Page 58 of Trust Again

Spencer let loose a flood of curses.

“By then, I had to throw up. I ran into the bathroom, and Nate found me gagging over the toilet. He was naked, and I just couldn’t stop puking,” I whispered. “He sent Rebecca home and changed the sheets. When I came back into the room, he was just sitting there. I was so mad, Spence, that I… started hitting him.”

“He deserved much worse than a beating,” he growled.

“No, you don’t get it. I beat him so badly that I split his lip open. If he hadn’t stopped me I might have…” I pressed my lips together and fell silent.

Spencer inched his hands toward my lap. Again I ignored his invitation. It didn’t feel right to touch him now.

“Nate told me that the thing with Rebecca had been going on for a few months. I was almost sick again because we… we’d still been…” My arms flopped in the air.

Spencer breathed in sharply.

“My first worry was whether I’d gotten a sexually transmitted disease from them. And then I worried about possibly being pregnant, since I was feeling so nauseated.” A bitter laugh escaped me. “When I asked him why he had done it, when our relationship was so happy, he just shrugged. He had no answer for me. And that was it. Six years, a marriage, and my plan for my life. Everything destroyed within a few hours.” Tears were streaming down my cheeks again.

I’d never told anyone about it before. Well, of course Allie and Scott knew that Nate had cheated on me and that I’d wanted to get the hell out of Portland—but this was the first time I’d told anyone the whole story. What Nate had done. That I’d caught him in the act and that we’d been married. It hurt so much to say it out loud. That someone I’d loved so much, someone to whom I’d given everything—from my first kiss to my virginity to the promise to spend my life with him—and that it hadn’t been enough. That it was somehow impossible for someone to love me.

I was ashamed, and it hurt, and at the same time I was furious at myself for feeling this way.

And yet it was a relief to tell this all to Spencer. Hopefully he understood me better now.

“I can’t believe he did that to you, Dawn. It must have been so hard to get back on your feet.”

I nodded. “It was a shock. I felt numb and at the same time in so much pain that I couldn’t breathe; everything in me had broken. Forget about sleeping in our bed ever again! I booked a hotel room. And there was no way I could let my dad see me in that state.”

“I hope your dad let Nate have it.”

My eyes opened wider. “No. Dad doesn’t know about it, and that’s how I want it to stay.”

Spencer sat up straight. “What?”

“My father thinks we parted on good terms. I didn’t want him to worry.”

“You can’t be serious, Dawn!”

“It’s better this way, believe me. My dad’s been friends with the Duffy family for years, and I didn’t want to destroy that by telling him his son-in-law’s an asshole.”

He frowned.

“Your… last name isn’t Duffy,” he said after a pause.

Slowly I shook my head. “Not any more.”

“Okay,” was all Spencer said. He stared at my hand as if he were looking for a clue that I used to wear a ring.

“I wanted to have the marriage annulled, but in Oregon that’s only possible if you were under eighteen at the time of the wedding or if there were other serious problems, like a forced marriage or discovering the bride and groom are related,” I continued in a soft voice.

Spencer grunted. “I’ve heard that before.”

“Your parents?” I asked.

He looked up und nodded. “They love to talk about their work. You pick up a lot of info that way.”

I bit lightly on my lower lip. It had taken so much effort for me to open up to Spencer, but at the same time I obviously had to do it. I needed him to understand that my constant rejections of him weren’t done for the fun of it.

“When we met… it was only four months after my divorce.”

He looked up again, and I had to clear my throat.