’s no room in my white pants to get excited.”

She burst out laughing and dropped her head into her hands.

“Now, that would make for a good reel,” she said, climbing on my lap. “Thank you,” she whispered and kissed my cheek.

“For what?”

“I’ve never had a…person before. It’s really nice.”

She pressed her head into my chest, curling into a ball as I slid my hand up and down her thigh.

I wanted to be her person, somehow lighten the load of all she’d taken on since she’d been just a kid. I couldn’t fix it all for her, but I was thrilled to get the chance to try.

“Can I ask you something?” Rachel asked as she cuddled next to me in my bed. She’d lost the jersey, finally, and while we’d gone to bed early, I spied two a.m. glowing back at me from the alarm clock on my nightstand.

“I think we’re past all pretense at this point. Ask me anything you want.” I dipped my chin to meet her gaze as I threaded my hands through her hair.

“What happened with your ex-wife? I mean, it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me.”

“No, I’ll tell you.” I shifted to lie on my side. “I met her when I first started playing for Washington. We were together for a few years before we got married, so she knew what my life was like. All the road trips, the training. It never bothered her until we were married. She’d complain I was never home, and when I was, she said I looked like I didn’t want to be there.”

“She was mad at you for traveling when she knew it was part of your job?”

“It was probably more than that. I guess it was fun to have a ballplayer boyfriend, but a husband was different to her. I always felt on the spot when I’d come home, afraid to say the wrong thing or piss her off if I just wanted to relax after a long road trip.”

“That is a lot of crap,” Rachel said, her nose crinkling. “You couldn’t even relax in your own house?”

“No, especially not toward the end. I still can’t pinpoint exactly when it turned, and trust me, I’ve tried. But somehow, we ended up like strangers. I felt guilty over being away all the time, so I would try, but I just got tired. I know it sounds terrible.”

I scrubbed a hand down my face. I’d said exactly that to my ex-wife when I’d asked for a divorce. It’d been too late for anything else, and if I didn’t even want to try, what was the point?

“I asked her for a divorce, and she called me a coldhearted asshole who couldn’t be anyone’s husband.”

“That is,” Rachel started as she sat up, “absolutely not true. I knew that from the first moment I met you, when you didn’t have me arrested for slugging you.”

I laughed, drawing her closer.

“I thought that for a while. That I just wasn’t cut out to commit to anyone with the kind of job I had. I’d ask her to come meet me on the road, but she always had some excuse why she couldn’t.” I shrugged. “She was tired too, I suppose. But when I admitted it first, she just became angrier.”

“That’s why you told me you didn’t want to hurt anyone again?”

“It was,” I said, letting out a long breath that seemed to lift a weight off my chest. “I didn’t want to hurt her, but this was my career. Until I got cocky sliding into a base and ended it.”

“But now, you have a new career, and you’re killing it.”

“I don’t know about killing it. My guys are talented and doing well, but I’m here because of those damn reels you like to tease me about. When I talk to Kent, all he wants to tell me are social media follows and ticket sales. He says he’s happy we’re winning, but I’m more than just a fucking face, you know.”

Rachel’s lips pulled into a frown.

“You have a beautiful face, but you are a lot more than that. When you take them to the play-offs for the first time this year, everyone will see that. You’re a bighearted, talented, beautiful man from the inside out. Fuck anyone else who’s too stupid to see that.”

I didn’t know what to say, but I had to bite back the “I love you” that was burning the tip of my tongue.