Page 43 of A Curse On Black Lake (Black Lake Gothic Cowboys #1)

He groans into my mouth and slips his hand around the nape of my neck, threading his fingers through my hair, while his other presses against the small of my back, pulling me in tightly.

I whimper as he sucks my top lip into his mouth and nips it. I gasp, and he takes the opening, diving in for more. It’s messy, needy, and it doesn’t matter if I’ve only ever kissed one boy. This feels natural — inevitable.

I lean into him breathless, boneless, peaceful. His large hands slide down my ribs over my ass and down to squeezes my thighs, picking me up without breaking the kiss.

“Hold on,” he says, holding me slightly above him, carrying me up the hill.

His head tilts back, and I grab his face, taking control of the kiss, ignoring his hat bumping my forehead as my hands slide over his bearded cheeks, around his jaw, to the back of his neck.

I scratch my nails at the edges of his sweaty hair, and a needy groan rumbles out of him, and I can’t wait to hear it again.

My back hits a wall, and I hardly notice as his hips pin me to it while his hands explore my body. Killian’s hat barely clings to his head, and I grab the brim, tossing it on the chair next to us, crown side down. We don’t need to lose anymore luck.

His hands squeeze my thighs, and my legs tighten around his waist, keeping him where I want him, as his belt buckle nudges my zipper, dragging a moan from my throat. “Kill-” I whimper.

He makes a primitive sound, and it vibrates through my body. I can feel it all the way to my toes, making them curl.

“Hmm,” Killian mumbles as his lips slide down my neck, allowing us a moment to breathe as he wraps my long hair around his fist, forcing my chin to tilt up, completely at his mercy.

He devours me again with a messy, desperate kiss, and I let him.

I let it all go. Killian devastates my walls with a swath of need blooming through him, and capturing every cell in my body, longing to be with his.

Killian rips his head away, and our eyes lock. Maybe it’s shock or relief from our unbearable tension, but what is growing between us went deeper, sprouted roots.

Chests bump each other as we catch our breath, and I’m failing because he stole mine right from my lungs.

He kisses each corner of my mouth and leans his forehead against mine. I’m still wrapped around him. I’d live in his arms if I could.

“I’ve been dying to do that for so long,” he rumbles.

My knees go weak. If I was standing, I would have crumpled to the floor. I lean forward and nip his rough chin. He growls and kisses me again, hard and fast.

“I want all of you,” he says.

I lean back, apprehensive that my inexperience might be a turnoff for him.

“I don’t mean … well, no, I do. But what I mean is let me know all of you, stop holding back. I can feel it,” he rasps.

“I’m here. Let me be what you need,” he says.

“But how do I know you’re what I need?” I ask him. It doesn’t matter if I already know the answer.

“You don’t feel it too? You don’t just know?” he asks. He takes a hand from my bottom and presses a finger into my heart. “I feel it right there. I didn’t understand what it was. Now I know it’s you.”

He’s right. I’ve felt it since I saw him in my dreams, and I didn’t know who he was then.

But since we’ve gotten closer, it’s only confirmed the odd sensation.

But do I have the space for him? I’m terrified that I will run the other way and leave him because I can’t take it. I don’t want to be that woman.

“I feel it too,” I whisper.

He leans forward, pecking his lips on my nose.

I gasp at the silence. He leans back. “What?”

“They’re … quiet. It’s quiet,” I whisper.

“The Spirits?” he asks.

I nod, feeling lighter, but surprisingly missing the weight of them.

“Are they gone?” he asks.

We are here. We will always be with you, child.

“No, but I think they were giving us a second.”

He smiles widely, and I giggle.

“You can put me down,” I tell him.

“I don’t want to,” he says.

“Then carry me inside, cowboy,” I tell him.

“Yes, ma’am,” he grunts and grabs the door with one hand while the other supports me.

I pay no attention to where he’s taking us while I press kisses along the bridge of his nose, landing back on his lips.

He grins against them, and I smile back, tucking my nose into the crook of his neck, inhaling a tinge of sweat and the cedar soap I gave him.

My stomach drops as he plops down on the sofa with me still in his arms making me straddle his legs.

He leans back to study me, and I dip my head shyly into his neck because no one has ever looked at me this closely. It makes me nervous. Everything about this makes me nervous.

“Look at me,” Killian commands.

I lift my eyes to his, and we’re so close I catch little lines of gold in his irises. Beautiful.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

I tilt my head and shift, trying to find an answer to his loaded question.

He grunts. “Careful there, little witch.”

A smile grows on my face. “Sorry,” I rasp, trying to ignore the heat pumping through my veins. I’m overwhelmed, that’s all this is. Yeah. That’s it.

