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“I can do that.”
“We have to. For the sake of the baby.”
He nodded. “For the baby.”
Duncan dropped her off at her place, and she insisted on walking herself in. She wasn’t sure she could handle a hug at the door. It would’ve either been awkward or wonderful. Probably wonderful, which was not healthy for her right now.
As she collapsed onto her couch, she felt like a puddle of goo, remembering the grin he’d given her before she walked away from his car. When would it get easier to be close to him without catching all the feelings? How would she live her whole life having Duncan close, yet not able to be with him like she wanted? She closed her eyes and started to pray aloud.
“Dear God, I’ve never really prayed like this before, so I will probably sound ridiculous. But I just want to thank you for this baby. It’s a blessing. I know that. But You know how hard this is for me and how hard it’s going to be. I love him, God. I love Duncan. I have for so long, and I need Your help to get over this because he’s marrying someone else. He’s going to spend his life with her. And I have to be in his life because of the baby, and that’s going to be so tough. Because there is no future for us … romantically. There’s only parenting and visitations and taking turns caring for our child. I want us to be partners in this. To be a family, the three of us. But that will never be.”
She broke down crying then. It was the first time she let the floodgates open and allowed the disappointment in. She’d dealt with her feelings about the pregnancy, but really crying over Duncan and the fact that they would never be a couple was something she hadn’t let herself do.
She lay back on the couch, placing her hand over her belly. “It’s going to be okay, Pomegranate. We’re going to get through this. You’re the only thing that matters, the most important thing in my life. And I’m going to be the best mom to you.”
In that instant, she felt a tiny flutter deep inside, and she bolted upright.
“Was that …?”
She felt it again, positive it was the baby.
“I know you heard me, didn’t you?” She thought she was all cried out, but tears of joy now streamed down her face.
Not wanting Duncan to miss a thing, she grabbed her phone and sent him a text.
Jamie: I felt the baby move.
Duncan: What? Are you serious?
Jamie: It was like a tiny little flutter.
Duncan: That’s amazing. I wish I could feel it.
Jamie: I wish you could too. It was the weirdest sensation.
Duncan: Tell baby Daddy loves him.
Jamie: Or her.
Duncan replied with a winking emoji and a heart. If only he loved her too.
Chapter 32
After the ultrasound, something shifted between them. Duncan didn’t know if it was their conversation that day about being just friends for the sake of the baby, but he could feel the change in her. Like they had a new understanding.
They’d been talking on the phone a lot over the past couple weeks, trying to come up with the best possible plan for after the baby arrived. Jamie had asked if he could stay in town for a couple of weeks to help her and bond with his baby. Thankfully, Dréa was on board. She’d even suggested he stay in Michigan for the first couple months and she would travel back and forth on weekends, which only confirmed what a wonderful, selfless woman he was marrying.
There was still much to talk about and plenty to do before January, but on this particular afternoon, Duncan and Jamie were about to check a big to-do off their list—the overwhelming task of registering for gifts at Babies R Us.
The automatic doors slid open, and they walked through, both stopping just inside, scanning the room with great intimidation. The store was filled with aisle after aisle of everything one could possibly need for a baby—bottles, pacifiers, burp cloths, blankets, baby monitors, and on and on.
“Where do we start?” Duncan asked.
“Over here.” Jamie walked toward a customer service desk, and Duncan followed.
The nice woman behind the desk set up their registry and gave them a hand-held device to scan the items they would need, and they headed off into the unknown.
Jamie led, walking up and down each aisle, looking as confused as Duncan felt.