Page 20 of A Taste of Grace

I gave Elder Peyton a half smile, wanting to push back about his use of the word young. Caleb and I were in our forties, nowhere near young in my eyes. Maybe he referred to the newness of our union more than our age.

“My last question is important. Name one thing your partner doesn’t know but should.”

Caleb and I eyed each other. I knew what I needed to tell him but didn’t want to go first. He must have sensed my hesitancy because he placed his hand over the one I rested on the table.

“I knew Grace would be my wife the moment I opened that door and saw her. I just didn’t want to scare her by telling her that first night.”

I blushed and sucked in my breath, surprised that Caleb would be so honest about his feelings. I had not been adored like that in a long time. His words flattered, shocked, and frightened me a little.

“Thank you for saying that. The feeling was mutual, King.”

For the first time since our session began, something akin to a blush covered Caleb’s cheeks. He raked his teeth over his lip quickly then returned to his previous posture.

“My confession is going to be intense, so give me a moment.” I pulled a tissue from the small tissue box closest to me.

Caleb rubbed my back in circles as I tried not to filter my words.

“Before I came to Farmerton, I wanted to end my life.” Tears left my eyes as memories of those dark days came back to me.

Although I saw Caleb’s shoulders lift in my peripheral, I kept my eyes focused on the tree outside the window in from of me as I spoke.

“I was going to do it on my fortieth birthday. My mother and father were gone. I was an only child with an extended family that ridiculed me for refusing to let them bully me as I cared for my mother in her last days. I lost a job that mattered to me and moved from DC back to the South, a place I never thought I’d return to.

I had no hope and no promise of a bright future—until I came here and Caleb saw and cared for me.

Although our love has not matured…Yet, I feel as if he is loving me back to life. ”

The men kept their eyes on me as I dried mine. I rested in the awkward silence, pleased that I finally shared my secret with Caleb. Nita was right about marriage counseling. This process allowed me to release a burden that was too heavy for me to carry alone.

“Are you safe? Do you still have thoughts of hurting yourself?” Caleb’s question was natural, one that a caring pastor should ask a troubled person.

I reached for his hands and nodded through my tears.

“I am. I stayed in a psychiatric center for a couple of weeks and worked through the issues that pushed me over the edge. I have coping mechanisms and journal every day to hold myself accountable for my thoughts and actions. Farmerton has played a role in my self-care. I’m concerned that my past might come back to harm me…

us. You need to know that your fiancée isn’t perfect. ”

Relief and a little bit of fear overtook me as I braced myself for the possibility that Caleb might reject me. I was used to being cast away, so it made sense for someone I opened myself up to disconnect when I needed them most.

Caleb placed his arm around me and held me close. I relaxed in his arms, wiping my nose as I sniffled.

“I’m sorry you went through that. God is a redeemer. His faithfulness is new every morning. If He doesn’t hold your past against you, neither can I. No one else can condemn you either. I can’t judge anyone given my weaknesses.”

“Thank you for being a true man of God and for choosing me.”

“God chose you for me. Thank you for saying yes.”

Elder Peyton intertwined his fingers and smiled at us. Caleb and I may have piled the lovey-dovey answers on thick, but I believed what we said.

“Yes, yes, yes. I see a bright and glorious future ahead of you. Let’s discuss the ceremony. It’s coming fast.”

For the rest of the session, we discussed the order of service for our backyard wedding and opened up to each other about our child-raising beliefs. We agree that I wouldn’t use birth control and wouldn’t mind getting pregnant.

Privately, Caleb agreed to increase my allowance several thousand dollars per month for each baby I delivered.

As a businesswoman with a heart for kids, I appreciated that gesture.

Since Caleb would pay most of our household expenses, I planned to invest most of the money he gave me into accounts for any children we would have, including Hannah and Esther.

After our meeting, I stayed at the church for the rest of the afternoon, chatting with Caleb’s executive assistant and learning about the church’s history from Elder Peyton. Caleb worked in his office, returning calls and emailing people about church business.

When he finished, he walked into the conference room, his work bag in hand. I closed my laptop and started to pack up my belongings.

“You done?”

“Yes, and I have a surprise for you. But first, we’re going on a date. Mama is picking the girls up from school and taking care of them for the night.” Caleb winked at me and extended his hand toward me.

I put my hand in his and smiled as I rose and followed him toward the parking lot exit.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

Although we’d been at the church hours after our session, neither of us discussed my confession in detail. I needed to hear any concerns he had.

“I am. Are you? I’m so sorry for what you experienced, and I want us to dig deeper into that if you’re comfortable. I never want you to feel alone.” He kissed me on the cheek and furrowed his brows.

