Page 13 of A Taste of Grace

“Like you, everyone has a story, even if they look perfect on the outside. The God I serve protects and redeems. You may walk in the valley of the shadow of death, but you don’t have to stay there. You and Caleb have a lot in common.”

“I agree. This helps me. I’ll have a better perspective at dinner with him and the girls tomorrow after church.”

“What’s this?” Nita’s mouth dropped.

I blushed, hiding my smile behind my glass as I sipped my water. I set it back on the table with a serious look.

“He asked me to join his family for church and dinner.”

“Hold up, Miss Ma’am. My nephew has standards. The only woman he will entertain is one he courts. Is he courting you? And did you agree?” Nita shrieked her questions.

Her animation startled me. Only now did it fully hit me to what I agreed to when I accepted Caleb’s invitations.

“I think so…yes? Maybe? I’ve learned not to overanalyze potential blessings. You only live once.”

Nita smiled so hard it made me grin.

“Praise God.”

“I’m exploring whatever courting means, so please don’t put the cart before the horse.”

“The way y’all are going, I’m going to be at a wedding soon.” She pulled out her phone. “Let me buy that sky blue dress I’ve been eyeing at Nordstrom.

“You are a holy mess.”

Nita dropped her phone and resumed her meal. Her smile was so big; I wondered if it hurt her face.

As I ate, I thought about what a modern-day courtship might look like. Would we only kiss? How would his previous admirers feel about me?

When Nita left, I went grocery shopping for Sunday dinner and wrapped up tasks for work.

Throughout the day, I tried not to ruminate about visiting Caleb’s church and joining his family after service but couldn’t help but wonder what they might think about me.

This was still a relatively small town, and people had strong opinions about strangers, especially those who caught the eye of one of Farmerton’s most eligible bachelors.

To calm my nerves, I sorted through my accessories and dress clothes, pairing my mother’s pearl choker with a below-the-knee sheath dress that accentuated my legs and hips.

I smiled as I ironed the hem of my purple dress on low heat, recalling how grateful Hannah and Esther were to have me style their hair for tomorrow’s service.

They would look like little dolls and probably wouldn’t be able to sit still the entire day.

I drew my bath for the evening when a notification popped up on my phone.

Caleb:

You good for tomorrow?

Everything Caleb said made me smile. When I didn’t text back immediately, he called me.

“Yes, King.”

“Hey, Queen. I want to confirm that I’ll see you in the morning. I can’t have you backing out.”

“My clothes are ready. Anything I should know about your church? I don’t want to embarrass you or anything.”

“You could never embarrass me. Just wear something tight and sexy so I can ogle your body again.”

“If you don’t stop being so mannish…”

Caleb’s low laugh rumbled through the phone.

“I haven’t had sex in years, woman. When it looks as if the drought is almost over, you’ve got to give a brother some slack. Dang.”

It pleased me that Caleb was as horny as I was.

“In that case, I’ll wear a see-through teddy so you won’t miss me.”

“As long as it’s red.”

I snorted like a pig when he said that. We both laughed hard.

“I’m so sorry.” I wiped tears from my eyes and took a deep breath to compose myself.

“It’s fine, but seriously, we’re a laid-back bunch. Come as you are. When you enter the sanctuary, tell the ushers your name, and they’ll escort you to the front near my mother and Aunt Nita.”

“I’ll stay in the back if it’s okay with you.”

“Okay. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Thanks. What’s the topic of your sermon?”

“Waiting and trusting in God for the blessings coming our way.”

“That sounds encouraging. I can’t wait.” I smiled, instinctively knowing Caleb was a rock star orator who would preach the stank off a sermon.

That was another reason I wanted to sit in the back of the sanctuary. It would allow me to praise God and observe Caleb in action without feeling self-conscious.

“My mother will be joining us for brunch tomorrow. Aunt Nita might be there too. I know you wanted to bring something, but you don’t have to.”

“My mama told me never to show up to a meal at someone’s house empty-handed. I’ll bring my great-auntie’s Mae Jimmie’s banana pudding. Family myth says the man who eats it will marry the woman who makes it.”

“You already know I’m down for that, so save two servings for me, sweetheart.”

Of course, Caleb would snap back with a witty comment that made my clit tingle.

The next morning, dread tried to overtake me.

I grew up in the church and relied on God to support me, but I still had concerns.

What would the people at Haven of Hope and Blessings say about Caleb giving attention to me, an outsider?

Church people could be petty, and I didn’t need that kind of mess in my life.

I wanted to support Caleb and the girls, get a word, and fellowship with them afterward.

I picked up my phone to text Caleb good morning and tell him I wasn’t going to be at church or show up at his house. As I washed my face and brushed my teeth, I gripped the corner of the bathroom counter, hating what I was about to do.

“Lord, please give me strength.” I said the words out loud, not wanting to relapse.

The devil was fighting me hard when a notification popped up on my phone.

Nita:

Good morning, Sunshine. Your blessing is just around the corner. I feel it. See you soon.

I rinsed my mouth and read Nita’s words several times.

