Page 44 of A Curse On Black Lake (Black Lake Gothic Cowboys #1)

Chapter thirty-five

Killian

Today has been intense, to say the least. But I’m glad it happened. This woman has me by the balls, and she has no idea.

My mind keeps playing every sound, every touch over and over. She wants this too, but why is she keeping herself from it? I understand she’s nervous, and it makes sense to be careful with her heart — she should be.

But my hope is that she believes me when I say I will wait for her. I’ll be careful with her heart, protect it with mine. I can’t explain why I’d do that for a woman I barely know, but I will, without hesitation. Everything in me tells me she’s worth waiting for, however long that means.

After getting cleaned up, I make my way down the stairs to find Eliana sitting on the couch sketching away.

She glances up at me, and her tan cheeks turn red.

I smile to myself and head to the fridge for a beer.

I’ve barely been drinking since she’s been here, at least not like I used to.

I’m no alcoholic, but I used to drink a lot more than I should.

At the moment, I have no interest in getting drunk because I want to be fully present with Eliana. Which is refreshing for me.

Attempting to wade through my grief has been almost all I’ve been capable of this past year. But with everything Eliana is going through, on top of trying to make sure I’m not arrested for a murder I didn’t commit, my life has slowly changed into one full of a strange sense of purpose.

After popping the top of my beer, I sit next to Eliana on the sofa. I don’t leave space between us because I want to be as close as she’ll let me. She glances at me and continues to sketch.

I close my eyes and lean my head back on the sofa, listening to the scratch of her pencil on paper.

Her pencil stops, and I peek over at her. Her eyebrows are scrunched together, and she’s focused on me. I take a swig of my beer and wait for her to figure out what she wants to say.

“There’s this … tension now, and I don’t know what to do with it,” she says.

“I do,” I grunt, and set my beer on the coffee table before pulling her onto my lap.

She nibbles her bottom lip again, and I think she’s going to put a hole through it she’s working it so hard.

I could give her other things to do with that mouth. Slow the hell down, Killian.

I grab her lip with my thumb and slowly free it from her teeth. Her stunning blue eyes darken.

Then she surprises me and moves so she’s straddling my lap. Her hands drag through my hair, and a needy groan crawls up my throat. I forgot what it felt like to be touched with such purpose. I didn’t know I was so starved for it, or maybe it’s her. Either way, I can’t get enough.

Eliana leans forward and hesitates for a moment before tenderly pressing her lips on mine.

“I really like kissing you,” she whispers.

Satisfaction rolls through me, and I smile against her lips. Keeping my hands on her thighs, I let her take control of the kiss, as we experiment together. It’s messy and thrilling. I want to learn every little detail of what she likes.

She tilts her head, and I push in, pulling a whimper from her. My second favorite sound, the first is her laugh. She nips my tongue, and I don’t think it was intentional, but I groan nonetheless.

Eliana pulls back slightly. “You should tell me to stop,” she breathes.

“I don’t want to stop,” I murmur across her lips.

She sighs, kissing me again, pressing her chest to mine. This woman.

“But we should,” she says, breathless.

“Why?” I grunt as she nips the edge of my jaw.

“Because I can’t give you what you need because you deserve someone who is sure. I don’t want you to think I’m using you,” she says, and finds my lips again.

The leash on my restraint is fraying, and I hold the back of her head in place, giving her nowhere to go, thrusting my tongue into her mouth, explaining without words that this is exactly where I want to be, with her.

Her tongue curls around mine, and she makes a keening sound, throwing my blood into a boil.

She pulls back barely, but I give her little room to move. I’m not letting her go. “Eliana, you don’t know what I want. And I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be. So instead of trying to tell me I should stop something that I’m deeply enjoying, why don’t you ask me what I want?”

“Does it matter if it’s not what I want?” she asks.

I chuckle and kiss her cheek. “Yes, it does matter because I want us to want, no, need the same things in this case. But if I haven’t made myself clear, I want you, little witch, end of.”

She blinks rapidly as if she can’t believe that someone would choose someone like her. We should never put our faith in people. They will always fail us.

But we can learn to trust them, and I need to show Eliana that she can trust me.

“I meant what I said. Take all the time you need.”

“Okay,” she whispers, nibbling on her lip again.

I grin and pull it from her teeth, holding her chin between my thumb and finger. “Good girl.”

Eliana’s pupils blow wide, and I put that little detail in the pocket of my mind for later.

