Page 35 of A Taste of Grace

Triggered

After church, I hurried to Caleb’s house to get my car and to retrieve essentials for my work trip.

I drove home to hide out before leaving for DC in the morning.

I lied to Caleb about where I was. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with him.

Too many triggers popped up today, and I needed to process everything away from the girls, who were probably confused about what was going on too.

The girls.

I wished I could snatch them up and bring them to me, but then I’d have to talk to Caleb.

I wondered if their diva mother was still with them or at Caleb’s house. He loved touching on folks so much that I pictured him feeling her up. I fumed, saying a silent prayer of protection for Hannah and Esther before resuming my preparation for my trip.

I sucked in my breath as I walked through my house. The decor from my honeymoon remained, reminding me of my exquisite, sensual times with Caleb.

On the kitchen counter was an unopened bottle of champagne I left for us to drink the next time Ms. Denise or Nita kept the girls.

Since I wasn’t letting Caleb between my legs anytime soon, I popped the liquor open and drank directly from the bottle, wanting to drown my sorrows before sinking into a hot bath.

With the bath salts Caleb and I bathed in.

Soul ties were no joke, because as I entered the bathroom, bottle in hand, I smelled him.

I moved throughout the rest of the house to escape his essence but couldn’t.

His smell was tattooed in my nose. Even the ottoman and bedspread held his woodsy scent, taking me back to our private times like an erotic movie.

To gather myself, I sat outside on the patio, inhaling the fresh air that finally neutralized my senses. I lifted my eyes to the clouds, thinking of past Mother’s Days.

“I miss you so much, Mama. I’m trying to make it without you, but it’s hard. Please send a guardian angel my way. I need your presence now more than ever.”

My stomach growled, reminding me I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. I placed the nearly empty champagne bottle on the ground and touched my stomach.

A bubble of indigestion cut through me, pulling me from my musings.

I shouldn’t have eaten that breakfast burrito this morning.

Pork hadn’t been agreeing with me over the past few weeks.

The last thing I needed was to have an upset stomach flying out of town.

The phone in my pocket rang as Caleb’s sexy smile came up along with his name. I sent the call to voicemail and texted him instead.

Me:

I only have time to chat with the girls, so if they aren’t talking to me, you and I can talk tomorrow when I’m done with work.

Caleb:

I know you’re mad at me.

No shit, Sherlock.

Me:

Gotta go.

I put my phone back in my pocket and sat on the wooden bench out back. My phone rang a few minutes later. It was Caleb again.

“What, Caleb? You said everything you needed to say today. I got your message loud and clear. Give me space.”

“The girls want to talk with you. Don’t cut yourself off from them.”

“You know I wouldn’t do that. They’re innocent bystanders.”

“Thank you for understanding that. Here they are.”

“Where are you, Mommy Grace?”

I heard Hannah’s angst on the phone.

“I’m on a business trip, sweetheart. I’ll be back when I’m done.”

“Are you leaving me like my other mommy?” Hannah’s voice rose and fell before she burst into tears.

“I gotta go, Grace. Call you later.” Caleb hung up the phone before I could comfort Hannah.

I wanted to call back but decided not to. Caleb made this mess, so he needed to fix it. When my phone rang several minutes later, I expected it to be Caleb. Instead, it was Nita.

“My dear, how are you?”

Lies filled my mind until I remembered this was Nita, a woman who cherished and comforted me during my darkest times. Although Caleb was her nephew, I trusted her with my thoughts.

“Not good.”

Like Hannah moments earlier, my voice cracked as I finally released the tears and tension that had built up throughout the day.

“Get it out.”

I cried until I gathered my breath.

“Where are you?” she asked.

“At my house.”

“Is Caleb with you?”

“No. He’s at his house with the girls.”

“I see. Have y’all talked about what happened today?”

“I haven’t had a chance to do that.”

“Haven’t had a chance or haven’t taken the time to talk with your husband about his ex-wife busting up in church and showing out?”

“It’s complicated, Nita.”

“Marriage is complicated. You’re a leader in that church , whether you want to be or not. Stop running away from your problems, Grace. God didn’t send you a husband for you to fight with him.”

I knew Nita was right, but my ego wouldn’t let me admit it.

“I hear you, but I’m good.”

“Hmm…if you say so, Dr. Stallings.”

Nita’s use of my married name pricked my heart.

No matter how much I wanted to abandon my vows, I was still Caleb’s wife.

At least, for now. My devotion to my girls was real.

I didn’t care that Madeline carried them in her belly.

I carried them in my heart. What happened today wasn’t going to disappear simply because I wanted it to.

“Thanks for being there for me. I’m flying out to DC for work in the morning, so I’ll sleep on all of this and settle it when I get back.”

“Never let the sun set on your anger, my dear. It’s not healthy for your marriage.”

“Thanks for your advice.”

I heard what she said but dismissed her. I didn’t want to forgive Caleb so easily. When Nita and I got off the phone, I got ready for a bath and bed.