“I am well, but I want to make sure you’re okay since I didn’t go into detail about my mental health. It would only be fair if I gave you the chance to back out since I’m not the person you thought I was.” I said the words carefully, feeling it was the right thing to offer.

Caleb reached for me and kissed me with such tenderness that I wanted to crawl inside him and take up residence in the warmth of his heart.

“Neither of us is perfect. I’m not judging your past. Thanks for finally opening up about it.”

A veil of heaviness lifted off me at Caleb’s response.

“Nita was right. Counseling was exactly what we needed to get on the same page. Elder Peyton is a kind, discerning man. I’m excited about getting married now.”

“That pleases me.”

Caleb followed me home, where I dropped off my car.

As we rode, we discussed our wedding plans and what life would look like once I moved into his home.

Before I knew it, we were thirty miles outside Farmerton in Romaville, the biggest place that served five-star meals.

After a quiet evening where we continued to debrief about our session, Caleb paid for the meal and escorted me back to the car.

“I have one more stop to make before we head home.”

I nodded. Within minutes, he pulled into the empty parking lot of a jewelry store called The Platinum Pagoda.

Caleb exited the car and opened the passenger car door, leading me to the front door of the posh store, and we greeted the gruff security guard standing at the entrance.

Caleb led me to the back of a store where a woman who looked to be our age waved at us.

“Caleb, I’ve been expecting you. This must be your gorgeous fiancée. She hugged Caleb then me before pulling a closed ring box from beneath the area where she stood.

She placed it on the jewelry display case that held some of the most exquisite wedding and engagement rings I had ever seen.

“Kimberle, meet Dr. Grace Toliver. Grace, this is Elder Peyton’s daughter, Kimberle.

“You must be a special woman to catch the eye of Pastor C. He told me your engagement isn’t public, so I’m honored to play a small part in this process. Here’s your special order.” Kimberle pushed the box toward Caleb, who picked it up and opened it close to his face before closing it again.

“Close your eyes, sweetheart, and hold out your ring finger. Don’t open them until I tell you to.”

“What are you up to?” I pursed my lips and squinted before doing as Caleb asked.

He held my hand steady as cool metal slid up my ring finger. It had to be my engagement ring. We’d been engaged for weeks, but he declared he hadn’t found the right one.

“Open your eyes.”

When I looked down, I gasped and extended my arm with my fingers spread wide.

“It’s…everything.”

The ring was set high with an oval center stone and two smaller diamonds on each side. It was a showstopper yet simple. I placed my right hand over my mouth, staring at the striking ring from multiple angles as it glimmered under the store lights.

Kimberle grinned at us as if she mined the clear-cut diamonds herself.

“Is it big enough?” Caleb held my hand as he lifted it and inspected from all angles.

“Are you kidding me? It’s perfect.”

“Check out the engraving.” He pulled the ring from my finger and handed it to me.

I raised it to my eyes and read out loud, “Chosen. Cherished. Covered.”

This amazing man is going to have me in a puddle.

“I wanted to give it to you here because of what it represents. The oval is you, and the stones on either side are Hannah and Esther. Because of them, I moved forward in my pursuit of you. They will be your girls as much as they are mine.”

“Oh, Caleb…”

Tears filled my eyes as I thought about the day in its entirety. God truly loved me. I could not have designed a more beautiful gift to represent the next phase of my life.

Kimberle handed me a tissue.

“I’ll give you two a moment. Let me know when you need me.”

“Thank you.” I dabbed my eyes and moved with Caleb to a private lounge at the side of the store.

When I sat, he slid the ring back on my finger before kissing my knuckle.

“It’s too big and flashy for what we have going on. This is a ring for a real wife.”

He sat closer to me on the couch. As always, I melted when the scent of his cologne enveloped me. He lifted my chin and peered deeply into my eyes.

“Sweetheart, you will be my wife in every way. I don’t know what I have to do to convince you that all of this is real. You are the queen God sent for me, so please get comfortable sitting on your throne. I’m going to spoil you rotten. Okay?” He kissed my cheek then rose.

“Yes, King.”

I followed him back to the jewelry case. With a slight head nod toward Kimberle, he called out, “This is perfect, Kimberle.”

Caleb stroked my cheek with his thumb.

“Will you wear it for our announcement on Sunday, sweetheart?”

I nodded and extended my hand again, knowing this ring made my engagement to Caleb real.

For our marriage to be believable and endorsed by those Caleb served, we needed to include them in our engagement and wedding in some way.

Caleb wasn’t going to let me remain hidden. It was time for me to get used to it.