“But while you do that, can you still keep kissing me?” I ask her.

She giggles and rolls her eyes.

“Come here,” I murmur, sliding my hand around the back of her neck.

Our mouths meet, and she melts in my arms. She tastes minty, like toothpaste. Eliana sighs into my mouth, pressing herself against me. I slide my hand to the front of her throat, feeling for her pulse.

It leaps out at me as I savor every dip and flutter from her tongue. Her heart beats so hard I can feel it against my chest. It’s been a long time, and these shorts are thin. I can feel every bit of heat coming off of her luscious body.

Then she pulls back suddenly with wide eyes. “Sorry,” she says, out of breath.

I chuckle, keeping my hands in the same place, pecking her lips. “There ain’t nothin’ to be sorry for, darlin’.”

She smiles and kisses my cheek.

I take a deep breath, willing my blood to cool.

It’s crazy that I’m admitting this to myself, but I could get used to this.

Everything about her makes me want to keep her, but she has to be ready for that.

I can understand her apprehension, especially if all of this is new to her.

Hell, it is to me too. But I’ve never had the desire to keep someone.

To make them mine. Not until her. I’m willing to do what it takes.

“Did you date a lot before your dad passed?” she asks.

I blink, a little surprised by her question. “Yes, and no. I guess it depends on what you mean by dating.”

“Oh,” she says.

“It wasn’t like that. I dated women, but you know how small this town is. Sometimes it was only dinner, sometimes it was more. Why do you ask?”

She shrugs and looks down at her baggy shirt.

“Tell me,” I tell her, squeezing her hip.

She looks up with an apprehensive expression. “I’ve never dated anyone before.”

“And?” None of that matters to me. Why would it?

“That doesn’t bother you?” she asks.

I shake my head. “Why would it?” I ask her.

The corner of her mouth tips up. “I don’t know. I have little experience in any of this,” she says.

“Experience is not required, Eliana. It’s what works for us, when you’re ready, of course.”

“Am I your first kiss?” I ask her nervously and mentally slap myself in the face. If I was, that is not exactly how I wanted to go about it. I was maybe a little too aggressive, but then again she’s not running away.

Eliana giggles and shakes her head. “No, you’re not.

Uh…” she trails off and laughs to herself.

“It was actually my friend Eddy. Since he was my only friend, and we spent so much time together, it made sense. When he leaned in to kiss me, we actually bumped heads we were so nervous,” she says, laughing.

I smile at her wide grin and rosy cheeks.

“We were only, hmm, probably about seventeen at the time. It took a little practice, but we got the hang of it,” she says, smiling fondly.

I chuckle and kiss her briefly. “I need to make sure I know who my competition is.”

She snorts and brushes nonexistent lint off my shoulder. “I can promise you, no one is fighting over me. Plus, he moved away a long time ago.”

I rub my nose along her cheekbone and press my lips on her warm skin. “Is it bad if I’m happy about that?” I ask her.

She grins and blushes harder, watching her finger as she drags it over my chest. “So I noticed you like to read. What kind of books do you go for?” she asks.

I smile to myself because she’s not looking at me as she traces patterns on my chest, content to stay on my lap regardless of what I’m sure she feels from me. Think about horses and cow crap.

“I like to read almost anything. I’m making my way through the library. I started it when he passed.”

Her eyes drag up to mine. “The whole Black Lake library?” she asks.

“Sure, why not. It’s good to have goals, right?” I say, chuckling.

“What’s your favorite book?” she asks.

I hum. “That’s a hard one because I really enjoyed a book about the early cowboys and how they started their ranches. One of the oldest is in this state. But I really liked a cop memoir I read. When I was at the department, I went through similar things he did.”

She tilts her head. “I’m sure you saw a lot.”

“I did,” I grunt. “I’ve read a lot of the classics too. But I’m working on crossword puzzles, and reading Wuthering Heights, which I borrowed from you.”

“Is it good?” she asks.

“Yeah, actually, it’s really compelling.”

She giggles.

“What?” I ask her.

“Nothing, you’re just funny to me.”

“It’s not my normal go to, but I decided to change it up, and I like puzzles.”

“That shouldn’t be surprising to you,” she says.

I smile, admiring her unearthly white hair, and caramel color skin where freckles dot the bridge of her cheekbones, like constellations on her skin.

“I’ve always been good at puzzles. Even if it takes me a minute to figure out where all the pieces go.”

Eliana peers up at me, and my heart skips a beat.