Page 62 of Trust Again

Sawyer nodded. “Yup. And I’ll return the favor and tell you all about mine.”

“Not that I want you to,” I mumbled to myself, which earned me a punch on the shin. “Ouch.”

“You deserved that. Now spit it out. Who were you with?”

I kept silent, still trying to suppress the growing warmth in my belly. It didn’t feel right to talk about it with others before figuring things out for myself.

But Sawyer didn’t give a damn about that. “Was it that guy who practically had a breakdown when your class presentation bombed?”

“Isaac? No way!”

She examined my expression closely. “Don’t tell me it was Spencer.”

My eyes quickly focused on the ceiling.

Sawyer gasped. “Really? I thought you didn’t want to get involved with him! I had the impression he was coming on too strong for you.” It wasn’t an accusation, just honest surprise.

“Actually, he was. But then… it just happened. We kissed, and then somehow we couldn’t stop,” I admitted.

“So are you friends with benefits now?” asked Sawyer. “Or does he want a real relationship?”

I’d been writing erotic stories for years now, but the expression “friends with benefits” made me blush like mad. What was wrong with me?

“Judging by how you look right now, he’s sent you running.”

“No, not at all,” I responded.

“So what is it then?”

“He kind of suggested starting out casual,” I said, clearing my throat. “But indirectly.”

“What exactly did he say?”

“Something like, I shouldn’t get worked up if something more happens between us. And that I shouldn’t think about the future, if it scares me too much.”

She nodded slowly. “Isn’t that exactly what you wanted?”

Turning over on my stomach, I leaned my chin on my hands. “I’m not looking for a relationship. But still… it can’t be that easy.”

“Why not?”

I shrugged. “Well, how do you manage it? I mean, are there unspoken rules or something? Can you just… have sex without any expectations?”

Now she understood. “Okay, so if a guy expects more from you after sex, definitely don’t sleep with him.” She scootched a bit lower and leaned her head back against the wall. “Just because you start something casual doesn’t mean that you’re obligated to do more. To me, it sounds like Spencer simply wants to enjoy the moment with you because he knows you’re not ready for anything else. He’s taking what he can get.”

I’ll take you any way you let me have you.

She was probably right.

“You were in a relationship for so long that you don’t even know what the possibilities are, Dawn,” Sawyer said with a grin. “Casual affairs can do you a lot of good. For example…”

Then she told me in great detail what she’d been up to the night before. It seemed she’d broken her vow of celibacy and was out hunting again.

Later that evening I dug Watson out of his bag. When life got complicated, writing down my thoughts usually helped me sort things out.

After yesterday’s bad review, I avoided looking at the forums online. Instead, I opened a new document—a fresh, clean page—and typed out anything that came to mind: all those tangled thoughts and feelings. I kept on going, with music playing in my headphones, and let everything out. Several thousand words later, I stopped.

A new story had been born.