“Nothing to be sorry about,” he says. His hands slide to my hips and squeezes them. “It’s been a very long time since I’ve held a woman in my hands. I don’t know where to start.”

My heart pounds, and I admire the sunset over his shoulder. It doesn’t matter that I trust him, that he makes me feel good, seen, treasured. There is too much going on for both of us to put energy into this. I shouldn’t have let him kiss me.

His stomach grumbles, and I chuckle. “Hungry?” I ask him.

Killian shrugs. “Yes, but I want to know what’s on your mind.”

“I’m not sure,” I mumble.

His expression drops, and I can see the hurt all over his face, but he hides it well. I hate that I did that to him, but it’s the truth, and the last thing I want to do is break the trust we have built together as friends.

“Eliana,” Killian grunts.

I lift my eyes to his.

“I can wait. Take all the time you need,” he says.

My eyes burn. “You care for me that much?” I ask him because it’s truly hard for me to believe that anyone would.

“Yes, but … we will talk. I want to know what’s on your mind, even if that means waiting for you to figure out where you are because there is no doubt in my mind now.”

His eyes widen briefly, like he wasn’t supposed to say that, but he did.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

He drags his thumb over my chin, and I get off of his lap and pull my boots off before heading to the kitchen. I need to busy my hands so I don’t maul him with my mouth.

I need to think, and it’s hard to do that around him.

It is okay to love someone new.

“What the hell do you know?” I mumble.

Killian gives me a look, realizing I’m talking to the Spirits, not him.

As we make dinner, my mind goes to the list of things that I need to get done at home.

It keeps growing, and I’m a little worried about my garden.

It should be fine in terms of watering, but the last thing I need is to lose a plant because I wasn’t paying attention to pest control or proper pruning. Grams would be disappointed if I did.

Killian keeps brushing my arms or grazing my back, and it takes everything in me to keep my hands to myself. He’s messing with me because he can. But I’m still here, still hoping he’ll do it again.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Maybe I like the pain of self-denial. Am I a masochist?

No, my child, you are afraid. There is a difference.

“Is there? Because I can’t see it.”

You may not be ready to give your heart to someone new because it’s still in pieces from the loss of your grandmother. That is okay. Killian will wait. He has shown you the man he is, so let him be that for you.

“Even if that we’re the case there is too much going on right now.”

Life does not wait for you to be ready, Eliana. It is not a thing that you can pause and prepare yourself for. It is a current. You must ride it because its direction is out of your control. There is no fighting it, child. Accept your place in this and the rest will come.

“Will answers come? Because that’s what we need,” I mumble.

What is to come is shrouded. We have not been given the answers.

“Even if you were, I’m not so sure you’d give them to me.”

Now you’re being a brat.

“Takes one to know one,” I mutter.

“Are you arguing with them?” Killian asks.

I look down at my plate, and it’s empty. I didn’t realize I was eating, so lost in my mind.

“Eliana?”

My name on his lips slides over my skin like the velvet of a rose petal.

“They probably think so,” I mutter.

“You do that a lot,” he says.

“Argue with them? Yes. They can be … annoying,” I tell him.

“Sorry,” I tell them.

It takes one to know one.

“Wow, that was rude,” I mutter.

Killian’s brows knit together in confusion.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to annoy you. I’m used to talking to them out loud. Grams didn’t mind, and it’s how I can help keep myself from going crazy.”

The corner of his mouth tips up, and for the first time I notice a little scar next to his lip. He must have trimmed his beard. “You’re not annoying me. I hope it doesn’t bother you that I ask about them.”

My eyes drop from his lips. “It doesn’t, but I have to admit, I’m surprised you want to know.”

“I want to know everything about you,” he says and stands from his chair and grabs my plate.

“I’ll do the dishes,” he mumbles.

I take that as my cue to give him some space, and get a shower.

Standing under the hot spray, I watch the dirt of the day swirl down the drain and the tears flow.

I hate myself for feeling so much for him when every fiber of my being should be mourning my grandmother.

Every ounce of energy should be going to the apothecary, but there were other plans for me, for Killian.

He didn’t choose to find a dead woman on his property.

I didn’t choose to have someone stalking me.

But the thing that keeps bothering me is the curse.

It may have absolutely nothing to do with what’s going on.

But it’s a part of my family history I was never told.

It makes me wonder if Grams knew about it.

My ancestors’ journals were old and untouched for a while based on the dust collecting on them.

She might have read Lily’s recipe book, but ignored the Monitio Flos de Letum.

If I know Grams, it was because there was no benefit to it, and she would have seen no use in wasting time on a plant that cannot be used to heal.