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CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

RACHEL

“If I’m not mistaken, I think you have a line,” Auden whispered next to me as she handed me a book to sign.

I’d been to a few author signings, but never one that was held just for me. A new romance bookstore in New Jersey had contacted me to come in and celebrate my latest release with a small in-store event.

As bad luck would have it, it was on the same weekend as my sister’s first softball trip. I hated missing it, but a couple of the team mothers I was friendly with promised to keep an eye on her, and I knew Taylor would never stray far from her friends.

I wouldn’t say I was all the way okay with it, but Auden had pushed me to say yes and had volunteered to be my driver and signing assistant.

I hadn’t anticipated enough readers showing up to form a line, and when I looked up from signing my new book to see if Auden was exaggerating, a lump scratched at the back of my throat.

I wished my sister were here to see this. I’d show her pictures, but I knew she’d bounce with excitement for me if she were here. She was old enough to come to a book signing, although I’d noticed some adult swag throughout the store that wouldn’t have been very fun to try to explain to her.

Auden was happy for me, but the signing took me back to when I was a kid in school at assemblies and shows. My grandmother had always tried to take the day off from work and come, but when she couldn’t, I’d had no one. I’d look out into the audience and pretend my mother or grandmother were seated in one of the back rows.

I was a grown-ass adult now, but during moments like this, when I wanted someone in the crowd looking on with pride, that hollow feeling I was usually able to ignore from all those years ago would come back.

I tried to focus on the readers who were excited to meet me. Some were fans of my books, and some were meeting me for the first time. It was a small event, but it felt like a big deal. An accomplishment and milestone to be proud of, no matter who was or wasn’t here.

I couldn’t have grown up like I had without forcing a little toxic positivity on myself at times. I’d strain to see the good in an event or award or just a special day when I’d yearn for family around me.

“How’s the hand?” Nina, the store manager, whispered from behind me. I guessed she was around my age, running the store with her sisters. She’d told us when we arrived that their mission was to celebrate local romance authors, and even though we’d had to drive over a bridge to get here, she’d assured me that I still very much counted.

“I’m good,” I told her, flexing my fingers. “This is a great turnout.”

“It is. You have serious buzz over this book. Even the readers who haven’t read you yet couldn’t wait to get their hands on the paperbacks as they came in. You’re welcome back anytime.”

Nina’s blue eyes sparkled as she tucked a stray lock of blond hair behind her ear.

“You only have a few more, so hang in there.” She squeezed my shoulder and raced back to the line.

“This is seriously cool,” Auden whispered. “I’m so proud of you.” She bumped her shoulder into mine. “There’s a Mexican place across the street. I’ll buy you all the margaritas to celebrate.”

I forced a smile as my stomach dipped. It wasn’t the same Mexican place as the one I’d taken Silas to, but I was already in a weird headspace. I didn’t have the energy for any more what-ifs on what should be a great day.

“I’m more in the mood for Thai. I think I saw a place around the corner,” I said as Nina organized what was left of the line.

I hadn’t heard from him since the day after the gala. He’d texted, as promised, to make sure I was okay before he’d left for a weeklong road trip.

It was more than I’d expected after I’d told him that we couldn’t be together and followed it up with a thanks for everything and a goodbye. I’d started and deleted what felt like a million texts, but it wouldn’t have been fair to send them.

We’d done the right thing by stopping it. There was no reason to tease us both.

I tried to keep busy with work and what I needed to do for my book release, but even my sister had noticed my sour mood and had asked me why I was moping around the house all the time. I tried to pass it off as release nerves, but she didn’t buy it.

I knew better than anyone else that life wasn’t a romance novel. It was easier this way. I didn’t have to wonder about him like he was some fantasy. I’d had the chance to get to know the man he really was, and even though that made it that much harder to walk away, it felt like a lucky bonus. It was a nice little interlude, but I had to accept that it had ended.

I’d take the memories and make them into art as I always did with my silly wishes that never fit into reality, and I’d be happy with that.

Eventually.

A few readers lingered right before the store closed and a couple sneaked in right as Nina was locking the door.

“You can make it out to Jana.” A girl with curly red hair and a wide smile handed me a paperback. “I’m so happy to meet you, but I’m a little nervous.”

“I’m so happy to meet you too. And don’t be nervous.” I took the book out of her hand and flipped through to the first page. “Readers like you are why I’m here.”

Her smile deepened as she leaned in closer.

“I loved this book. I read it on the first day it came out. All your books are great, but there was something about this one.”

“She did extensive real-life research,” Auden said, smirking at me.

I glared at Auden for a second and turned back to Jana. “I enjoyed writing it, so I’m glad that came through.”

“I agree.”

My head popped up at a familiar, deep voice.