I knew firsthand what it felt like to be immersed in darkness.

Why was I allowing it to squash the light coming my way?

I pulled out my journal. Many of my entries from the psych hospital had become daily affirmations and prayers. I turned to one from two weeks ago.

Lord, help me become part of a thriving community and connect with people who want to know the real me. Give me the courage to show people who I am now. Let my authenticity shine through.

Today was a test that I was about to fail. The devil was a liar, and he wouldn’t talk me out of my blessing. I texted Nita back.

Me:

Thank you so much. I receive it.

I smiled and took a deep breath, believing by faith that the manifestation of my prayers rested on my showing up today.

Later that morning, I pulled my car onto the grounds of the massive campus of Haven of Hope and Blessings, following a trail of worshippers arriving for the 9:30 service. Although Farmerton was a relatively small city, thousands of people from the tri-state area worshiped here.

Caleb’s orderly influence was everywhere from the perfectly landscaped grounds to the overall flow of the traffic and uniformity of the staff outside.

Several men wearing black pants, boots, and neon orange safety vests ushered the cars into the massive, paved lot.

Lexuses, Audis, Mercedes, and other luxury vehicles alerted me to the prominence of the people who would meet me inside.

I parked, grabbed my Bible and purse, and walked slowly toward the tinted double glass doors of the main building.

My nervousness dissipated as I took in other aspects of the church campus and the busyness of preparation for morning worship.

Parents rushed toward the side entrance to a large children’s wing with wiggly, enthusiastic children in tow.

I spotted Caleb’s Lexus on the side of the administrative offices along with several other big shiny cars.

These people have money.

My eyes landed on the building to the right of the sanctuary. The words above its doors said Community Center. I could already tell it was a wonderful place that uplifted and brought people together.

“Good morning. Welcome to Haven of Hope and Blessings.” A jovial, petite woman greeted me with a smile that reminded me of my grandmother.

She extended her arms, inviting me to give her a hug, which I appreciated.

“Good morning.” I returned her smile and directed my attention to the open doors of the sanctuary.

When I walked into the open layout of the rectangular room, goodness met me.

An overwhelming sense of peace that enveloped me as melodic, long musical strains that sounded like a mix of angelic notes and my yoga playlist filled the air.

From the decor with banners of scripture to the raised platform and regal colors, the atmosphere indescribably soothed my spirit.

Since it was about fifteen minutes before service, I moved toward a seat in the middle of the massive room, which I guessed could hold about 2,500 people.

Despite Caleb’s instructions, I wanted to remain hidden and not sit too close to the front. Once settled, I watched as small clusters of families and friends were ushered into the space. It was rare for anyone to come in alone like me.

The meticulously dressed, no-nonsense ushers balanced order with kindness as they smiled at people who entered the sanctuary. I made a mental note to share with Caleb how friendly they were, making me feel as if they wanted me to be here.

At 9:30 a.m. on the dot, a string of dignitaries entered the side doors from the left. A man who had to be Caleb’s armor bearer preceded him, followed by Hannah and Esther. Nita already sat in the front with her signature smile.

Another woman, whom I assumed was Caleb’s mother, sat next to the girls.

She leaned over them, pointing to the seats next to her.

From her animated gestures, I knew she wouldn’t hesitate to reprimand them if they bounced around too much.

They flipped their heads back and forth, still wearing the plaits I laid down for them Friday night.

Hannah wore little yellow bows and Esther lavender ones to match her dress.

As expected, Hannah and Esther plopped their small bodies in their respective seats quickly when their grandmother gave them a stern look.

The ostentatious yellow church hat with huge feathers Mrs. Stallings wore moved like a puppet with each of her gestures.

When the girls met her approval, she finally settled in and held her head high, facing the raised platform in front of her.

Queen Elizabeth had nothing on Church Mother Stallings and the throne she sat on as she ruled her little subjects this morning.

From behind, I observed them all closely.

They were a picture-perfect family who made good choices that placed them in positions of authority and prestige.

People respected and valued the Stallings.

Their gifts mattered as they sowed into the community and those who needed them.

Undeniable favor rested on them as they walked fully in God’s purpose.

That could be you.

I imagined sitting next to them. With my little girls, my mother-in-law, and my husband . That image pricked my heart in a way I hadn’t expected. Did I want all of this? All of him?

I lowered my head and prayed silently, allowing quietness to overtake my spirit. In this anointed atmosphere, I tapped into a place that was now familiar. I kept praying, wondering if I could open my heart so quickly to a man I had just met.

Thirty days.

That was how long I would give Caleb to woo me. If anything became a red flag, I would go about my business and not look back.

But your heart could pay the price if something goes wrong.

Doubt instantly filled my mind. I closed my eyes to block out all distractions.

After several seconds, the soft flow of praise overtook me.

Like a floating body in the ocean, I lifted my hands and let go, realizing this life was no longer mine.

I tried to do things my way, but I didn’t get it quite right.

I wanted to surrender to something bigger than I was.

A gentle breeze moved above my head. Peace covered me like a cloak.

It’s called faith, Grace.