Silas stood behind Jana in a T-shirt and shorts, a plain baseball cap pulled down low enough to hide his face.

Jana swiveled her head around, eyes wide when her gaze landed on Silas.

“You read the book?” Her lips pursed, probably just like mine had when Silas had told me he read romance.

“I did. I’ve read a lot of her books, and they’re all fantastic. But yes, there is something about this one. It shows you had a good time writing it, and that’s great.”

Jana nodded, still examining Silas’s face. I didn’t think she recognized him as the Brooklyn Bats’ manager, but even if I didn’t have very personal insight as to why he thought it was so great that I enjoyed writing this book, I would gape at this beautiful man too.

A guy in a romance bookstore, in line to meet a romance author, was enough of an anomaly to turn the heads of everyone left inside.

He hadn’t come in here by chance. I guessed if he followed me online, he’d known about this event. Warmth flooded my chest, and the rest of me, at the thought of him coming all this way to see me, but it still felt like fate screwing with my emotions. It was, once again, dangling something wonderful in front of my face to remind me I couldn’t have it.

“It was so great to meet you,” Jana said, her gaze darting from me to Silas as she plucked the book from my hands and turned to leave.

I can relate, girl.

“Who should I make this out to?” I said, clearing my throat when I caught the crack in my voice.

He quirked a brow, drawing out the little air left in my lungs with his crooked grin.

“Make it out to Coach ,” he said.

“Sure,” I said, my hands shaking when I tried to sign in a straight line as my vision blurred, the emotion from having him here, right in front of me, for me, getting to me in ways I couldn’t handle.

“Thank you for…coming today.”

After I’d told him we couldn’t be anything, he still came.

He shrugged as he grabbed the book. “I’m a big R.M. Dioro fan. See you at the next one.”

He winked, his gaze searching mine before it drifted to my mouth. I didn’t know whether to burst into tears, fling myself into his arms, or race to the tiny bathroom in the back of the store to sob in privacy.

“Good to see you, Slugger,” Silas said, his voice dipping low and husky before he turned to head for the door. Nina locked it behind him, and only the bookstore staff, Auden, and I were left.

“Go,” Auden said, ripping the marker out of my hand.

“Go where?” I said, rearing back as her nostrils flared.

“Go after him. My God, Rachel. Stop doing this to yourself.”

“Auden,” I started, propping my elbows onto the table as I let my head drop into my hands. “I could lose my job?—”

“You’re really okay with letting him walk away?” She pointed to the door. “What do you think you’ll regret more in ten years when Taylor is in college living her own life and you’re home by yourself? That you had to look for a new job, or that you let something go that could have been great? Don’t answer me because I already know.”

She reached under the table and plopped my purse in front of me. “The event is over. They’re closing. I can drive home alone. Wave goodbye to everyone and go.”

I slung my bag over my shoulder and told Nina a quick thank you and goodbye before I jogged out the front door.

Surveying the street, I couldn’t find Silas anywhere. He had long legs and was probably already blocks away. I let my head fall back, wincing at the sky and cursing my stupid hesitation before I dug my phone out of my purse to see if I could catch him.

“Looking for someone?”

I gasped and turned to the deep chuckle behind me.

“Hey,” he crooned, squeezing my wrist. “I didn’t mean to scare you?—”

I cut him off with a kiss. A deep, too wet and loud for a public street kiss as I trailed my hands up and down his back, pressing my body against his to get as close as possible. He stiffened in shock for a minute before he gave in, slanting his mouth over mine as he speared his hand into my hair.

“So, you’re not mad that I just showed up?” He leaned his forehead against mine, his chest heaving up and down as we both chased our breath.

“No,” I croaked out, fisting the soft cotton of his T-shirt.

“Good. I know you said that we were too big of a risk, but maybe it’s not as bad as we?—”

“Take me home,” I said, breathless now from my rapid heart thundering in my ears.

“Home?” he repeated slowly, studying my face.

“Yes, my sister is away, but I want to go home, to your place, with you. If…that’s what you still want.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He grabbed the back of my head and brought my mouth back to his.

“You are all I think about,” he murmured against my lips before he eased back. “But this is all up to you.”

“I want to be in your bed all night. I want breakfast without a sad goodbye. I want you, Coach.”

His chest rumbled against mine.

“We’ll figure it out, right?” I took his face in my shaking hands. We needed to get out of here before my adrenaline dropped and I lost my nerve.

“Absofuckinglutely,” he said, bobbing his head as he leaned in, a delicious growl erupting from his throat as he ran his tongue along the seam of my already chafed lips.

For the first time, I put fantasy in front of the hard truths of reality because, despite what it might cost me, I couldn’t let it go this time.